When the Leader Fails

By Alan Ahlgrim

Integrity failures come in all shapes and sizes, and usually at the most inconvenient times, in the most surprising ways, and from the most unexpected directions. Based on my experience and what I”ve learned from others, here”s my advice for a church coping with a leader”s failure.

Over the course of my ministry, here”s just a sample of what I”ve been faced with and forced to lead through.

“¢ Confronting the chairman of the elders with his adultery with another visible church member.

“¢ Navigating the confession of molestation, as a highly respected leader simultaneously admitted his sin to the parents of a young boy, their two closest friends, and his own wife.

“¢ Encouraging a staff member who denied his sexual impropriety, despite being repeatedly confronted, to resign.

“¢ Sharing an open letter with the church when a youth intern was dismissed after being accused of inappropriate behavior with middle school boys.

“¢ Leading the church through awkward staff transitions while balancing consideration for their families, innocent parties, and all concerned.

“¢ Removing key volunteers who refused to repent, despite sinning publicly and being challenged by the elders privately.

No leader will go for long without facing a gut-wrenching, heartbreaking, mind-numbing series of unexpected challenges.

When leaders are facing a crisis, here”s what you can expect.

Shock””We”re confused at how good people can, at times, make such poor choices and do such bad things. While we all know sin is a reality in every church, and that almost anyone is capable of almost anything, still we are stunned when a grievous sin grips people we know and love. It”s a body blow that leaves us reeling and wondering how those we trusted could disappoint us so much.

Grief””Because we care for all involved, we spend our waking and sleeping hours under a cloud of concern we can”t escape. In the immediate aftermath of sin”s revelation, our grief can be disheartening and all-consuming.

Fear””How will the victims, friends, families, and church survive the revelation? Will trust in church leadership be forever lost due to collateral damage? Will we do further harm by what we say or how we say it? Will we be accused of neglect either in our hiring practice or our training? Will others say we failed to address the sin earlier or that we were exaggerating the problem?

Anger””While Satan should be the focus of our anger, we can become overwhelmed with “righteous indignation.” “How dare they do this to me or to our church on my watch? I won”t stand for it!” We can feel personally betrayed and have no desire even to meet with the offender. The anger is really rooted in our hurt. The offense may even feel personal.

Doubt””We wonder, Where was God? or Why didn”t he stop this? Even though we often affirm that God is in ultimate control of every situation, it”s common to struggle with faith in his redemptive capacity in any particular situation. Sometimes imagining that anything truly good could possibly come seems to be ludicrous insanity.

Tension””Any time a sin situation is exposed, it threatens the unity of the church and its leaders. While some will argue for “mercy,” others will argue for “justice.” It”s not uncommon to find even some on the leadership team to be at odds with each other. I once watched an eldership stuck in total gridlock for five months over how to discipline a staff member.

Division””Sin always divides. It not only separates the sinner from God and from others, it also often causes discord among those charged with the responsibility to address it. In virtually every situation I have dealt with, some have left the church as a result. Some fled in anger or embarrassment; most just left in grief.

Grace””God does some of his best work through crises. God promises never to fail us or forsake us. As we deal with hard things out of a desire to honor him, he supplies uncommon wisdom, strength, and encouragement. While it”s never an easy road, we are always given the grace to endure. In the aftermath of serious integrity failures, we can find comfort that not only does God”s grace cover the sin of others, it even covers the imperfect actions of those required to address the sin.

It”s been said leadership is always coming out of a crisis, in the middle of a crisis, or heading into a crisis. However, it”s also true we”re either coming out of a season of peace, in the middle of a season of peace, or heading into a season of peace. I prefer the latter mind-set. Unfortunately, while we can”t make every problem better, we can make every problem worse.

Here”s how to make a problem worse!

Bury it quickly””Failing to address an integrity breach is like stuffing garbage into a kitchen pantry. Sooner or later the stink seeps out and everyone smells it. What could have been handled earlier with serious effort, ends up requiring far more energy, with a far greater cleanup cost.

