By Clayton Hentzel
The results are in, and they are not good. Pastors across the country are contemplating getting out of ministry. This should not come as a surprise. Ministry is tough. One of the challenges is balancing, if possible, the demands of ministry and being fully present and leading at home. The Bible makes it clear that leadership in the church starts in the home when it lays out the guidelines in the Pastoral Epistles. Regrettably, in a 2022 Barna Report focusing on the concerns of pastors who had considered quitting the ministry, 29% of the respondents were unhappy with the effect their ministry role had on their family. So, how do leaders make sure they and their family can remain in ministry for the long haul? Here are seven not-so-easy steps that make a big difference.
Stop being a people pleaser.
I say this as a recovering people pleaser. It can be tempting to try to please everyone else instead of having a clear understanding of what God has called you to do. When you have a clear understanding of what you are called to do, it will help you understand what God has not called you to do. Sometimes, it can be easier to disappoint your family than to disappoint the people in your church. However, your church has more than likely had many pastors, while your wife will hopefully have only one husband and your kids one dad.
Establish clear boundaries.
This one is the hardest in my opinion. Everyone wants something from you. The problem is that often, the things they want from you conflict with other things they want from you. At our church, people and staff want access to me regularly. They want me to be an open-door pastor, but they also want me to be further ahead on my sermons. So, I have established days in my week where one or the other can happen, but not both. This has been incredibly rewarding and fulfilling.
I maintain an open-door policy two days a week. I also arrange one or two days a week when people in the church can schedule meetings with me. I know this sounds crazy to make people who are having difficulties schedule a meeting during office hours to meet with me. What about meeting them in a crisis? What about being there for them in an emergency? Hard truth incoming. Most people are not in an emergency situation. My dad is a veterinarian. He has made a great living with people bringing their animals into his office during business hours. They take off work to bring their dog in for its annual check-up and shots. If people are willing to take off work for a pet, they can do the same for their marriage. This applies to appointments with barbers, dentists, and mental health professionals, too. If people are not willing to take off work, they are not as serious about fixing their marriage as they are letting on. This is a great way to establish fertile ground instead of throwing pearls to pigs.
Our goal as a church staff is to be home five nights a week and to do ministry two nights a week. There might be a time or two when you are gone three nights in a week during a quarter and five or so once or twice a year. As I am writing this I am on a stretch where I am gone seven nights in a row for different ministry events, and 10 nights out of 14 days. However, at the end of this run, I have two weeks where I have nothing scheduled in the evenings and nothing will get scheduled. It’s okay to sprint from time to time, but you also need to recover.
Make strategic investments in leaders.
As a church grows, so must its leadership capacity. Over time, your leadership gifts will in many cases need to outpace your pastoral gifts. Why? It is not possible to pastor everyone! You have heard this before. The question is, what has changed since you read it last? Let’s focus on action. Make a list of several guys (maybe five to 10) in your church you enjoy spending time with and who fill you up. Start taking them with you on ministry moments. I used to have a guy drive me to places I was preaching. I have invited people to join me as I made hospital visits. I try to bring a couple of people in on projects or initiatives. This allows me to guide the decision-making process while others provide much of the energy and effort.
Prune your ministry for effectiveness.
Most growing churches do not have large and crowded ministry calendars. Think of it like the game, tug of war. Keep your feet planted, pull hard, then take up the slack. If you don’t provide time between ministry events, there will be no time to take up the slack and capture the fruit of the ministry moment. Think about the farmers in your region. They don’t plant all the time; they plant strategically. They don’t harvest all the time; they harvest strategically. Sit down with your team and decide what ministry moments you need to lead out on and what ministry moments need to be carried by others or allowed to come to a graceful end.
We have a food pantry ministry at our church. I attended it once a year and shared a brief devotional thought. One of the volunteers commented that it was nice to finally have me around. I replied, “This is not my ministry, this is your ministry. I don’t expect you to attend all of the ministries that I do, and you should not expect me to attend all of the ministries that you do. Also, you should not be doing this ministry to be seen by me, but because you love it and feel called to do it. If the only ministry we do as a church is the ministry that I can do or attend, we will never be able to accomplish all that we can accomplish.” You should also check out Ephesians 4:12 and allow God’s Word to define your role at your church instead of the wishes and desires of the people. One of the craziest stories in the early church is found in Acts 6 when the 12 were presented with an urgent need. Rather than handling the problem on their own, they chose to empower people to handle it.
Stack Targets.
As you reduce your ministry for effectiveness, take time to see how many wins you can get out of a single event or ministry. For example, every year we have tried to get people signed up into groups. The hardest people to get connected to groups are men. Over the last 10 years, we have been doing a Men’s Conference called Uncommon. We know that time away dedicated to the Lord is critical in helping people grow spiritually and take their next steps of faith. We do it every year with our kids through camp. However, in many cases, we are sending on-fire kids home to lukewarm parents. The number one step we ask men to take at Uncommon is to get into a group for eight weeks. It is the single greatest mover of growing and launching groups in our church. The crazy thing is that our Uncommon Conference is cash flow positive on our budget. We use the proceeds to help other churches start a conference in their region of ministry. In short, instead of making announcements from stage to get people in groups, they pay to attend a conference that puts them in groups and the revenue it produces helps other churches start conferences that get men in groups.
Remind your family and your church that your kids are not on staff.
Your kids should be able to act up as much as any other kid. We have multiple services every weekend. It was fine to take our kids to all the services when they were young, but once they entered elementary school, we had them attend one service and sometimes two per weekend instead of all 3 three. We would rather them want to be at church than forced to attend every time the doors are open. That means that sometimes my wife is not available to meet every person at every service. Don’t care. I would rather treat my kids like children of Christian parents than forced staff members.
Block out the time.
You can get away with a lot with your kids if you set aside real time for them. I try my best to take them to school every day, so I don’t have a lot of morning meetings. If I do, I meet after 8:30. I also try to be at home and off work from 6-8 p.m. almost every night to be available for them. I can work after 8:30 if I need to. However, giving them two hours in the evening after school to make a meal, throw a ball, and wrestle, buys you a ton of grace when you need to be gone for real emergencies or church initiatives.
If you do a poor job navigating these waters, you will end up resenting the church—and so will your kids. That’s not fair. You’re the leader, so lead with the end in mind.
Clayton Hentzel is lead pastor with The Crossing in Quincy, Illinois.
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