Welcoming the Newcomers

By Melissa Brandes

Too late we realized our failure. Communion was being served, and we hadn”t adequately prepped our unchurched, international guests. The Communion plate came around, and our guests stared at the two circles of unleavened bread. Bewildered, but trying to honor us the best they could, they picked up the circles and took a big bite, as if they were eating a sandwich.

My mother and I and those in the pew behind us looked on in shock. Our guests, aware that something was wrong but not sure what, looked around, uncomfortable and embarrassed. We motioned for them to pass the plate with its half-eaten Communion to the next person. Thankfully, the Communion cups were a bit more intuitive. But our guests were humiliated, we were mortified, and the other church folk were trying hard not to notice.

Not knowing the protocol at a church is not unique to an international or unchurched guest. I decided to go on a journey of my own to see what it was like to attend a new congregation.

I had the advantage of being a fellow believer in Christ, as well as one who has traveled to scores of churches around the world. But I went to churches where I didn”t know anybody who would introduce me or show me around. What I discovered was this: In more cases than not, I felt completely like our friends””lost, uncomfortable, and not sure how church “worked.”

 

Uncomfortable Experiences

The first church I attended was one I had seen along the road. The mere attempt to attend the church was a challenge. As I drove by, I caught the name of the church and thought it would be easy to use the Internet to check its service times or get a phone number. But there was no website, and I could find no phone number. So I got in my car and drove back to the church, which listed its services times on the marquee.

Sunday came, and I walked in the door and immediately was confused about where to go. I was in a foyer with hallways that led left and right. After a few brief moments, someone came along and pointed me in the right direction. So I sat down in a pew and waited for the service.

I was clearly a newcomer in this small congregation, but I felt almost like a burden, like the others in the church didn”t know quite what to do with me. Do they come greet me? Do they stay away? Am I a Christian? Am I an unbeliever? To their credit, one woman turned around and said hello and then turned to talk to others after five seconds of conversation. No real conversation, just the obligatory politeness. The preaching was great and the genuine love for the Lord was palpable, but I left the church not really having made much human contact.

Then came the church that was “prepared.” It had its little baggie ready for the newcomer. It contained a small New Testament, a calendar, the church schedule, and a pen. I walked into the building and sat down. As the song service began, from behind my back an arm reached above me and thrust the baggie into my lap. I was actually quite startled and turned around to see whom the arm belonged to, but the woman was already leaving.

The only other thing I remember about that service was that the aging minister was clearly a battle-hardened, yet ready soldier who would preach the love of Jesus until his dying breath. But I couldn”t come to grips with the impersonal feel of the church: All I had encountered was an arm! I didn”t plan to return, and I was sure that an unchurched person would feel the same way.

 

Possible Potential

After having several more uncomfortable experiences, church No. 6 finally seemed to have potential. Oh, it had a few mishaps. When I pulled in the only thing obvious was the Pastor Only parking space. It took several minutes for me to realize the parking for the rest of us was out back behind the building. But my confusion was overshadowed by a warm welcome by the greeter.

I enjoyed the worship, and the message. The minister greeted me on the way out, but had only three or four seconds before the next person leaving wanted to talk. But then I remembered the church had invited the congregation to pizza afterwards at a local restaurant. It felt awkward, but I decided to join them.

When I entered the restaurant, it was obvious where the church folk were, so I sat down with them. The woman beside me asked me a few questions, and I told her I had labored for the gospel all over the world. That”s nice. Then on to the people she knew. 

I tried several more times to initiate conversation, and the people were polite, but they were more interested in the friends they hadn”t seen in the last week. I just couldn”t break into the circle of conversation. The people of the church clearly enjoyed each other, but I was on the outside. I was glad I went, but I was even happier to leave.

I could go on about the church that had an indecipherable Communion time where I had no idea how to participate. I could tell about the time I sat in a pew, only to have an elder tell the congregation during the offering meditation how he was having a bad day, partly because someone (who I discovered was me) was sitting in his regular spot. Or how during one church greeting time, with people to my left, right, front, and back, not a single person said hello or shook my hand.

But the main lesson I learned by attending these various churches is something very close to the heart of Jesus: the importance of hospitality. When I show hospitality in my home, I naturally try to make my guests feel comfortable. I tell them where they can put their coat and where the bathroom is located. I explain how the meal will be served and tell them where to put the potato salad they brought. I want to put my guests at ease so we can enjoy each other. This kind of hospitality is no less important in the church.

 

What I Learned

Here are some things I learned that can help us facilitate a warm welcome:

Assign someone to newcomer hospitality. Many large churches have an organized tea and cookie time after services, where newcomers can talk to an assigned person to obtain more information. This is especially needed in the larger churches where newcomers can come and go unnoticed.

But the bulk of churches in America average approximately 200. Newcomers usually come in the single digits. It”s very important for these congregations to have someone the greeter can transfer them to in order to show them around, point out the bathrooms, sit near them, and let them know how things flow. It is especially important to provide guidance and expectations with regard to Communion and offering.

Express genuine interest. Showing interest in a visitor requires members to spend a little bit of time””not too little””speaking to him or her. Jesus taught that the place where this happens most naturally is around a table. Perhaps the church could offer to pay for the meal of any first-time guest who is taken out for lunch or dinner by a member of the congregation.

Have contact information available. Surprisingly, one of the biggest challenges I faced was finding a church”s service times. Churches that didn”t have websites often had a telephone answering machine that said “hello” and “please leave a message,” but did not mention service times. Even with some of the larger churches I had to drive by the building to find out when they met for worship. At the very minimum there needs to be a sign in front of the building, an answering machine that mentions service times and a contact phone number, and preferably a website.

Encourage your people to go. I know of one church that encouraged some members to visit other churches and experience how they welcomed or didn”t welcome newcomers. This wasn”t about church bashing, but discovery.

One couple came back and reported, “It was one of the most terrible experiences we have ever had.” I can assure you this couple now bends over backwards to make sure first-time guests feel welcome at their congregation.

Nothing can replace the power of friends hosting their invited guests when they visit the first time. But if someone has just moved to the city and doesn”t know anybody yet, a church that has planned for visitors and makes every effort to communicate with guests and show hospitality will have the inside track to becoming their new church home.

 

Melissa Brandes has served as a missionary in more than 25 countries and now serves as director of outreach at a church in the Midwest.