Solitude and Silence with God for a Rested Soul
Solitude and silence with God can create space for spiritual rest, clarity, and deeper intimacy with him. Kelly Kastens reflects on how ministry busyness depleted her soul and how these spiritual disciplines helped her slow down, listen, and rediscover the presence of God.
- Serving God can become spiritually draining when activity replaces intimacy with him.
- Solitude and silence help create space to hear God without the constant noise of life and ministry.
- These disciplines can expose fear, misplaced identity, and inner unrest while leading believers toward deeper dependence on God.
By Kelly Kastens
In the fall of 2004 we moved into a long-awaited, brand-new worship center. It was an awesome time in the life of our church. And, for a while, it was an awesome time in my life. As worship programming director, I was insanely busy, but it was fun and it felt like we were doing something that mattered. God was showing up every week and new people were showing up every week and life change was happening.
While all these good things were going on, I was getting busier and busier. There was always more to do, and just keeping up with the details to get ready for the weekend, planning services that were worshipful and inspiring and relevant, and then making sure it all happened took more hours and energy than I seemed to have available.
I was also working hard at being a good minister’s wife and mother and all the other stuff of life. And by the fall of 2005 I felt numb inside. I realized while I was spending a huge portion of my life helping other people encounter Christ, my own real encounters with Christ were not happening at all. I was tired, and my soul was depleted. I was doing the work of God at such a pace that it nearly eliminated the work of God in my own life.
Anyone can fall into that trap, mistaking serving God—volunteering at church or in the community or even going on a mission trip—for the intimate relationship God wants to have with us.
I was praying and I was reading, even studying my Bible, but somewhere along the way it stopped reaching my soul.
There was growing angst in me about the state of my life, but I had a hard time identifying what was wrong. There was no major crisis in my life, no major sin I could see that needed to be dealt with. But in the midst of my really important outward busyness there was an inward unsettledness, a disturbing chaos in my soul.
And a question began to haunt me. I started to wonder . . . is this all there is? Is this the abundant life God has for me? Because if it is, I’m not sure I want it. If it leaves me feeling this empty, this dry, this cold . . . is this how I want to invest my life?
Paths to Intimacy
So I set out on a journey to get back to great intimacy with the lover of my soul. This was my first real introduction to the spiritual disciplines of solitude and silence. These are two different disciplines, really, but for me they are so intertwined I can’t help but talk about them together. These are proven but infrequently traveled paths to intimacy with the Creator that you may find useful too.
Solitude is simply intentionally pulling away from others in order to be alone with God. The discipline of solitude provides a place of rest when we find ourselves weary in body, mind, and soul. Solitude is not an effort to flee from the world, it’s an attempt to run toward God, to hear God’s voice. In solitude you know yourself better, you know God better, and you know your purpose better.
There’s nothing magical about solitude that makes God suddenly appear. God is everywhere all the time. It’s just that most of us are so busy with everything else that we don’t notice. But by practicing the discipline of solitude, we create space in our lives where God can be with us.
Silence is the practice of freedom from the addiction to noise and words. Silence provides freedom from speaking as well as from listening—to words, music, or even reading.
I believe it’s important, for a time, to allow for prayer that is without words. Romans 8:26 says, “The Spirit himself intercedes for us.” So much of my prayer life is full of my words, just talking at God, that there’s no room for the Holy Spirit to work in my prayer life.
Solitude and silence allow us to open ourselves up to God in ways that are free from distraction. The world’s noise has a way of deafening our souls and numbing our hearts.
Obstacles Along the Way
Technology is one of the biggest hurdles to overcome. Cell phones, iPods, Facebook, and Twitter are great ministry tools but can be the very things that rob us of the soul rest we so desperately need. Are you tempted to check Facebook or e-mail first thing in the morning and last thing at night? Stop it! When you get in the car, don’t turn on music or make a call. Sometimes even good noise—like worship music or good conversation—can be a distraction from what your soul needs to say to God or what God wants to say to you.
Another obstacle is our need to be productive. We need to accomplish something. Even Bible study and prayer—which are really important disciplines—tend to feel a little more productive than solitude and silence. At least you’re doing something, right?
God wants to be with you. In Psalm 27:8 God says, “‘Come and talk with me.’ And my heart responds, ‘Lord, I am coming’” (New Living Translation). God wants to BE with us. But most of us aren’t very good at just being. The truth is, sometimes we aren’t sure who we are if we’re not doing something. We feel important when we’re busy. We find our worth in being busy. But in the still silence, alone before God, I am reminded God doesn’t need my constant striving. God doesn’t need my production. God simply wants to be with me.
Fear is a huge obstacle to the disciplines of solitude and silence. We fear that God is not enough. We may fear God won’t reveal anything at all. Or he may reveal something we can’t handle. Or what if God doesn’t even show up? Fear is paralyzing, but 1 John 4:18 tells us “perfect love drives out fear.” Solitude is the place to let the perfect love of God heal our crippling fear.
Picture a lake on a still, sunny day. Its mirror-like surface reflects the sun, clouds, trees, and maybe even your face. If you look closely you might be able to see all the way to the bottom. Rocks and pebbles. You might even see a fish swim by.
But if someone throws a rock or a child jumps in, it all changes. There are ripples and splashes on the surface and the water under the surface fills with air bubbles and clouds with mud.
Our lives are a lot like that. When things are calm you can see what’s going on under the surface and detect the slightest movement. Unfortunately few of us have lives that are like a still, serene lake. Every activity, ministry, and noisily productive day we string together is another stone on the pond’s surface, stirring up our souls. When things are chaotic and busy, everything’s murky.
The spiritual disciplines of solitude and silence are a gift of grace that allow us to be still long enough to let the water of our souls settle again, allowing things to become clear on the surface so we can see what’s going on underneath.
Some Things I’ve Learned Along the Way
God’s love for me really isn’t about me at all . . . it’s not about what I did to earn it, because I know I’m not that good. God loves me because that’s the kind of God he is. He is love. So find time for solitude and rest in your belovedness.
There were things my heart and soul wanted and needed to say to God. But my soul needed rest. Because of the frenetic pace of my life, the person deep inside me never had a chance to speak. I learned all over again that I just love being with God. I love the safety and security of it. I even love the fact that sometimes he points out sin in my life, because he does so in a way that says, “I love you and I want better than this for you.” I love having a place where I’m not being judged or condemned. Solitude is the place where I realize all over again that Scripture is the Word of God, that it’s living and active and so very relevant to my life.
The more I stop to really be in God’s presence, the more I come to full realization there is nothing I love and long for more—not marriage or motherhood, not friendship or ministry, not food or laughter, not sunshine or snow, not music or good conversation, not rich community or making love—than the presence of God in my life. As a matter of fact, this extrovert who loves to be around people is the least lonely when I’m alone with God.
Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly (Matthew 11:28-30, The Message).
There is a place of quiet rest. Near to the heart of God.
Kelly Kastens serves as director of programming in the worship arts ministry at Mountain Christian Church in Joppa, Maryland.
