Lessons I Learned from Louise

After 55 Years of Marriage, This Pastor Reflects on What His Wife Taught Him About Life, Ministry, and Faithfulness

By Andy Pryor

Papa died in 1976. I was a young pastor, and my family wanted me to conduct my grandfather’s funeral. After thinking about it, I said, “No,” and that’s when I decided I would never do a funeral or memorial service for a family member. I realized that, like the rest of my family, I also needed to grieve. It’s hard to grieve if you’re leading a funeral, so I thought.

That’s the reason I did not participate in any way in the funeral services of my grandparents, my parents, any of my in-laws, or any other relative; it’s a decision I have never regretted. But when my wife died in February of this year, it was different. I’d spent my life as a pastor speaking publicly: sermons, lessons, funerals, revivals, weddings—public speaking was what I did.

There was no way I could have let my dear wife depart without speaking publicly in her behalf. It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, standing before my friends and family crowded into that chapel amid my own sorrow. But there was nothing I wanted to do more!

Just as I’ve never regretted my decision to not lead funerals for my family, neither do I regret choosing to speak at Louise’s memorial service. I’m glad I was able to pay honor to her and to give others a glimpse into the life of one who lived faithfully for her Lord. That is also why I want to put my spoken words into print for many others to read.

I can easily sum up what I said that day: I learned some important lessons about life from being married to Louise for 55 years. Here are some lessons she taught me.

I Learned that Happiness Comes from Within

I had several good reasons for marrying Louise, but the one that stands out was her smile. I met her in college, and she was one of those girls who attracted the boys. Everyone wanted a date with Louise.

Why? She was gorgeous. Vivacious. Strong and athletic. She was lots of things that make a person attractive. But more important than anything else, she always had a big smile on her face. She was happy! And because she was happy, I wanted to be around her.

The week following her death, I was looking at pictures from the past 20 years. Vacations and family gatherings, holidays, and church events. Picture after picture after picture of my smiling wife. Yes, the pictures reminded me of her smile, but nearly everyone who reached out to me with comforting words also mentioned her smile. That’s just who she was.

Of course, when you live with someone for 55 years, you see that person in a variety of moods. So, I did see a few frowns. But her frowns quickly turned back to smiles—I never had to wait long. Sometimes the smile would reappear after I said, “I’m sorry.”

You might wonder why she was smiling all the time. I’d like to say it was because she was married to me. But, no, she was smiling before she ever met me. Her smile started in her heart, which was right with God, consistently, day after day. She knew Jesus, better than I do, and it showed up in the big smile.

I Learned to Put People First

There’s something else I needed to do the week following Louise’s death: I had to go through her purse. I found the typical purse stuff like lipstick and a nail file. What caught my attention, however, was that the purse looked good on the outside but was worn out on the inside. She needed a new purse! She had used paper clips to hold things together on the inside and keep stuff from falling out.

My wife needed a new purse, and I didn’t even know it. But she hadn’t complained. A purse was not all that important to her.

She cared about people, not things. During my five decades of ministry, I visited many people in the hospital, in an elder-care facility, at home, or in jail . . . not because it was my idea but because of Louise.

On numerous occasions, she would say, “Don’t you think you should go the hospital and visit So-and-So?” And it would dawn on me, Of course I should do that! I often said she was the last one to leave the church building on Sunday mornings. The reason was obvious. She wanted to be with people. She put people first all the time!

I learned to Focus on God’s Church

My wife’s main focus in life, beyond her relationship with God, was the church. And not just any church. It was always the church we were serving together.

On a Sunday many years ago, while Louise was in the front singing with the praise team, I had an epiphany. I clearly remember it, almost like God spoke to me: “Andy, if you ever achieve any success in your service as a pastor, the credit will go to your wife.”

Indeed, the number one reason I was able to serve and minister and work with some level of success during my 48 years as a pastor was because I had Louise at my side.

I Learned that Faithfulness Is More Important Than Recognition

I learned this lesson too late. We were able to talk about other lessons she had taught me, but not this one. She was faithful to me in the simplest and yet most profound ways, but I learned this lesson because of her dementia.

Husbands and wives handle domestic duties in different ways; I don’t think there is any right way. Louise and I never discussed it. I guess we would be considered old-fashioned. For us, I was to be the breadwinner, and she was to be the homemaker. It worked well for us, as it had worked well for her parents and for mine. It was just the way we were brought up.

That meant she took care of the household chores—cooking, cleaning, washing, and so many others.

The day came, because of her dementia, when all the chores she had done faithfully for nearly 55 years became my chores. She was simply unable to do them anymore.

One day a few months before she died, I was folding my own underwear after I had washed them so I could neatly put them in the chest of drawers. When you fold underwear, you have time to think. It occurred to me that, if Louise had washed and folded one pair of my underwear every day for 50 years—and I’m sure she had—that’s over 18,000 pairs of underwear, plus T-shirts, socks, and all the rest of my clothes.

How many times had I thanked Louise for that? Not once that I can recall. So that night, I thanked her. But it was too late for her to understand.

She had remained faithful in this, year after year after year, though I had never expressed appreciation to her. And she had done so with a smile on her face. She was faithful to me . . . to her family . . . to her duties . . . to her Lord!

Which is why I know for sure she heard these words upon her death: “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!” (Matthew 25:23).

On the day of her death, I sent many of our family members and friends this message, which expresses exactly how I feel about my departed wife:

“Louise, my faithful, beautiful, generous, kind, loving, lifelong companion and wife, a devoted follower of Jesus, left me behind today to go receive her glorious, heavenly reward. I will join her someday when I will be privileged to see her heavenly trophy which will be much more noble than the trophy I will receive because she’s much more noble than I. If envy is permitted in Heaven, everyone will be envious of her trophy.”

Andy Pryor served in Christian churches for a total of 48 years, In 2016, at age 70, he retired after a 22-year ministry with Northglenn (Colo.) Christian Church. “My wife, Louise, faithfully served with me all those years,” he writes. “She was 76 when she died from Alzheimer’s dementia.”