Please note, the complete title of this article from Ward Patterson is “World traveler puts tongue in cheek and pen to paper to discuss . . . The Missionary Who Makes Mistakes.” (We note this because, as former editor Sam E. Stone said on more than one occasion, “Not all of our readers understand or appreciate humor” . . .)
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The Missionary Who Makes Mistakes
By Ward Patterson
Nov. 30, 1963; p. 7
Nobody seems more mistake-prone than the average missionary (with the possible exception of presidents, congressmen, mothers and fathers of teenagers, umpires, and tax assessors). That the missionary should so excel in error-ability is a phenomenon worthy of the interest of all of us who must with total honesty confess that we lag miserably behind them in this gift.
I have questioned scores of my fellow American preachers and have been shocked to learn that some of them cannot point to one good, solid misjudgment during their present ministries. So concerned did I become with this imbalance of incompetence that I undertook a systematic research to ascertain by what means missionaries acquire their tremendous error-making capacity.
I first wrote to ninety-nine seminaries and Bible colleges. I found that not one offered a course specifically designed to prepare would-be missionaries to make blunders. That institutions dedicated to the preparation of missionaries should leave to chance that part of the missionary’s work which will occupy so much of his time on the field was indeed surprising. Despite my preconception to the contrary, I was forced to conclude that the missionary’s mistake-making ability is not taught him by scholars, at least directly.
I searched the Scriptures for some passage that might provide the key. I firmly expected something like, “Go ye therefore into all the world and make mistakes, compounding them to surpass all else, whatsoever ye are able, and lo, I am with you always even unto the end of people’s patience.” But alas, I found no such commandment.
I listened to scores of missionary recruits and not one, when speaking of his qualifications for mission work, mentioned that he was a superior mistake-maker. I searched countless books about missions. At first I thought this might be the solution to my problem, for I did find some formulae that could, if followed, produce excellent mistakes. But finally I had to admit that these books were not a sufficient cause for the effect produced.
The preliminary research having proved largely fruitless, I decided to visit the mission fields myself. As a result of this personal inquiry, I have discovered the true secrets of missionary mistake aptitude. I am pleased to share my findings for the first time with you, my breathless reading public.
The missionary makes mistakes because he is doing something. This is his prime advantage over most of us. While we sit back and enjoy his mistakes, rather than having enough gumption and ability to get out and make our own, he attempts things.
The missionary makes mistakes because he is doing things in a strange land. He has the advantage over us that he can use a foreign language to confuse his hearers and himself. Language is a glorious road to astounding misunderstandings and glorious squabbles. The missionary is dealing with strange customs and unreasonable laws which lead to wonderful boners if he uses his common sense. Land laws, labor laws, and incompetent bureaucracy all work to his advantage. Ghastly foods give him occasion to offend when he falls limp after the first bowl of fried pickles in mustard sauce over raw octopus ala grub grease.
The missionary makes mistakes because he is human. This, I realize, is not in itself enough to make him the true master of mistakes he is, as we mistakeless humans plainly illustrate. Perhaps missionaries are more human than we are, though I am reluctant to admit it. I rather think that it is just that they are in a place where it shows more. It seems that they have certain likes and dislikes about the people with whom they can work. This is true of us all. But they have the advantage of living in closer intimacy with their fellow workers than is generally possible with us. They depend more on one another. They expect more. This is a wonderful seedbed for disputes, dissensions, and hurt feelings.
The missionary gains an error-ability as he becomes consumed by his work, becomes tired and discouraged, and feels lonely. A crowning disappointment is often at the source of a really splendid blunder. And, of course, the missionary has the advantage of having more superb disappointments than most of us.
The missionary makes mistakes because it is inevitable. My final conclusion is that we cannot really give the missionary too much credit for his surpassing ability at making mistakes. He is not in fact worthy of our praise so much as I originally thought, for I have learned from abundant evidence that the missionary often finds himself in that enviable position where no matter what he does it will be wrong. Why, I actually think that if I had been in some of these situations, I could have made just as big a mistake myself, without any practice at all.
The result of my research, then, is this. If you want to be a missionary and are disturbed that you are not yet proficient enough in making mistakes to be properly qualified, you should give it no more thought. Go. You will learn on the field in the quickest and simplest manner. Despite what experienced missionaries, proud of their ability, may say, you can be just as successful in error as they have been.
I am revealing these facts with no malice toward the missionaries who have popularized the idea that their mistake-success is the product of some special talent they possess. Doubtless they were sincere, if mistaken. I am merely suggesting these true facts to encourage a greater number of aspiring young people to get out to the foreign fields and make mistakes; for God’s Word will never be heard without the missionary who makes mistakes.
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