Greekaholics Anonymous
Greekaholics Anonymous

From After Class Podcast

Sponsor: Welcome, everyone, to this week’s meeting of Greekaholics Anonymous. The purpose of this support group is to help those of us who are helplessly addicted to using biblical languages in our sermons—even though we really don’t know what we are saying and most listeners have no idea what we’re talking about. Let’s begin with our GA preamble.

Everyone: Preachers who don’t know Greek shouldn’t use Greek in their sermons.

Sponsor: Would someone like to be the first to share with the group?

Pastor Strong: Hello, my name is Jim and I’m a Greekaholic.

Everyone: Hello, Jim.

Pastor Strong: I’m so ashamed of my habit. I know it’s wrong, but I just can’t shake it. I’ve tried leaving Greek out of my sermons, but when I do, I don’t quite feel like myself. It’s so hard to get my sermon going, but once I get a little Greek in there, things really get rolling.

Sponsor: We understand, Jim.

Pastor Strong: It didn’t seem so bad at the beginning, just a little word study here or there. But it jazzed up the sermon so much and seemed to impress my audience, so I just kept going. Over time, I needed more and more Greek to keep the high alive. Now it’s out of control. It’s like I don’t even know myself anymore.

Sponsor: We’re here for you, Jim. Who would like to go next?

Pastor Vine: Hello, my name is Bill, and I’m a Greekaholic.

Everyone: Hello, Bill.

Pastor Vine: For me, the worst part is coming down afterward. In the moment, it’s such a rush. As soon as you say the words, “In the original Greek,” you can feel the electricity pulsating through the pews. Everyone knows what’s coming! It’s exciting! Sometimes I pause a beat or two just to sustain the moment a bit longer. But then, afterward, when I’m home alone, that’s when the doubts come, that sense that I’m an imposter. It’s not a sustainable high.

Sponsor: We’ve all been there, Bill.

Pastor Vine: At this point, I think my biggest struggle is fear. I’m so used to having Greek there for me, I don’t know if I can preach without it.

Sponsor: You can do it, Bill. . . . Anyone else?

Pastor Thayer: Hello, my name is Joe, but I don’t think I’m a Greekaholic. I’m only here because my elders think I have a problem.

Sponsor: Do you think you’re able to use Greek in moderation, Joe?

Pastor Thayer: Absolutely. As Jim said, it adds so much color and flair to my sermons, why shouldn’t I? It’s not as though anyone is getting hurt. No one else even knows Greek, so it’s not like they’ll know if I make a mistake. Isn’t a moving, intellectually stimulating sermon the ultimate good? If you take away our Greek, you’ll hamstring all of our efforts. I just don’t see the problem.

Sponsor: Now Joe, the first step toward recovery is admitting you have a problem. Our goal is to help each other recognize our weaknesses so we can achieve health.

Pastor Thayer: Yeah, I guess you’re right.

Sponsor: Great! Well, I think we’ve made real progress here tonight, so why don’t we wrap up with our closing statement. Let’s say it together.

Everyone: If you can’t use the language right, don’t use it at all.

The After Class Podcast guys are Bible and theology professors at Great Lakes Christian College; from left to right in the logo, they are Samuel C. Long, Ronald D. Peters, and John C. Nugent. They strive to engage provocative contemporary topics with wit and careful biblical scholarship.

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