FROM MY BOOKSHELF: Returning from the Dark Side

Pastors Who Came Back from Darkness: Two Books on Failure, Depression, and Restoration

LeRoy Lawson reflects on two books by pastors who have walked through deep personal darkness and returned with wisdom for others. His review considers Gordon MacDonald’s writing on storms that threaten the soul and Gary Kinnaman and Richard Jacobs’s practical, compassionate treatment of depression.

• Gordon MacDonald’s story of repentance and restoration gives weight to his counsel on weathering spiritual storms.
• Gary Kinnaman and Richard Jacobs address depression with pastoral honesty, medical insight, and spiritual encouragement.
• The article emphasizes that Christians cannot always talk themselves out of darkness—and should not face it alone.

By LeRoy Lawson

Both of these books are written by pastors who have been to the dark side—and came back to tell their stories.

Gordon MacDonald and The Life God Blesses

Gordon MacDonald, The Life God Blesses (Thomas Nelson, 1994).

Gordon MacDonald is one of evangelicalism’s most respected leaders. Chairman of this and editor of that, he frequently speaks for conferences around the globe and, when he has nothing else to do, keeps on cranking out his helpful columns and books. The Life God Blesses is not his latest and may not be rated as his best (Ordering Your Private World usually is), but when Ben Cachiaras passed copies out at our latest conference for ministers and wives, I quickly snatched one up.

You don’t turn to MacDonald for great doctrinal teaching. You read him because he came back. Lesser men would not have recovered.

It was easy for me to dislike him in the beginning. I never met him personally, but every time I saw his picture I had to slap down my envy. The man had it all—first-rate education, national leadership at a young age, excellent speaker and writer, beautiful family and, so unfairly, handsome. There wasn’t anything he didn’t have except failure. And then he had that, also.

That was when my envy turned to admiration. The dashing young president of InterVarsity rocked his world and mine when he resigned. Moral failure. Adultery.

Not an uncommon story, unfortunately—we could name too many from the past few years—but an uncommon end to the story. When confronted, MacDonald did not deny or cover up. When InterVarsity explained his leaving through the media, they told the truth.

What happened next made his case exemplary. He stepped out of leadership, submitted himself to an accountability group, received personal and marital counseling, and in time was encouraged to return to pastoral ministry and eventually to national leadership—repentant, renewed, restored. Through his candid writing and speaking he has helped thousands of others to follow his way back to ministry.

So when he writes on The Life God Blesses, I read him. He has been blessed, so he blesses. He does not deal here specifically with his own odyssey, but everything he has written after “the fall” has been enriched by it.

Weathering the Storms of Life that Threaten the Soul is the subtitle. Ben must have had this book in mind when about three years ago he asked me to speak on this subject at his Mountain Christian Church (Maryland). He knows, as I suspect you do, that no one could have served as pastor for long without having to weather many storms, some of them on the dark side.

He found good advice in this book, and so did I.

Gary Kinnaman, Richard Jacobs, and Seeing in the Dark

Gary Kinnaman and Richard Jacobs, MD, Seeing in the Dark (Bethany House, 2006).

I’ve paid attention to my friend Gary Kinnaman for a long time, also. For two decades we pastored in the same town. I admired the way this charismatic minister led his charismatic congregation to explosive growth. When disgruntled members of my church left for greener pastures, I knew where they would look first.

It was a tragic accident that first brought us together. One of my parishioners was driving home on the freeway from Phoenix when he hit and killed a woman who had stopped to rescue an injured dog. Caring only about the suffering animal, she darted into the traffic. My friend saw her too late to swerve. It was awful.

He hid in his bedroom for days, eaten up with guilt for something he couldn’t help. The woman’s husband, counseled by her minister, reached out to ease his pain. His wife was a Christian, he explained, and he knew where she was. He had a huge sense of loss, of course, but he was at peace.

The wise minister who walked beside his grieving parishioner was Gary Kinnaman.

That happened many years ago. Everything I’ve learned about him has only heightened my appreciation.

What I didn’t know, though, until reading this book was the intensity of his struggle with depression. He has accomplished so much in spite of this disabling enemy. I never would have guessed.

Kinnaman openly tells of his ongoing battle, but the book is not just his case study; it’s really a handbook on depression. He teams up with his friend Dr. Richard Jacobs, whose wife has also battled depression. “Physician, heal thy wife,” Dr. Jacobs told himself. But he admits there is no single nostrum, no magic wand, for this illness. Together, though, the pastor and the physician treat the subject with wisdom and helpful insight and offer encouragement along with sound advice for the suffering.

The authors also lay to rest some of the most destructive myths and clichés. They list 25; here are a few of them:

“Depression is a mental illness.”

“Depression is a character flaw.”

“Depression is completely of the person’s own making. It’s their fault.”

“Depression occurs because we lack a strong relationship with God.”

“Antidepressant medications are ‘happy pills.’”

“Depression can be cured by positive thinking and denial.”

“Depressed people with suicidal ideas are just seeking attention; they won’t commit suicide.”

Wrong, all wrong. The authors replace the myths with tested prescriptions that can help the hurting.

The pastor still relies on his antidepressants. So does the doctor’s wife. They both also apply spiritual disciplines that soothe the soul—and body.

While reading Seeing in the Dark I couldn’t keep from thinking of What of the Night (1993) by my good friend and former student, Jeff Knowles, who tells a similar tale of his “journey through depression and anxiety” to recovery and productivity. Another brilliant man and committed Christian spirit, Knowles could not simply talk himself out of his darkness, either.

Neither can we.

LeRoy Lawson, international consultant with Christian Missionary Fellowship International, is a CHRISTIAN STANDARD contributing editor and a member of Standard Publishing’s Publishing Committee. His column appears at least monthly.

Author: LeRoy Lawson