Share it carefully””While we all need to seek good counsel, confidentiality must be respected. Just because we know something to be true does not mean we are at liberty to tell others. Leaders are increasingly facing legal challenges over well-
intended discipline.

It”s been said we should share information only with those who are either part of the problem or part of the solution. That includes asking people to pray. When they ask for details “to help them pray,” specifics must be shared only as required, not as a curious person desires.

Deal with it unilaterally””While Jesus told us first privately to address those who sin against us, situations involving others require the wisdom of others. We all have blind spots to be illuminated. We need the combined insight of others who are committed to redemption in a sin situation. If other leaders in the church, especially elders, cannot be trusted to handle a complex situation with confidentiality, wisdom, and candor, godly counsel must be sought outside the local church context.

Suggestions on how to confront an integrity crisis

Examine yourself””No one is without fault. Before we address someone else”s sin or strategize on how to deal with it, we must pray with humility. In My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers wrote, “When God wants to show you what human nature is like apart from Himself, He has to show it to you in yourself. If the Spirit of God has given you a vision of what you are apart from the grace of God (and He only does it when His Spirit is at work), you know there is no criminal who is half so bad in actuality as you know yourself to be in possibility.”

Seek good counsel””Leaders provide other leaders with wisdom, insight, and vocabulary. Long before I joined the Blessing Ranch Ministries team, I frequently sought the counsel of Dr. John Walker. His expertise and perspective were invaluable in dealing with complex issues and deeply rooted personality problems. In some cases, he validated my approach. In other cases, he strongly cautioned me about the danger of acting precipitously.

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Read Alan Ahlgrim’s interview with Dr. John Walker of Blessing Ranch Ministries.

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Dig into the Word””Nothing has benefited me more than my daily reading and reflection on God”s Word. God has convicted me, encouraged me, and motivated me more through the Bible than anything else. Never has that been more evident than during a season of crisis. I wouldn”t have survived without timely correction, counsel, and clarification from God through his Word.

Pray for boldness””Anyone can speak and act with empty bluster. All of that is of the flesh. Bravado springs from a sense of arrogance and superiority, as in, “I”m not going to let anyone say that, or do that, or get away with that.” We can even take personal offense from our perceived position of strength, as in: “I”m in charge here!”

By contrast, boldness never has to shout. Holy boldness is rooted in truth and inspired by God. David said, “When I called, you answered me; you greatly emboldened me” (Psalm 138:3). David didn”t make himself bold, God made David bold!

Don”t confuse forgiveness with restoration””Forgiveness means wishing another person well. Forgiveness is not punitive, but redemptive.

However, genuinely forgiving someone for a serious lapse of integrity does not necessarily mean restoring the person to any and all leadership positions. For example, if someone has embezzled church funds, forgiveness may lead in time to restoring the person to a position of service, but not as the church treasurer!

Watch for brokenness””True brokenness is reflected in an attitude of humility. Sincere repentance leads to a submissive spirit before the leaders and others. Suppose someone confesses by saying, “Yes, I sinned, but who hasn”t? If you truly forgive me, then I should be allowed to openly exercise my gifts in the church!” That person may be manipulating the church for his own purpose.

Lean on a restoration team””When a leader falls, he or she requires extra support. After Gordon MacDonald wrote Ordering Your Private World, his private world fell apart, and his moral failure sent shock waves across the Christian world. He openly confessed the betrayal of his marriage covenant and was then surrounded by a restoration team.

Only after two years of exhausting work did he return to a public leadership role. It was then that he authored, The Life God Blesses and The Resilient Life. If restoration is as important as we believe, then it ought not and should not be rushed.

Leading while grieving!

When a team or congregation is dealing with the devastating failure of someone they love, everyone grieves, especially the leaders. Grieving is not an option. It”s unavoidable. The calling of those in leadership is to help others grow through grief. Here are a few suggestions:

Tell the truth””It is rarely appropriate to share graphic details, but it must be made it clear that a serious lapse of integrity has occurred.

