Godly Counsel in Church Leadership
Terry O’Casey reflects on the influence elders’ wives can have—both negatively and positively—on church leadership. He contrasts controlling influence with the wise, prayerful counsel of godly women who help elders lead with discernment and faithfulness.
- Church leaders should recognize when outside influence undermines honest eldership discussion.
- Godly wives can serve as honored counselors whose wisdom reflects God’s heart.
- Healthy church leadership benefits from prayerful, faithful counsel rooted in Scripture.
By Terry O’Casey
I can still picture the elder and his wife playing “footsie” beneath the folding fellowship hall tables at a board meeting at one of my first churches. It was in the days when the 18 deacons could outvote the six elders. Voting for some was by “secret” ballot, in the form of a swift kick. Seriously!
The elders had just finished sharing a unified vision with the rest of those at the meeting. Then I saw it, plain as day, beneath the cheap tablecloth. She kicked her husband . . . hard—so hard he had to change horses in the middle of the stream. Suddenly he began to disagree with the other elders.
She sat back and smiled. I could almost read her mind: Ah the joy of being the real chairman and not even congregationally confirmed.
Losing Himself
From that day on I began to listen carefully to see if I could hear voices . . . but avoid head or shin injuries. From that meeting on, when my friend the elder spoke, I always heard his wife. Somewhere deep within, the man retreated, gave up, hoisted the white flag, and lost himself.
We switched the time of the elders meeting to an hour before the general meeting. I thought this might help my friend speak his mind—and not hers.
I still heard voices though. I watched my friend the elder tremble when he couldn’t get his (her) way. He was not afraid of preventing consensus or hurting the feelings of the other elders. No, he dreaded going home and catching his wife’s incensed wrath when things didn’t go her way.
Echoes from God
I got to thinking: Sometimes it’s good to hear voices, echoes behind the man. God created isha, or woman, to be man’s ezer, or helper (Genesis 2:18). Helper is not a synonym for Santa’s rubber-stamping little elves. Rather, ezer is a name used for God himself. Moses named one of his sons Eliezer—God is my helper. Helper becomes a title of an honored counselor.
I have heard voices at many an elders’ meeting of those honored counselors, godly wives. Let’s not be naïve. Most elders talk when they get home. These elders don’t gossip when they privately share a concern with their wives, because their spouses are not gossips. These godly counselors don’t prey, they pray.
Proverbs 31:26 describes an incredible honored counselor (aka, a godly wife). She speaks with hokmah, “wisdom” in English. What a word.
When Moses needed skilled workers for building the tabernacle, he looked for workers with hokmah, artisans gifted by God (Exodus 36:1). The woman with hokmah builds beautiful dwellings for God with her words. I appreciate hearing voices like that! Proverbs 31:26 goes on. “Faithful instruction is on the tip of her tongue.” What a phrase, torah hesed, translated “faithful instruction” in this verse. She knows God’s word and—this is huge—she knows God’s heart.
Torah is not merely the first five books of the Bible, but holy instruction. Hesed? What a word again! Faithful, yes, but faithful with lovingkindness. When Jonah wanted God to destroy the Ninevites, he complained about God, to God, for being slow to anger and abounding in hesed (love; Jonah 4:2).
Pulpit committees used to choose their ministers by whether their wives could play the piano and lead VBS. That’s not a good idea!
I do believe, however, that when elders are chosen one should listen for voices, echoes of God richly flowing through godly women who are wonderful counselors to godly men who lead the church family.
Aquila and Priscilla make a much better team than Ananias and Sapphira.
Terry O’Casey ministers with High Lakes Christian Church, La Pine, Oregon.
