Preparing for Conflict and Sustaining Peace

By Royce Money, with Joe L. Cope and Charles Siburt

What can we tell church leaders about conflict? How can we prepare for conflict? How can we glorify God when disputes arise? How can we sustain peace in our churches? And is “saying nothing”””the eventual strategy of the writer in this week”s lead article””always the answer?

Peace May Include Conflict

Initially, we must recognize that peace is not the absence of conflict. The latter chapters of the Gospel of John show Jesus revealing the true nature of his mission to his apostles. As he began to speak more directly about his impending death and burial, his disciples began to question him and each other. “What does this mean?” they asked.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

Jesus never promised us a time on this earth without trouble. Instead, he gave us the gift of peace in the middle of trouble! He promised there would be conflict. But our hope comes through his sovereign power to reconcile all to him.

In addition to acknowledging that conflict is part of this world, we must admit our church families share both heavenly and worldly territories. As long as we are in this world, Satan will tag us with difficulties. Because our churches are filled with sinners, our churches are not immune from conflict.

In fact, churches of all types share strikingly common conflict situations, including:

Worship: conflicts over the way we conduct worship and the attendant theological, generational, stylistic, and traditional polarities.

Minister-Elder/Leader Tension: questions over who is in charge and who sets direction for the congregation.

Longtimers vs. Short-timers: controversies arising when demographics shift among groups within the membership.

Leader Selection Disagreements: although occasionally this is the lack of acceptance of a particular leader. It usually involves rejection of the selection process or the implementation of that process.

Minister Termination: polarization among members over why, how, or when a minister was terminated.

Crisis Management/Crisis Issues: controversies arising over how leaders handle particular crises within the congregation (e.g., divorce and remarriage of key leaders, moral failure of leaders, dealing with “risky” members””people who are HIV-positive, convicted sex offenders, homosexuals, and addicts).

Internal vs. External Issues: disagreements about whether the church”s primary focus should be on taking care of its members (insiders) or reaching out to a larger community and world (outsiders).

Financial Strategy: differences over management of resources.

Spiritual Style: conflicts over whether one particular spiritual style is superior to another.

Why would God allow conflict to infect us in this way?

By allowing church people to deal with conflict””and allowing the world to see that struggle””God brings us our greatest opportunity to spread the gospel. For if we, as Christian brothers and sisters, can differ over a multitude of things and still sit down together at the holy, common table God spreads before us, we will vividly model the true message of the gospel. God”s unswerving desire to be reconciled with us through the gift of his Son can best be communicated when the world sees us, in all our diversity and struggles, joined in love.

Jesus prayed, “May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me” (John 17:23).

We Can Prepare for Conflict

Knowing there will be conflict everywhere in this world (including the church) and that the appropriate handling of conflict is essential in taking the gospel to the world, what should we do to claim the peace that Jesus told us would come””even in times of trouble?

First, every Christian man and woman should be taught the importance of peacemaking.

In accepting that role, we lay claim to our heritage as children of God (Matthew 5:9). Leaders should ensure that every member is well-versed in biblical teachings on “oneness.” (Ephesians 4:1-6; 1 Corinthians 1:10; 3:1-10; Romans 14:1-15:7; and Philippians 2:1-14). And members should understand the importance of oneness in our ministry to the world (John 17:20-23).

Second, we should embrace Jesus” full teaching on conflict resolution.

A solid grasp of his instruction on how to handle conflict from Matthew 18 reveals much more than we usually admit. Often viewed simply as the text that allows the church to deal with a recalcitrant sinner, this chapter is ripe with personal instruction and acceptance of responsibility in a conflict.

Jesus begins by holding little children up as an example of a blessed approach to life. Meekness, humility, and innocence””not powers of persuasion or the assurance that we have taken an unassailable position””are lauded as attributes to be pursued.

Jesus follows that admonition with the parable of the lost sheep and reminds us every soul is important to God. Apparently, the meekness and humility we should be bringing within also precludes us from asserting our natural tendency to exclude those with whom we have difficulty. Peacemakers seek to bring everyone to reconciliation.

In Matthew 18:15-19, Jesus details the process we should use to bring peace among brothers and sisters in Christ. The steps are simple.

