Catholicism . . . It”s a Family Thing

by Toney Salva

When I was ordained into ministry, my nonpracticing Roman Catholic father attempted to communicate to his side of the family what I was going to do with my life. He told them I was going to be a priest! That was the best he could do. It was the only word he could find to describe my career choice. Imagine my family”s surprise when I sent out wedding announcements . . . then birth announcements.

My father”s struggle to communicate with his Catholic family about my ordination in the Christian church is not that different from the experience most former Catholics have attempting to navigate the family obstacles of becoming members of Christian churches. Misunderstanding and even deep resentment are often the reaction of their family members.

You see, for many former Roman Catholics, leaving the Catholic church is like turning your back on your family. Catholicism isn”t merely a denominational choice, it is an identity. Being Catholic is like being Italian or Hispanic . . . you just are.

I have been in ministry for more than 16 years, 10 of them in the Northeast, so I could tell you story after story about men and women whose families literally turned their backs on them when they chose to follow Jesus in a nondenominational church.

“You are ruining our family!” “You know you are going to go to Hell.” “I feel like I have failed as a mother!” “You are joining a cult.” “Your first baptism is all you need.” “Who will baptize your baby when she is born?” The issues are deep-seated and won”t be solved quickly or easily.

So what can we do to help those from a Catholic background who visit our churches or live in our neighborhoods? How can we help them bridge that gap? Here are a few tips.

Don”t Catholic Bash

You will not find any anti-Catholic rhetoric at Discovery Christian Church, where I serve. We may disagree in many areas of theology, and some of the areas are major, but many Catholics have a deep and abiding faith and love for Jesus. Their faith is real and their lives show proof of that faith. Many Catholics profess Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and follow him in obedience.

We do no good by bashing the Catholic church. Even when former Catholics begin to share negative feelings toward the church, as many of them do, we should try to steer the conversation to Jesus. We should be known more for what we are for than what we are against.

Teach the Bible

Nothing is more attractive to someone from a Catholic background than learning what the Bible has to say. That is one of the key reasons many leave the Catholic church; they are not encouraged or taught how to read Scripture for themselves.

Spending time in Scripture gives former Catholics an opportunity to learn for themselves what the Bible says concerning key theologies: Communion, baptism, Heaven, purgatory, etc. For the first time, many will discover they can decide what they believe for themselves rather than being told what to believe.

Provide for Their Children

The importance of knowledge about spiritual things is not just reserved for adults. Catholics are known for their deep desire to teach their kids the basics of the faith. Catholic children all over the world go to CCD (Confraternity of Christian Doctrine) or catechism classes, even if their parents are not practicing Catholics. We have discovered teaching their children is the No. 1 reason people from a Catholic background come to Discovery.

To meet this need, we offer quarterly classes for third- through sixth-grade students, teaching them how to become followers of Jesus. Our weekly children”s program is heavy on teaching kids how to live out what they learn in the Bible. We also offer a big summer outreach program, called KidQuest, in the local park for children in the community. This is a big draw for families with a Catholic background.

Catholics also have a need to replace the ceremony of infant baptism they are leaving behind. Most quickly understand what Scripture says about baptism, but there remains a family need for some sort of ceremony after a child is born.

At Discovery we have an emphasis on child dedication. We follow the Old Testament precedent and give parents the opportunity to dedicate their child and promise to raise them to know Jesus Christ for themselves. Family members will join them for the occasion. When I worked in the Boston area, we even experienced some parents dressing their babies in christening gowns and having godparents stand up with them.

Be Authentic and Humble

Another way to help our friends and former Catholics connect with Jesus through our lives and churches is to be humble and authentic as ministers. A comment we receive at Discovery from time to time is how helpful it is when ministers refer to our own struggles from the platform.

Many former Catholics cite the arrogance of the Catholic church as a main reason for leaving. Many view priests as infallible, and when they hear me or other ministers on staff share our experiences, it helps them feel like we can relate to them. For former Catholics, that is a new thought.

I also think it is important in this day and age to apologize for the mistakes the church has made through the years and to remind people the church is not perfect. This is a refreshing and welcomed change because so many Catholics feel the church has kept things from them.

Lastly, Be Patient

I have developed a core value over the years of allowing people to journey at their own pace. I think this should be extended to anyone searching for answers about God, but especially Catholics. Several people regularly attend Mass on Saturday night and Discovery on Sunday morning. I”m OK with that.

Just before we started Discovery about six years ago, my wife held a Bible study with five women; all were Catholic. Four years later, three of the women were baptized and had become active members of our new church. It didn”t happen overnight.

Our neighbors began sending their children to KidQuest five summers ago and didn”t start attending church at Discovery until this last year. They haven”t missed a Sunday in 10 months and have dedicated their infant son and joined my small group.

It may be difficult for former Catholics to walk away from the church of their family, but I have found that the ones who have are incredibly loyal and faithful.

 

 

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Toney Salva comes from a Roman Catholic family and has been in vocational ministry for just over 16 years, 10 of them in Massachusetts and Pennsylvania. Toney serves as lead pastor with Discovery Christian Church in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.