September 10 | Application (‘Tell Her’)

By David Faust 

A marriage counselor questioned a man about his wife. “Why don’t you buy her flowers?” The man’s response: “I didn’t know she sold flowers.” 

OK, most of us husbands aren’t that bad. But when it comes to emotional intelligence and interpersonal communication, we still have room for improvement.  

It happened over 40 years ago, but I cringe when I remember the first Mother’s Day after the arrival of our firstborn child. That evening my wife, Candy, became very quiet. When I asked what was wrong, she said, “It’s my first Mother’s Day as a mother, and you didn’t acknowledge it.” My reasoning? She was not my mother! I had sent a card to my own mom, and I looked forward to the day when our son himself would be old enough to wish Candy a happy Mother’s Day. That all made sense to me, so it never occurred to me that I should have made her day special.  

Without intentional effort, married couples often slip into bad habits and our conversations become drab and superficial. Someone quipped, “70 percent of marriage is yelling ‘What?’ from a different room.”  

James A. Garfield was a lawyer, a preacher in Restoration Movement churches, a Union Army officer during the Civil War, and he was elected to Congress. On June 8, 1880, after the Republican National Convention nominated him for president of the United States, he sent a rather blunt, unemotional telegram to his wife:  

TO: MRS. J.A. GARFIELD MENTOR, OHIO 

DEAR WIFE: IF THE RESULT MEETS YOUR APPROVAL, I SHALL BE CONTENT. LOVE TO ALL THE HOUSEHOLD. 

J.A. GARFIELD 

Evidently Mr. Garfield liked to keep his messages short and to the point. 

VERBALIZE YOUR AFFECTION  

Solomon’s Song of Songs, written by King David’s son, celebrates God’s gift of sexuality within the context of marriage, illustrates the Father’s love for his covenant people and Christ’s love for the church, and demonstrates how to express love with words of affirmation. Over and over again throughout the book, the husband tells his wife how beautiful she is.  

Admittedly, some of the Song’s colorful poetry sounds strange to us. It’s a compliment if I compare my wife’s eyes to doves (Song of Songs 1:15; 4:1) and her lips to a scarlet ribbon (4:3), but she won’t consider it romantic if I compare her hair to a flock of goats and her teeth to a flock of sheep (4:1-2). And I’m certain she won’t appreciate it if I compare her neck to a tower of stones big enough to hold a thousand shields (4:4). 

But whatever our personality types, and even if we sometimes struggle to express our emotions, husbands should “be considerate” toward our wives (1 Peter 3:7) and love them “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Christ honors his bride by loving her sacrificially, listening intently to her questions and concerns, and referring to her with affectionate terms like “beloved” and “radiant” and “chosen.” According to Proverbs 31, a wife of noble character is hard to find and worth more than rubies. “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all’” (Proverbs 31:28-29). 

If God has blessed you with a noble wife, thank him—and tell her.  

Personal Challenge: Has the Lord put a godly woman in your life? Perhaps a wife, a daughter, a faithful friend, a helpful neighbor, a wise sister in Christ, or someone who has been a spiritual mother to you? Let these godly women know how much you appreciate them. Send them a card or tell them face-to-face.