By Bill Search
We”ve called change different things through the years: discipleship, edification, sanctification, transformation, spiritual formation. These are really great terms, but they convey one simple idea: how people become more like Jesus.
A healthy small group should help people change. But many of our groups get off track. Ironically, the love for Scripture can accidentally distract us from the ultimate goal of changing to become like Jesus.
You Need to Know More
Some groups take a materialistic approach to Bible study. They crave to know more. They may not have the same intense desire to become different people, but they sure love to dig into ancient languages, history, and cultural tidbits. Let me share one humorous example with you.
Ron and Vanessa led a group of about a dozen individuals who prized themselves on their above-average spiritual IQ. The group of 40-something adults included mostly lifelong church attendees. For years they complained that the Bible studies suggested by the church “just aren”t “˜deep” enough.” At least that”s what they told Steven, the small groups pastor from their church. One evening Steven visited the group only to discover what they considered deep.
The Bible study was focused on a few verses from Hebrews:
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another””and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:24, 25).
Steven was stunned when the leader, Isaac, launched into a short dissertation on the authorship of Hebrews. The leader was sure the apostle Paul wrote the letter. One member of the group sharply disagreed and quoted Martin Luther when he suggested that it was Apollos. Steven quizzically asked why it mattered, but the group ignored him.
Once the group moved past the authorship question, they spent more time on who the recipients of the letter were and where they lived. The conversation quickly shifted when one group participant asked what “the Day” referred to. Then a lively discussion erupted between those who thought it alluded to the Rapture and others who were sure it was the Day of Judgment. After that conversation cooled, the group began chasing references to “deeds” throughout Scripture and whether it was actually teaching legalism. By the end of the meeting Steven was emotionally exhausted.
After the members left, Steven had a chance to interact with Isaac. “Wasn”t that great?” Isaac asked.
“What do you mean?” Steven cautiously responded.
“Our deep discussion! We really got to know those verses.”
“I see your point,” Steven replied, searching for just the right words. “I certainly admire your passion for Scripture.” Scrambling for gracious and yet challenging words, he went on, “Do you think maybe you missed some of the key elements?”
Steven feared Isaac”s response, but over the next hour Steven coached the leader on the point of Bible study. It”s not simply to study it like a classic poem. After all, what”s the point of knowing grammar, syntax, and figures of speech if you miss the actual message? The point of Bible study is to allow the words to penetrate and change us. Isaac began to realize the group was focused on the Bible as literature and the message was lost.
This may be an extreme example, but it demonstrates how a group can get sidetracked on interesting data. When a group becomes more intrigued with history, facts, and language than with becoming like Jesus, its members have fallen into the need-to-know-more mentality. That”s why you must build relationships with the people in the group as you are opening the Scriptures.
Building the Bridge
My friend Mike loves to say, “You”ve got to build the relational bridge strong enough to hold the weight of truth.” I love that metaphor! Imagine that a group is a series of relationships that create the foundation of the bridge, the piers, the cables, girders, and finally the roadway. Every time the group meets or members interact, they add to the bridge. They secure a cable. They fasten a relational bolt. They pour cement. As the bridge takes shape, it is safer to stand on.
Have you ever received a challenging word from someone you barely knew? How well did you receive it? Or maybe a person you barely knew told you way more than you wanted to know.
That happened to my friend Dennis. Over chicken sandwiches at an Irish restaurant he described a very uncomfortable conversation with Ryan. The two men had met through a mutual friend, and since they had some things in common””newly married, young professionals, working downtown””Ryan suggested they grab coffee together. Dennis, who is a quiet man, agreed. Within several minutes of their meeting, Ryan told Dennis he struggled with sexual addiction and Internet pornography and wanted Dennis to join an accountability group with him.
“I felt bad,” Dennis blushed, “but I barely knew him. He dumped way too much personal information on me! I told him I was too busy.” Dennis was confused. He didn”t know why the idea churned in him so badly. Then Mike”s metaphor hit me.
He didn”t have a relational bridge. Essentially, Ryan wanted Dennis to help him change. But there was no relational trust yet. They hadn”t even decided to build a bridge yet and Ryan was ready to start moving stuff across it.
As we lead our groups, we can help our members change as we build the relational bridge.
Three Simple Keys to Change
The first thing you need to do to help people change in your group is invest in them relationally. Jesus modeled this with his disciples. He walked with them, taught them, traveled with them, ate with them, and worked alongside them. What was the common ingredient? Time. Jesus spent time with his disciples. You won”t see much change if you aren”t willing to spend time with your group.
The second key to helping people be like Jesus is to discuss the Bible together. As you open the Scriptures, include everyone in the conversation. Insist that everyone share what they really think””not what they think the group wants to hear. I find discussion guides helpful with my group. However, it”s not important to ask every question in the book. It is important to include everyone in the discussion. From time to time it”s helpful to discuss another Christian book or watch a DVD in a group. But don”t wander too far away from the Book. Only Scripture has the inspirational capacity to change lives and reorient priorities.
The third key to change is setting personal spiritual goals. From time to time I ask everyone in my group to share a personal spiritual goal they have. It might be to memorize Scripture or read through the Bible in a year. It might be to stop swearing or change some other behavior. As group members articulate goals, they give each other permission to follow up and hold each other accountable.
There”s more we can do to help people change in small groups, but this is a great start. If a group leader develops relationships, opens the Bible, and talks about personal goals he is well on his way to fulfilling Hebrews 10:24″””spurring” one another on to love and good deeds.
Bill Search leads the community groups and weekend groups team at Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky. This article is adapted with permission from his book, Simple Small Groups (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2008).
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