By Brandon Guindon
Our living room buzzed with conversation. Most of it focused around a new couple, James and Sara, who came to visit our small group. My wife, Amber, and I have led small groups for 20 years, and this was one of those evenings that will always stick with me.
Before I called everyone together to begin our Bible lesson, I stood back and observed. I could not help but wonder what this new couple was thinking. What were they feeling as people greeted them, shook hands, even hugged? The room was filled with a relational warmth, and I realized I was witnessing a great example of what church should be: love.
Later that night, after small group was over, I was saying goodbye to each family as they left. James and Sara were last to leave. Amber and I stood with them on our front porch for another 10 minutes talking about our families and the outdoor activities we enjoyed. As the conversation wound down, I could not help but notice James was suddenly in tears. But before I could say anything, James said, “I cannot remember a time when I felt this loved.” I smiled because what seemed like a normal, friendly, and authentic conversation to me was a tear-inducing expression of love and connection to him. Not surprisingly, they returned to our small group the next week and became regular members.
What creates that kind of atmosphere? I mean, how in the world can a person experience a love like they have never before experienced in just an hour and a half with complete strangers? Where does that come from? It comes only from the love of God among his people.
Biblical love grows from our spiritual maturity. The Bible calls us to love one another, and as we grow in our relationship with Christ, our love for others will grow. I believe the church has fallen victim to the same issues as our secular culture: we become consumed by the busyness of life, so often influenced by social media. Relationships today are often measured by approval on social media or by a timely response to a text. The kind of relationships that foster love require that we fight against the secular culture with its relational unhealthiness. Love cannot be programmed; rather, love comes from our relationship with God and a genuine interest in authentic relationship with others.
We find all over the Gospels how Jesus expressed his love. Even in his greatest conflicts, he was demonstrating love. The most quoted verse in the Bible, John 3:16, even describes his love. Christ did not intend for the love he daily demonstrated as he discipled the Twelve to stop with him. The love he shows us in the Scriptures is not some abstract, far-off, unattainable “thing.” In fact, we are called to love people with the same kind of love as Jesus. We, the church, are commissioned to live out this love as the primary aim of discipleship.
LOVE IN THE BIBLE
Consider what our Lord said about love when a man asked, “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment of the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matthew 22:37-40).
Do you see how important it is that love characterize us as disciples of Christ? Whether you are a staff member, elder, or volunteer within the church, your greatest commandment is to love God and others. Love must be the defining characteristic of church culture. Without love we create a culture contrary to the gospel Jesus preached and lose the focus of all disciple-making.
ALTERNATIVES TO LOVE
Problems often arise in the church when spiritual maturity is equated with biblical knowledge. We have adopted a false notion that more knowledge makes someone a “better Christian.” Yet some of the most judgmental, harsh, and unloving people I have met in the church are those who have spent much of their lives in Bible study classes. I think Paul’s words ring true: “And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge . . . but have not love, I am nothing” (1 Corinthians 13:2, English Standard Version).
Biblical knowledge is important, don’t get me wrong. We need to study and know the Bible. We must teach people to learn the depths of Scripture. But to what end? To gain knowledge for the sake of knowledge? So that we can point out how wrong the secular culture is? No!
It’s all for love.
If biblical knowledge does not translate for us into a deeper love for God and others in a healthy way, we have missed the point! We become just like the Pharisees of Jesus’ time.
Remember the simple methodology of Jesus: he loved people even when they were unlovable. Too often, the church communicates to the outside world that you will only be loved and accepted once you clean yourself up. What an offense to the gospel! We are to love people right where they are. That does not mean we excuse sin or ignore ungodly behavior; it means we confront sin in a loving manner.
Jesus loved the woman at the well and spoke truth to her at the same time. Jesus loved Peter while rebuking him. Creating a culture where we love and accept people right where they are establishes the first and most important step toward building a healthy disciple-making culture.
