Our Motives for Pure Living

By Greg Allen

My heart broke when I heard Ted Haggard”s admission of sexual sin that led to his being removed from the leadership of New Life Church in Colorado Springs. What was your reaction?

Did your heart break for the kingdom of God? Did you pray for Ted”s wife and children? Did you pray for God to lead New Life”s leadership? Or did you possibly chalk it up to another fallen minister? Were you tempted to be suspect of the denomination that New Life belongs to? Or were you disinterested because you don”t know Ted or New Life Church?

Be honest, what went through your mind?

I am personally affected by Ted”s unfaithfulness to his wife. I have known Ted Haggard for several years. I can tell you he is a genuine brother in Christ, who was a humble leader, a good Bible teacher, but who took his eyes off Christ for an extended period of time and sinned terribly against Christ and his body.

But Ted is not the only Christian leader I know who has chosen unwisely and lost leadership privilege. I”ve had colleagues, close friends, and even family members take their eyes off Jesus long enough to lose focus in the sexual war waged by Satan. As a result, they have been removed from ministry leadership positions. I hurt for them all. I hurt for my wife too because I fear she and all other pastor”s wives can get nervous when we even talk to another woman. That shouldn”t be.

How should we respond when our brothers fall? How should we pray? How does it affect our leadership in our churches? What lessons do we learn for our own marriages?

Well, I”m no marriage counselor, not even the greatest husband, but I do love Christ, my wife, my children, my local church, and my brothers in Christ who fight every man”s battle. And in the spirit of total humility and dependence on Christ, I offer a few thoughts I pray can encourage all who lead others to follow Christ.

These ideas are by no means my own. The past 23 years I have watched two colleagues set a great example as great husbands. These two men combine 63 years of ministry experience. Most of what I offer here I learned from them. Thank you Bob and Dave.

Beginning Point

Humility. It all starts with humility. The humility to say that “except for the grace of God there go I.” Like the concept taught in the handbook for Alcoholics Anonymous, each person must admit he is powerless over Satan”s clever sexual schemes and therefore totally dependent on the indwelling power of God in his life to fight for purity and faithfulness.

Second Corinthians 12:9, 10 teaches it is the grace of God, not our flesh, that is sufficient. The truth is, our very weakness in the flesh proves the power of God to be the cause for any victory, including a victory of marital fidelity. Steve Arterburn is right; it is every man”s battle, and we must give that battle to our Lord.

And we must be humble when we address a brother who has been baited and trapped and then committed infidelity. Galatians 6:1 instructs us to respond gently, humbly, with the overall motive of restoration. Our goal should not be to condemn. I believe the fallen brother has already been condemned by the truth of God. Our goal should be to restore him to the body of Christ.

Restoration

Scripture, of course, also teaches that if the fallen brother is stubborn and refuses counsel, he should be put out of fellowship. But even that course of action has as its goal the restoration of the fellow believer. I think this restoration process should be quick. And we shouldn”t shy away from confronting the sin. In Matthew 7:1-5 Jesus instructs us to take the speck out of our brother”s eye. We should be sure to deal with our sin first; but deal with it, and then confront the brother living in sin. While the confrontation might be painful, it is biblical and beneficial for us all.

While we should work quickly on restoring a brother to the body of Christ, we should be very careful about restoring that brother to leadership. When we are forgiven by Christ, we are forgiven fully. But we should see leadership in the church as the high calling and privilege it is.

And I think it”s healthy for us to remember God does not need us in ministry. He chooses us, but does not need us. The difference between the two is the humility to realize God can and will raise up another leader to replace the fallen.

On Guard

The next thought is obvious, but it obviously isn”t taken to heart by all of us in Christian leadership. We should guard what we put in our minds.

My pastor of 23 years talked about being careful of what comes into the eye “gate.” If we see it once, we can see it over and over again in our mind”s eye. I know it”s true.

That”s why pornography is so dangerous. That provocative photo you see for five seconds can live on for years in your imagination. And it doesn”t even have to be pornography. The movies we see and the conversations we have, even in Christian leadership circles, can be embarrassing.

Ephesians 5:12 warns us against even talking about what the wicked do in secret. And I know why. Years ago a church member was confessing his private sexual sin and I had not even heard of what he was telling me about. But the conversation did not end with that hour in my office””it lived on in my mind for a month.

This logically leads to the practical advice of accountability. We need to hold each other accountable for what we do, watch, and talk about. We must find one or two other brothers in whom we can confide and be transparent. We must. It doesn”t mean we have to talk about every single detail of inappropriate thinking we have during a week. It should mean we are praying for each other in the areas where we may be vulnerable to temptation.

When I heard Bob Russell mention a tempting encounter from decades ago, and David Erickson describe his temptation to go into an adult bookstore, I was deeply changed. Their transparency strengthened my resolve to be honest with a close brother and to pray for one another so we wouldn”t become sermon illustrations in the future. (By the way, both Bob and David resisted their temptations!)

And, of course, we should heed those seemingly old-fashioned guidelines of not meeting in private with a person of the opposite sex who is not our spouse without a door being open or another staff person being outside the door. We should be careful about traveling out of town alone and staying alone in hotels with movie channels. The cost for another plane ticket for a traveling accountability partner may be much cheaper than a night of temptation that leads to losing your family.

Glorify God

But I suppose this closing encouragement is my greatest motivator to avoid the temptation of sexual immorality. My motive for pure living should be to glorify God and to demonstrate the relationship of Christ and his bride, the church. Ephesians 5:22-25 instructs that the wife should submit to her husband as if submitting to the Lord, and the husband should love his wife as Christ loved the church. This is clear””not simple””but clear.

When husbands and wives determine together to treat each other as God wants Christ and his bride to treat each other, then our world will see the greatest relationship known. Since Christ always tells the truth to his church, and will always remain faithful to her, I should do the same with my wife””always be truthful and faithful. I do this to honor God, and in doing so, I honor my wife. My motive is to glorify God and my resulting reward is a great marriage. The more energy and time I spend on a faithful marriage leaves me less time to be available for Satan”s deadly schemes.

Can Ted Haggard, my friend, my colleague, and my family member recover from infidelity? Absolutely””because of the grace and mercy of our Christ. But my prayer is that the rest of us learn total dependency on Christ so the glory of God is seen in our marriages and in our leadership.

 

 

Greg Allen is worship leader with Southeast Christian Church, Louisville, Kentucky.