By Kevin Demmitt
Throughout history the church has led the way in challenging societies to improve the quality of family life for both men and women. In the ancient world governed by patriarchal standards, the church progressively proclaimed sexual fidelity for both men and women, sacrificial love between a husband and wife, and commitment to preserving the bond of marriage. Christians challenged social norms by teaching respect for men, women, and children patterned after the love of Christ for his church.
Soft Patriarchs, a recent book by Bradford Wilcox, documents that even today those who regularly attend evangelical churches are the most committed to their families and to the emotional welfare of their spouses. But Wilcox also found evangelicals are the most traditional when it comes to female employment, the division of household chores, and parenting. In other words, conservative Christian men tend to be more expressive and caring toward their family, but are less likely to share in household tasks and child care.
The gender role teachings of many evangelical churches and parachurch ministries are based more upon 20th-century middle-class values than on the Bible. The traditional ideal of the wife as a full-time homemaker and mother is a relatively new phenomenon based on a brief period in American history following World War II when one wage earner could support a family on his own.
Historical Perspective
Most families in the United States today are dual career with both spouses working full-time. Approximately 52 percent of all married women are employed full-time and another 17 percent are employed part-time. Only 30 percent of all married women identify themselves as full-time homemakers. There is not a significant difference with regard to employment for women who attend church weekly and the rest of the population. Most women are employed full-time regardless of their religious beliefs. More than two-thirds of all married couples need to balance the demands of two jobs.
Throughout most of history women have been involved in economic production. This was taken for granted during both Old Testament and New Testament times. For example, the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 is revered in part for economic skills in producing and selling goods for the market. In the New Testament, references to male headship in the family refer exclusively to spiritual leadership and do not address the issue of economic provision or housework. That women would contribute to the economic welfare of the family does not appear to have even been a question at the time. The biblical calling for husbands and wives is much higher than the decision of who should keep house and who should be employed outside the home””it is to build a God-centered home that encourages spiritual growth and the spreading of the gospel.
Church”s Role
Most ministers have moved away from overtly preaching against women being employed outside the home. The most common stance seems to be that it is acceptable for women to be employed as long as they put a priority on their marriage and child-rearing responsibilities. Little mention is made of women pursuing a calling in the workplace or the satisfaction that can come from using their gifts and talents both inside and outside the home.
But if traditional gender role standards with regard to employment and housework are based on culture and not Scripture, why should there be a double standard at all? Should not marriage and children be a priority for both men and women? The emphasis for Christians ought not be on a particular division of household labor, but on a shared commitment to building a household that honors God.
Churches need to do more than just tolerate women”s participation in the workplace. The church can model for the world how work and family life must be balanced in a way that supports both spouses and brings honor to God. But to do that will require some changes in practice and attitudes.
1. Honor single-earner and dual-earner families equally. The mark of a Christian family has nothing to do with who works outside the home and who does not, yet many churches and ministries still hold up the single-earner family as the ideal. This may not be done as overtly as it once was, but the message is still there. For example, at a marriage conference I recently attended many of the skits began with the husband coming home from work to his waiting wife. Although it was never stated that women should not be employed, none of the skits or illustrations used throughout the day involved a dual-career couple.
I have heard many preachers lift up stay-at-home moms as models of sacrifice and virtue who are pursuing a higher calling than work. While such praise may be well-intended, what does this say to women who are employed outside the home and to their husbands who support their decision? In lifting up one model of work and family life, are not others being relegated to a lower status?
Perhaps the exaltation of single-earner families is a backlash to feminist rhetoric that devalues parenthood and homemaking. Parenting and housekeeping certainly are important. It is perfectly acceptable for one spouse to maintain the household while the other works, especially when there are young children. But the teachings of the church ought not diminish the standing of dual-career couples who can share the same priorities but have chosen other ways to balance their household division of labor.
Dual-career couples can be just as devoted to their children as single-career couples. Yes, they may need to work harder at scheduling time together, but their work status by itself is not an indication of a lack of priority on family life. To imply otherwise can be offensive to the majority of couples who hold that status.
Preachers and church leaders need to be mindful of not using work status as an indicator of commitment to the family. In my own marriage, there have been times when my wife was employed and times when she was not, but our commitment to our family did not change. Husbands and wives, employed or not employed, need to be encouraged to build households that honor God. And women who choose to be employed should be encouraged the same as men to use their talents and abilities to bring glory to God, whether it be in the workplace or the home. Work is not just about making money; it is also about putting to use the personal resources God has given us.
2. Encourage men to share responsibility for housework and child-rearing. I am amused when I hear men say they are helping out around the house or helping take care of the children. The subtle implication is that housework and child care are the wife”s responsibility and that husbands play a supporting role out of the goodness of their hearts. This would be like me telling my department chair that I am going to help him out by teaching my classes or meeting with students. It is not helping out if it is my job in the first place.
To be a healthy dual-career family, husbands and wives must both see raising their children and maintaining the household as their shared responsibility. This does not mean all tasks must be shared equally, but it does mean that both are responsible to work together until the job is done.
Family researchers have found that evangelical Christian men are generally less involved doing housework even when their wives are employed. If the church is to model love and unity in marriage, then Christians need to be in the forefront, modeling the balance of work and family life.
3. Offer schedules friendly to dual-career families. One concrete way the church can help dual-career couples is through its scheduling of church activities. For example, many churches have Mom”s Day Out or similar programs to provide short-term child care during the daytime so that mothers can take a break or run errands. To support dual-career couples, similar services could be offered in the evening to give a couple time together. Similarly, women”s groups can be scheduled for both daytime and evening hours so that more women have the opportunity to participate.
Churches may also consider consolidating their programming to encourage families to spend more time together. This can be done by limiting the number of nights per week the church sponsors activities or by providing more whole-family activities. The church can be one of the worst offenders when it comes to pulling families in different directions. On a typical Sunday, the children and teenagers go to their ministry areas while the adults go to another. And sometimes churches offer separate classes for men and women so that not even the husband and wife are together. While age- and sex-specific ministries certainly have their place, there also need to be options for activities that bring families together.
4. Provide training and support for dual-career couples. Finally, the church can play a leading role in providing dual-career couples with instruction and support in balancing work and family life. This training could occur in classes, or experienced couples could mentor younger couples.
Family life has changed in the last 50 years, though not as dramatically as many may think. Women have always been involved in providing for their families, and men have always had to balance their family responsibilities with their work. Rather than ignoring this, the church must lead the way in showing both men and women how to prioritize their work, marital commitment, and parenting responsibilities to the glory of God.
Kevin Demmitt is professor of sociology at Clayton State University, Morrow, Georgia.
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