By Jan Johnson
Now and then in quiet moments, we dream for our children and grandchildren, nieces and nephews. We wonder how we can help them become adults who know God and who build loving relationships. How can God”s love shape them into compassionate people in a self-absorbed culture? What will help them learn to offer cups of cold water to the thirsty?
Can they set aside the pull of materialism to make a difference in the world God so loves?
BEING INTENTIONAL IN DAILY LIFE
Time pressure thwarts our efforts. What with doctor”s appointments, soccer games, and homework obligations, we must be intentional as we do the things families usually do.
For example, running errands is a typical family chore, but Sharon Norris, a teacher and mother of two boys, developed a project for those summer days she was off from school. As they visited museums and ran errands, they frequently saw folks holding signs that said, “Will work for food.”
Says Sharon, “In the mornings before we left, we packed three or four sandwiches. I used extra grocery money to buy bread and bologna, and if I had more, I got juices too. We also put a tract from our church in each bag.” So instead of zooming past hungry folks, they stopped, talked, and handed them a bag.
(Another idea is to keep “basic bags” in your car to hand out: plastic bags filled with a toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, deodorant, shampoo, comb, and a washcloth. Baby powder for sore, tired feet adds a special touch.)
VOLUNTEERING AS A FAMILY
One of the best ways to help kids experience being the hands and feet of Christ in this world is by volunteering as a family””with you, the parent, as a fun partner. By your example, you already show your children how to shop, relax. and eat fast food””doesn”t it make sense that you would show them how to serve by serving alongside them?
Serving together gives families quality time to spend together. It relieves the guilt parents feel when they”re torn between serving others and spending time with family. Instead of feeling guilty for leaving your kids to help others, you can serve in ways that also involve your kids.
If you have concerns about safety or if your kids are naturally shy, volunteering as a family is ideal. You get to pick out situations that will be stretching but not terrifying. Your children get to serve next to you””the adult in their life who provides them security.
Volunteering together builds consistency in kids. According to a study by the Points of Light Foundation, kids are more likely to stick with an avenue of service if they volunteer beside a parent or grandparent. Families make committed volunteers because they enjoy themselves more since they”re with their families.
That”s not to say every organization knows what to do with an entire family. When I called the volunteer coordinator at a downtown shelter to volunteer my family, she was stunned by my request. We wanted to serve at a “neighborhood picnic” on the Fourth of July just after the Los Angeles riots. “We”ve never had a whole family volunteer before,” she said. “This is so unusual. Your family can join the college group that”s coming.” And we did.
As anyone might guess, our 11- and 12-year-old children worked harder that day than they”ve ever worked in my kitchen. They cleaned up spills and cooperated with each other (gasp!) without one hint from Dad or me.
I didn”t growl when they accidentally splashed red punch on our white shirts. The four of us worked side by side, listening to guests” stories and holding undernourished, cooing babies. When one of us got tired, another filled in. After this introduction, my kids have continued to volunteer at nearby missions and enjoy it.
We always try to mix fun with service, so we were planning to take them out for a treat. But something better happened. After serving the meal, we explored the crumbling walls of the mission. When we were ready to leave, the kitchen help sat our two kids on stools and gave them huge tubs of ice cream to enjoy. It was a memorable day in the life of our family.
BUT WHAT CAN KIDS DO?
The main roadblock to family volunteerism, according to the Points of Light study, is finding projects suitable for whole families. Once you”re looking for them, you”ll find opportunities to serve whether you live in a city, suburb, or rural area. Consider these ideas:
1. Help with kids. Help a church in town with a latchkey program or a summer “sidewalk Sunday school.” You and your kids can do simple things like serve refreshments.
Rachel Miller tells how she and her junior-high age sons babysat at a transition home for new teenage mothers. What did she tell her sons about these unwed mothers? “My sons asked, “˜Where are the dads?” and I had to explain some of the realities of teenage hormones. This led to conversations about them as boys and their responsibilities to deal with their hormones.”
2. Serve a holiday dinner at a street mission. The simplicity and gratefulness at a holiday mission meal keeps our celebrations in perspective. Our whole family served a Thanksgiving meal when our kids were preschoolers. I”d wanted to do this, but wondered how it would work out for our kids. The other volunteers were actually charmed by our kids and gave them small tasks to do. They also spent a lot of time playing with kids from the mission”s neighborhood, which was terrific.
3. Bring a meal to a housebound elderly person. You can do this through a program such as Meals on Wheels or by adopting a senior citizen in your church as a “grandparent.”
4. Do construction or maintenance outdoor projects. Join a group within your church that”s cleaning an elderly person”s yard. I found a Habitat for Humanity chapter that let us bring our kids who were then under 16.
5. Visit a nursing home. Prepare your children, says nurse and mother Mary Price. She told her children: “It will look like a hospital and have the funny smells of medicines and cleaning products. It will smell of urine because many of the people can”t control bodily functions. When they need help with the bathroom, the workers can”t get there fast enough. If people moan and reach out to touch you, it”s because children excite them and they want to respond. They aren”t trying to hurt you. Even though they may not understand what”s going on, they still need people to love them.”
Mary wanted her children to interact with patients, so she sent them as a pair. She urged them to pick out someone and try to talk to that person. She told them, “First, get down on eye level so they don”t have to bend back in the wheelchair. That”s being respectful to them. Then introduce yourself and talk to them.” She gave them a script, of sorts, and stood by if they had questions or concerns.
HOW TO MAKE FAMILY VOLUNTEERING WORK
“¢ Find activities within the capabilities of all family members, especially if that will include preschoolers or grandparents. Or you may want to join another family in a project to make it more fun. How a family chooses to serve together will be as varied as families are themselves.
“¢ Pray with your children ahead of time for the people you”re going to serve. You could do that several times at a meal or bedtime before and after you serve. Demonstrate to them that “being” (praying) and “doing” (serving) go hand in hand.
“¢ Look for opportunities that promote relationships. Develop friendships when you visit a nursing home, homeless shelter, or soup kitchen. Service means “doing with” more than “doing for.”
HOW CHILDREN BENEFIT
Serving side by side with our children helps them gain self-confidence as they see they can make a difference in this world. They feel proud we”ve invited them into our adult world to be of use to others. Later in life, they will be more likely to emerge as leaders because they”re used to helping and aren”t intimidated by someone who looks or talks differently.
Serving also builds character. When kids develop a relationship with someone who struggles to survive, they witness courage and determination. They see the things our culture values””personality, sex appeal, and flair””are no substitute for character. As they get older and see how people often love things and use people, our children will have tasted the ways of Jesus, who loved people and used things.
In fact, it”s difficult to know who is helped more: your kids or the folks they”ve given their time to.
Jan Johnson is a speaker and the author of Growing Compassionate Kids (Upper Room Books, 2001).
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