A Safe Place to Be a Sinner

By Name Withheld

A friend told me about an incident that occurred in the small Midwestern church where she grew up in the late 1970s.

When she was about 10, her church hired a young associate minister. It seemed everyone enjoyed the breath of fresh air he brought to the congregation, especially during Sunday morning services. He was musically gifted and spoke eloquently from the pulpit, rivaling the senior pastor! (My friend recalls this young minister with fondness because her family often had him over to Sunday dinner and holiday gatherings.)

You can imagine the shock she experienced when one Sunday morning she and her family arrived at church to find that the young minister had been “released””””fired” is probably a more accurate term. No reasons were given for his dismissal. No special congregational meeting was called to give an explanation. He simply vanished like a rabbit that darts across your path in the woods and disappears into a thicket.

The truth that became known to her as she grew older, was that the young minister had been living in a homosexual relationship. After his same-sex struggle came to the attention of the church authorities he was given the “left hand of fellowship” (which was reaching quickly for the back door!) so that the church at large, although puzzled, would be spared the burden of dealing with such a problem.

That was many years ago. Wouldn”t it be wonderful if the church had changed and was now a healthier place? Don”t we all wish the church were a place where a person who struggles with sexual sin of any kind could walk out into the light and find help and healing in the body of Christ instead of being shunned? (By the way, I don”t condone that minister”s behavior nor think it wrong for the church to call for his dismissal.)

But, the sad fact is this: Historically the church has been squeamish when it comes to sexual sin, and for the most part, has had no idea how to deal redemptively with those who struggle. More often than not we”ve succeeded in avoiding the proverbial elephant sitting in the middle of the room while simultaneously alienating, shaming, and/or ignoring strugglers.

Will we be the light of the world Jesus spoke about in Matthew 5? Will we allow that light to be a reflection of his heart through us so all can come to God and receive healing? For this to be possible, we must know what the heart of Jesus embraced and how it communicated love. And we must do the same.

Eliminate Categories

It”s no big secret. Jesus loved sinners. And sinners loved Jesus. Much of this mutual love and acceptance came from the fact that Jesus had no categories (sinner/saint, in/out, seeker/member, gay/straight). God, through Jesus, sees only one type of person””a person in need of his love. That”s it.

We love categories. We get hooked into delineating who”s in and who”s out, and whose sin is worse. (I guess it helps us keep things neat in our brains.) But when we act out of a category mentality, no matter how many nice words like “love” and “grace” we may throw around, our categories speak louder than words and alienate the very people Jesus attracted.

For example, if we preach Christ”s unconditional acceptance from the pulpit but then forbid people struggling with same-sex attraction the opportunity to experience the body of Christ, our categories get in the way. If we keep sexual strugglers from being transformed by ministries like a small group, a mission trip, or a planning team, we end up further hurting the wounded.

So step one to becoming a safe place for sinners is to seek Jesus” eyes, so that we can see everybody beyond categories. If we allow Christ to give us his eyes, we”ll make giant steps toward attracting many who struggle with all types of sin, not just sexual sin.

Say The Words

Broken sexuality is the besetting plague of our culture. And this may shock you: broken sexuality is the besetting plague of the modern church as well. It will continue to be until we”re willing to look ourselves and our culture squarely in the eye and honestly address the issues that are hindering the kingdom of God. In order to tackle these issues we must be willing as pastors and teachers to do two important things.

First, we must share our own brokenness. If you are a pastor or teacher, please meditate on the following sentence until you believe it: Your greatest ministry will not flow out of your greatest strength or gifting””it will flow out of your greatest weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9,10).

Unfortunately, the church can be not only an unsafe place for parishioners, it can also be a very unsafe and unhealthy place for pastors. My friend”s story proves that ministers have a legitimate right to fear a church that has historically shot its wounded. But regardless of your fears to disclose your truest struggles, no matter how shameful they may seem to you, deep inside you know that true healing will come for you and your congregation only when the great wall of silence is breached. You can become the catalyst for change.

Second, we must be willing to say the words. No longer can we cautiously avoid the sexual brokenness happening all around us. In order for strugglers to know we”re safe, we must be willing and able to address sexual sin from a public place””openly, specifically, and often.

And when I say “specifically” I mean saying the words such as homosexuality, same-sex attraction, addiction, or pornography. If you speak in vague generalities, those who are dealing with rather specific sexual sin issues may find in your silence loopholes to continue their lifestyle. This is the way sins” deceitfulness works. And when you say the words in a loving, open, and honest way, you give a warm invitation to those who have stayed hidden in their shame for so long.

You invite them to come out of hiding because you were brave enough to address it. Saying the words communicates, “I know what you”re dealing with. You”re not a freak or a monster. You”re broken but still loved. Come into this community and find healing if you want it. It”s OK, we”re safe.”

Be Prepared for a Journey

Nothing in ministry is ever as cut-and-dried as we”d like it to be. There are rarely easy answers or quick fixes once we step outside our Bible college world. Remember that brokenness is woven into the fabric of who we are. It”s taken a long time for some to get into the mess they”re in and it may take a long time for them to get out of it.

If you want to create a safe environment for sinners, then you must be prepared to walk with people struggling with sexual sin through all their issues. You see, sexual sin is by its very nature addictive. Therefore expect relapses and falls. Expect times of thrilling victory and sobriety, and expect times when your poster child for sexual wholeness walks in and confesses to falling to a sin you thought was far behind him.

You see, there are many who”ve come into the light about their sexual sin to find believers eager and willing to help. But when it was discovered that this person”s sin was a little too messy they backed off and that struggler was left alone once again in his fight.

Are you willing to go the distance with folks who may struggle with same-sex attraction for the rest of their lives? (Not acting on urges mind you, but still struggling with their sexual identity.) Are you willing to call them brothers and sisters in Christ in spite of their brokenness? Are you willing to let them speak into your life about your brokenness and learn from them as well? Are you willing to erase categories? Are you willing to speak the words that fling open the doors to freedom?

One final thought. John Fisher once wrote about this startling dream: Imagine you enter church one Sunday morning to find printed in the bulletin your deepest, darkest sin. Right next to your name is that ugly thing you have always struggled with but kept hidden. But as you study the handout more closely you realize that everyone”s name who attends your church is also printed there along with their deepest darkest sin!

You walk into the sanctuary to join the rest of your church family now uncovered. The music begins to play. The glory and grace of Jesus is being sung about. You look around the room at your comrades in brokenness. You smile. Then you throw your head back and start to worship like never before.

Finally you have entered into a safe place to be a sinner.

 

 

This article was written by a man now serving in the ministry with a Christian church.