By Victor Parachin
All his life, the young seminarian had been the model of success: good grades, good relationships, and good work ethic. Then, while in seminary, he began to experience intense anxiety, depression, pervasive fatigue, insomnia, digestive problems, and blurred vision. As his anxiety mounted and his depression deepened, he contemplated suicide. Fortunately, his family was alerted and intervention took place. The young man spent four months in a psychiatric facility and then more time recuperating at home. He returned to seminary studies and graduated summa cum laude by maintaining an A+ average.
That seminarian was Harry Emerson Fosdick, one of America”s most outstanding preachers and first minister of New York City”s famed Riverside Church. His bout with mental illness as a young man at the turn of the century had a permanent and positive impact upon his ministry and those to whom he ministered.
During his time of darkness, Fosdick would say, “I learned to pray not because I had adequately argued out prayer”s rationality, but because I desperately needed help from a Power greater than my own. I learned that God, much more than a theological proposition, is an immediately available Resource.”
Looking back at his bout with mental illness, Fosdick said, “While it was the most hideous experience of my life, I have learned to be grateful for it.”
Dos and Don”ts
Fosdick”s experience provides two important lessons. First, professional ministers are not immune to the stresses and struggles of life and can, like everyone else, fall into the grip of a mental illness. Second, ministers who have experienced a form of mental illness can become highly effective wounded healers and spiritual leaders. When a minister faces his or her own mental demons, it is vital that the church reach out with empathy and compassion. Here are some guidelines for church leaders who want to minister to a pastor struggling with mental illness.
Do be aware of the signs that may indicate a mental illness. While these are hard to pin down, the signs often include:
“¢ Marked personality change
“¢ Difficulty coping with problems and daily activities
“¢ Excessive worries
“¢ Prolonged depression
“¢ Changes in sleeping and eating patterns
“¢ Extreme mood swings
“¢ Excessive anger and hostility
“¢ Abuse of alcohol or other drugs
“¢ Self-destructive actions
“¢ Impulsive or erratic behavior
Don”t be confrontational. Approach the minister in a spirit of humility, kindness, and love. The minister should be invited to meet with a very small group””two or three people is ideal””to discuss the matter. More than three can make a pastor feel ganged up on.
Do be respectful. The pastor”s mental illness is his and no one else”s. He must have a say in his recovery.
Don”t criticize or moralize about the behavior. For example, a person who is highly depressed may tend to sleep a lot. It is not helpful to tell him he is lazy and not putting in enough time on the job.
Do state the problem, as you perceive it, clearly and precisely.
Don”t demand. Indicate that you want to explore options and solutions together with the pastor. It can help to come up with two or three options allowing the minister to choose what is comfortable.
Do assist the pastor in understanding there may be consequences if agreed options are not followed. Again, present this using nonthreatening words and expressions.
Don”t become impatient or have unrealistic expectations. Be patient and give the pastor time to recover and heal. Remember the words of the apostle Paul: “Love is patient and kind . . . love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:4, 5, Today”s English Version).
Do consult with a professional who can guide you on positive and effective ways of dealing with the situation. This could be a Christian counselor with training in crisis intervention, a social worker, another psychologist, etc.
Don”t think that one meeting or conversation will resolve the entire matter. Plan to have a few follow-up meetings and provide ongoing support.
Do generate hope and hopeful attitudes. Reflect on this biblical insight: “When hope is crushed, the heart is crushed” (Proverbs 13:12, TEV). Do all you can to foster hopeful attitudes because without hope, depression will deepen into despair. Always convey optimism and the expectation of a successful outcome. Even if the matter is at a crisis level, try to spotlight areas of encouragement. Consider wisdom from psychologist H. Norman Wright, author of Crisis Counseling:
It is important to foster hope and positive expectations. Do not give them false promises, but encourage them to solve their problems. Your belief in their capabilities will be important. This is a time when they need to borrow your hope and faith until theirs returns. You expect the crisis to be resolved in some way at some time, and you expect them to work and be able to solve problems. It is your approach and interaction with them that usually conveys this rather than making blanket statements to them.
Don”t abandon the pastor after the meeting. Continue to help him manage the illness by:
“¢ Being emotionally supportive and patient
“¢ Keeping the relationship as un-changed as possible
“¢ Expressing compassion for what the minister is experiencing without claiming to understand all of it
“¢ Remaining available throughout the treatment
Of course, it is vital that those seeking to minister to a mentally ill minister pray not only for their pastor but for themselves, that they will have both courage and wisdom in the ways they seek to reach out and help. The following prayer from the Lakeshore Mental Health Institute, Knoxville, Tennessee, is a good model:
O God, whose circle of care includes all, encourage us and our families, that we might cope faithfully with mental illness. Deepen our understanding. Teach us patience. Increase our capacity for empathy and acceptance. Help us not to be victimized by the stigmatizing attitudes of the uninformed and uncaring. Enable us to share the journey, to find strength in partnership with others, to build together a community of support and healing. So nurture and sustain us in your love and understanding, that we may act wisely and serve compassionately, to relieve suffering, provide care, and offer hope.
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Victor M. Parachin writes books and contributes to a wide variety of publications from his home in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
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