Go to the brother or sister who has hurt you and be reconciled. If that doesn”t work, take some others with you (the text says “witnesses”””men and women of good reputation and love for God). If the matter still isn”t resolved, Jesus encourages the church to become involved. And if even the influence and intervention of the church isn”t effective, Jesus tells us to treat the offending party as a pagan or a tax collector.

This latter course has been relied upon as authority for church discipline of an errant member. While that authority is clear, church leaders and individual Christians must not lose sight of the heart of God. When the labels “pagan and tax collector” were still echoing in the room, the apostle Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” (Matthew 18:21).

You have to imagine that Peter, hearing the process unfold, had to be thinking about all of the times Jesus confronted and corrected pagans and tax collectors. Undoubtedly, their lack of repentance had consequences and a distinct line had been drawn. Yet Peter could not help but remember that even those who continued to sin were not forgotten. For often it was with pagans and tax collectors that Jesus walked and shared his meals. Like the shepherd searching for the one sheep that wandered, Jesus provided the divine example of refusing to give up on even the most sinful.

You might imagine Peter stepped away from that conversation repeating Jesus” answer, “seventy times seven,” over and over again. And perhaps, in a moment of humility and meekness, Peter caught a glimpse of the true “message of reconciliation” (see 2 Corinthians 5).

Third, in addition to accepting our role as peacemakers and actively teaching God”s desire for us in this ministry of reconciliation, church leaders must be willing to truly model peacemaking and not merely peacekeeping. In short, that means leaders must do more than separate those who have differences and urge them to keep their voices down.

We must step forward to encourage Christian conversation, always pointing to our ultimate goal to sit at a common table””not only with God, but with every soul who allows himself to be reconciled to God. Leaders must fortify their flocks to deal with conflict wholesomely. And leaders must protect their members by being in the forefront of constant conversation.

Leaders, prepare your churches for conflict:

“¢ Establish a culture of peacemaking and reconciliation: talk about it; introduce peace and reconciliation into your church vocabulary; model the concepts.

“¢ Negotiate a code of conflict conduct among leaders and members and enforce it.

“¢ Respond to conflict in its earliest moments.

“¢ Reinforce mature behavior among members and leaders.

“¢ Empower a ministry of peacemaking and reconciliation: invest in training at all levels of your congregation; encourage that ministry to reach beyond your congregation into the community.

“¢ Establish solid group process in decision-making at all levels of the church organization””prevent disputes by encouraging participation and buy-in.

“¢ Use majority-consensus decision-making rules: seek a strong majority on a decision and then expect everyone to respect and support that decision.

“¢ Mobilize bystanders: train and motivate everyone in your congregation to be peacemakers and to honor the consensus of decision-makers with support.

One other thing, leaders in any type of organization but particularly churches, often wait too long before seeking help. As was seen in this week”s lead article, leaders often cannot take a central role in resolving conflict within their church because others perceive (whether the perception is accurate or not) that the leaders are biased or incapable of hearing. The principles of Matthew 18 work on a scale much larger than the local church. If you are unable to reconcile on your own, bring in respected and neutral Christians to assist.

Glory to God

Church members often ask, “Why do church conflicts seem so much more difficult than disputes in the secular world?” No easy answer exists. We know that, just as in nonchurch conflict, parties engage in power struggles, suffer from “anxious brains” (fear and suspicion that fosters defensiveness and hostility), and are unable to overcome immaturity and misbehavior.

Also, because of the organizational structures of our churches and the heavy reliance on volunteers in positions of leadership, we often find people who are victims of flawed change and transition management. Finally, because the church environment is centered on a belief system, we often find that matters of opinions between those who disagree are often wrongfully elevated to the level of “biblical truth” that will justify aggressive and””most often””un-Christlike behavior.

Conflict places great demands on all of us. Yet no greater glory is given to God than when we can love each other to the point that we understand his love for us and his desire to be reconciled to us all. It”s both our heritage and our legacy to practice and share the ministry of reconciliation.

 

 

Royce Money is president of Abilene Christian University, where Joe Cope is executive director of the Center for Conflict Resolution and Charles Siburt is vice president of church relations.