HOW TO CREATE A CULTURE OF LOVE
So, what does this look like in practice? When I look at the life of Christ, which my staff, church leaders, and I have tried to emulate, I want to point out three consistent characteristics:
1. Compassionate. Compassion is a dominant attribute in the life of Christ. This means that he deeply cared—and cares—for those who cannot care for themselves. I have heard compassion called “empathy in action.” Compassionate people love others by getting in the mess with them and walking alongside those with deep emotional, physical, or spiritual needs. Churches regularly offer acts of kindness: assembling supplies to help hurricane victims, giving away turkeys at Thanksgiving, and providing blankets for the homeless. These are all good things, but they’re not necessarily acts of compassion.
The compassion I am talking about may begin with a similar kindness, but it goes deeper, connecting personally with those who need to be loved. It is heartfelt action that covers needs by delivering supplies to a flooded home and then staying to help mop up dirty water and sort through wet papers. It goes beyond the act itself and reaches into the heart and finds its way out through the hands. It is the love we show when we sit and listen to the stories of a homeless veteran or hold the hands of the hurting—all with the affections of Christ. Cultivating compassion creates security because people know they will be cared for when times get hard.
2. Inclusive. When he sat with Matthew the tax collector in his house, Jesus made a powerful statement to all the religious people—that the gospel is for all. The early church was filled with every kind of person.
Leaders must exert intentional effort to affect their church to love and include those who are not like them. Most churches in America tend to draw the moral, conservative, and cleaned-up types. If we are to reach a lost and dying world, we must be willing to be like Jesus and include those who are not like us.
This is not “inclusiveness” as the world defines it. We accept people as they are and invite them into relationship where God transforms them, never leaving them where they are. The church is to be a place that welcomes in the sinners so that they can learn truth, be loved, and walk alongside others as they grow spiritually.
3. Sacrificial. Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13, ESV). Death to self means sacrifice, and this happens daily. For example, are you willing to be interrupted? Judy, one of our staff members, sometimes reminds me that if we are to love people, we must be willing to be interrupted. Rather than rush to that meeting and pass by someone who is in tears, are you willing to stop and ask if they are OK?
Sacrificial love like this means you are willing to take the time to call families who are missing from your group or church gatherings, to visit someone in the hospital, and to take a meal to a family in need. When we live sacrificially, we express a kind of love that creates trust. It says, “When life is tough, I will be there. I’ve got your back.” That’s Christlike love. This type of life does not mean we get out of balance and give up our own families to help others. Yet we also understand that at times we must give our time, effort, and energy to serve others. At the root of love is sacrifice, and if we want to cultivate healthy disciple-making cultures that exude biblical love, we must be willing to sacrifice.
CULTIVATING A LOVING CULTURE
It starts with you! You will impact the culture by the way you love people. You must be emotionally present with your people and willing to love just as Jesus loved. Give people your full attention. Put your phone down and stop looking at social media. Get eye to eye with your people. In an age of constant distraction, you must be committed to living out the highest ethic that exists in the church—love.
A loving culture does not require us to solve everyone’s problems; nor does it demand that we throw truth out the window. Some think that to be loving we must disband truth and accept any sin that secular culture says is OK. Jesus didn’t do this, and neither must we.
A loving culture walks with someone in their struggle with sin. We hold the hands of the hurting because we too were once like that person. You and I are the misfits, and the incredible work of Jesus Christ and his forgiveness of our sin demands that we love like he did. So, let’s be willing to do whatever we can to love those who so desperately need to experience and be transformed by the love of Christ.
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Brandon Guindon serves as lead pastor of Real Life Ministries Texas. He is the author of Disciple Making Culture and Stay the Course and co-author of Real-Life Discipleship Training Manual, and he serves on the board of directors of the Relational Discipleship Network.
Adapted from Brandon Guindon’s book Disciple-Making Culture. You can purchase the book from the publisher and get free access to the accompanying video course at himpublications.com.
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