7 Things Singles Want Their Pastors to Know

By Jennifer Johnson

“¢ Please acknowledge that our culture is couple-focused. 

Many people still believe you”re incomplete””and you must be unhappy””if you”re not married. While many of us would like to be married, the fact that we aren”t doesn”t define who we are.

We live in a culture that idealizes romantic love and feels sorry for those not in a relationship, but the church should have a richer perspective on each individual”s value in the body of Christ. It”s not your fault that our culture trends this way, but don”t let the church inadvertently reinforce it.

“¢ We don”t mind those sermon series.

Parenting, marriage, and other family relationships are really important to God, so they should be really important to his people, and we can all benefit from the teaching. After all, many of us may someday be spouses and parents, and all of us are someone”s child.

But consider including a week on singleness, as well””not just to include us (although that”s not a bad reason) but because most of your audience will someday be single. We can learn from what God has to say to their current family situation, but they can learn from what God has for us.

“¢ Realize we”re not a life stage. 

Although statistically many of us are in our 20s and early 30s, to equate singles ministry with a “college and career” group leaves many of us out. A divorced, widowed, or never-married person in her 30s, 40s, and beyond has little in common with the never-married, childless, recent college graduates involved in these groups.

“¢ Understand we can do more.

Whether it”s expanding that group to reach other singles like us, joining a Bible study, teaching VBS, or serving on a praise team, many of us can serve more and more often than our married friends. Although we have full lives and demanding jobs, those of us without spouses and kids probably have a bit more free time (and money) to contribute.

“¢ But know we need to be challenged.

An occupational hazard of long-term singleness is selfishness. From the furniture in our homes to the appointments on our calendar, our lives revolve around our own needs and interests. We don”t want to be self-centered, but avoiding it takes effort. Challenge us to lead a small group, go on a mission trip, or tutor a child.

“¢ Invite us into community. 

These activities not only serve others, they create new ways for us to build relationships. We need regular opportunities to connect with other people because single life can be lonely, and we like the idea of the church as an extended family with room for us.

But we don”t want to intrude on your literal family or be the proverbial fifth wheel. We love when you invite us to have lunch after church, include us in a holiday celebration, or encourage our relationship as an “aunt” or “uncle” to your child who thinks we”re awesome. (We are, by the way””and we give great birthday presents.)

“¢ Remember one is a whole number. 

Please don”t try to “fix” us by fixing us up (unless we ask you to, of course!). And if we”re recently divorced, encourage us to take the time we need to heal before jumping prematurely into dating (and probably making another huge mistake).

Don”t constantly reassure us we”ll find the right person someday, as if life will be better. We”re working on becoming the right person, which is a better long-term situation and a lot more fun, too.

Jennifer Johnson is a freelance editor and writer living outside Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.