By David Faust
Have you noticed it’s become less fashionable for wedding ceremonies to happen in church buildings? In recent years I have attended or performed weddings in parks, barns, hotels, banquet halls, houses, backyards, and even a public library, but fewer couples are exchanging their vows in church facilities. In America today, only about one wedding out of five takes place at a house of worship—a sharp decline from past practices.
Is this trend a big deal? Maybe not. After all, the Bible doesn’t prescribe where wedding ceremonies should be held. But I wonder if the move away from church weddings says something about how both the church and marriage itself are viewed in our culture. Not to be a party pooper, but to be clear: the marriage covenant itself should always take precedence over the party.
Celebrations don’t have to be complicated and expensive to be meaningful and memorable. In simpler times, paid wedding coordinators and destination weddings were rare. Friends and relatives dressed up, showed up, and spruced up the environment with flowers and music. The minister began by saying, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the sight of God” and a photographer took pictures. After the ceremony everyone ate cake, nibbled on mixed nuts, sipped punch, and cheered as the happy couple drove off to enjoy their honeymoon without incurring a huge debt to pay for all the festivities.
THE FINANCIAL COST
According to a recent survey, the average cost of an American wedding in 2022 was $30,000, not including the engagement ring (average cost: $6,000). Wedding prices ranged from an average of $16,000 in Kansas to $51,000 in New Jersey. Couples hired an average of 14 wedding vendors (caterers, florists, videographers, musicians, hair stylists, and others). The average wedding cake cost $510, and a typical catered reception dinner cost $75 per person.
Lavish weddings took place in New Testament times, often including a whole week of feasting. Guests received advance invitations and wore special clothes to the banquet. Jesus attended a festive wedding where he changed water into wine. As believers, we look forward to a glorious wedding supper the Lamb of God will celebrate with his Bride (Revelation 19:6-9).
THE COVENANT COMMITMENT
The bride and groom don’t come to the wedding ceremony empty-handed. They bring their unique personalities, strengths, weaknesses, beliefs, habits, and hang-ups. They often bring along some baggage from past dating relationships and from the example they observed in their parents’ marriages. Ideally, the bride and groom bring their true selves to the ceremony as they humbly, wholeheartedly commit to lifelong faithfulness. Whether the future means better or worse, riches or poverty, sickness or health, they solemnly pledge to stay together until they are parted by death.
If you are an invited guest, what can you bring to the wedding? One important wedding gift doesn’t cost any money at all. Will you pray—really pray—for the bride and groom? Will you ask the Lord to help them fulfill their vows when tough times test their commitment? Will you ask God to fill them with wisdom and the fruit of the Spirit? Will you be part of a community of supportive believers who encourage them for years to come?
Yes, newlyweds appreciate gifts like cash, silverware, and air fryers. But prayers for faithfulness, fruitfulness, and joy will bless them for a lifetime.
Personal Challenge: Do you know a couple facing tough times in their marriage or family? Write them an encouraging card or note to let them know you love them and are praying for them. Enclose a gift card they can spend at their favorite store or restaurant.
Thanks, Dave. Kathy and I are going to a wedding this weekend and will pray for the couple often.
I always think the most important word in the vows is cherish. I believe you can cherish someone even in the midst of disagreements and other “growth” opportunities. Remembering what you cherish about each other can get you through tough times. IMHO
It’s definitely a trend I’ve been concerned about for years. And I always pray for the couple throughout the ceremony and celebration. In general the venue doesn’t matter, I get that, but the further you are physically away from the church, it just feels like the further you are away from God, at least it can feel that way. That’s why we focus on meeting in person, right? But my other reason is definitely the cost. I think back to our wedding in 2001 and how inexpensive it was because we had our friends help with making it a potluck style (my parents were low income and so were my husband and I), we borrow decorations from a friend’s wedding, my mom made my dress for $150, the local grocery store made our cake, and we only had to pay my pastor a small fee. An older teenager who wanted to become a photographer did the photos, another friend pressed record on the video camera. My dad made and printed the order of ceremonies, etc. etc. And was it just as memorable as all the other expensive weddings I’ve been to since then? Absolutely! We were actually able to invite way more people because it was inexpensive. Both of us grew up in church, and met through Lincoln Christian University, so the church made sense as well.
I hope that our children decide to get married in a church building, but today’s church buildings aren’t as beautiful as they used to be, at least not in our movement, so we’ll see. And some churches don’t allow wedding receptions, not even the cake and punch variety, due to liability in their kitchens, so who knows. Times have changed.
But marriage promises have not. And having a real pastor there to give a sermon on what the marriage covenant means is more important than the physical location. And then the marriage vows mirroring that. Those are my favorite weddings.