September 3 | Application (‘Candy’s Five Things’)

By David Faust 

What makes someone a good marriage partner? It’s natural to consider physical attractiveness, similar interests, and compatible personalities as desirable qualities in a mate. An article in Psychology Today called “What to Look for in a Potential Spouse” suggests looking for characteristics like confidence, generosity, humility, and loyalty.  

I remember having an awkward conversation with my future father-in-law nearly half a century ago. Candy and I had set our wedding date, and her dad asked me a direct question: “Why do you want to marry my daughter?” 

I stammered nervously, “Because I love her.” (I know, that’s profound!) Not satisfied, he pressed deeper and asked, “What does love mean to you?” I struggled to answer his question that day, but he graciously accepted me as his son-in-law anyway, and we enjoyed a good relationship to the day he died.  

Candy and I are not expert counselors, but during our 48 years of marriage, many couples have sought our advice prior to their wedding or during rough patches in their relationship. During these conversations I usually gesture toward my wife and tell the couple, “You need to hear ‘Candy’s Five Things.’” Her marriage advice boils down to five key factors. 

1. Shared Faith. “Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain” (Psalm 127:1). A shared commitment to Christ shapes the way couples prioritize their goals, handle conflicts, make financial decisions and career choices, endure hardships, build friendships, and pass along important values to their children. That’s why Scripture counsels us, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14).   

2. Open Communication. Healthy marriages require transparency, vulnerability, and self-disclosure. No dodging the tough topics. No lying or secret-keeping. No stuffing significant feelings inside. Couples need to practice good listening skills and talk openly about their thoughts and emotions. Like a fresh breeze, honest communication keeps the air clear.  

3. Complete Trust. In a relationship where two partners share their bucks, bodies, and beds, there is no room for dishonesty and emotional game-playing. Before deciding to marry, prospective spouses should honestly ask themselves, “Do I completely trust this person? Do I see any red flags—any signs he or she is untrustworthy? Am I confident my partner is being completely honest with me?” 

4. Mutual Respect. “Marriage should be honored by all” (Hebrews 13:4). Couples need to hold one another in high esteem. You’re asking for trouble if you marry someone whose behavior in any way makes you cringe. No one is perfect, but you should only marry someone you deeply respect. Disparaging comments and resentful attitudes poison a marriage, but mutual esteem and encouraging words nourish it. “The wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect” (1 Peter 3:7).  

5. Shared Vision. Candy encourages couples considering marriage to imagine the long-term impact of their life together by asking two important questions:  

• Will partnering with this person enhance my service to the Lord or detract from it?  

• If I try to imagine my life without him or her, how does it make me feel?  

I am thankful the Lord gave me a wise and godly wife. And just for the record, after all these years, I still have a lot to learn about what love means. 

Personal Challenge: Think of a couple whose marriage you admire. Ask them to tell you what they have learned about marriage. What hardships have they endured? What makes their relationship strong?