In one case involving molestation by a church intern that was reported widely in the media, we read an open letter to the congregation after services. One Denver radio host publicly commended the church for how we addressed the situation. He contrasted our candor with the common pattern of silence and cover-up so often seen involving sexual abuse within other churches.

Get legal counsel””Laws vary from state to state. The last thing you want to do is surprise your attorney after you are threatened with a lawsuit.

A respected colleague of mine in another fellowship recently faced an unimaginable horror when sued for failing to report sexual abuse by a staff member. He and the other church leaders assumed they were handling the situation both fairly and biblically through private church discipline. The district attorney disagreed.

The church was embarrassed, the staff member went to jail, and the leaders were sued by the former church member and her family.

Be open about grief””On more than one occasion I choked up publicly when talking about a failure of integrity within the church leadership. It got very quiet. Some considered my tears to be my most eloquent contribution. The truth is that sin hurts and grief cannot be concealed. We need to acknowledge our grief as leaders and extend the grace to grieve to others as well.

Remember that people grieve differently. While some don”t want to talk much about it, others need to openly process it.

Call on outside experts””It may be necessary to enlist a skilled counselor to guide those traumatized by grief. We have at times offered ongoing assistance for young people who were violated or the parents and staff members who were confused. The only thing more expensive than making this available may have been not to have offered it!

We made no secret that we were doing everything possible to help everyone move toward health and wholeness. Incidentally, many were motivated to be especially generous in their giving knowing that the church was facing extraordinary expenses.

Guard the shepherd””Don”t assume the most visible pastor or leader, even though seemingly serving well publicly, is actually doing well privately. At times I have been publicly joyful while privately miserable! I couldn”t turn off the volume or escape the crisis. I couldn”t enjoy any relaxation, even a movie, a meal out, or a vacation getaway. I was besieged with concerns almost every waking moment, and my sleep was fitful and disturbed.

I was seriously struggling, and only my wife knew the degree. As a result, I began to withdraw relationally and shrivel up emotionally. My recovery took time, lots of time.

In Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement, author Kevin Gilmartin provides excellent perspective on the price of stress””and not just for cops but also Christian leaders. Whether someone faces the trauma of physical threat or relational stress, they live with what is called “hyper-vigilance.” When they”re “on duty” they can be fully alert, engaged, and effective. When they”re “off duty” they may withdraw and close down emotionally.

The public sees leaders one way; our families see us another. Many leaders in ministry are constantly dealing with emotional whiplash. They may appear to be strong to others, but privately they really want to escape. Some forms of escape may be addictive and devastating.

The isolated leader is the vulnerable leader. No one is exempt from temptation, trials, and trauma, especially leaders. Dr. John Walker has said, “No job in the world requires more of you than ministry.” This is why soul care is vital for us all. Every church deserves to have leaders who can honestly say, “I have no secrets, and it is well with my soul.”

There is hope and help for us all. Jesus said, “Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:4, 5).

When it comes to living with total unblemished integrity, we are all failures. No one gets everything right all the time. If perfection were required for leadership, every leader”s chair would be empty. Countless leaders have both fallen and been restored. Whether the failure happens to have been due to an addiction or adultery, deceit or divorce, there is no one that God cannot forgive, renew, and restore. It”s not sin that changes everything, but grace!

We are all called to “act justly . . . love mercy and . . . walk humbly” (Micah 6:8). We need all the help we can get to do that, and Jesus promises to help us. Jesus alone can live the Christian life. The rest of us must call on Jesus to live and work through us. Therefore, “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted” (Galatians 6:1).

Alan Ahlgrim served as founding pastor with Rocky Mountain Christian Church, Niwot, Colorado, for 29 years and now serves as pastor-at-large. In addition, he serves as director of pastor care and leadership development with Blessing Ranch Ministries, New Port Richey, Florida.