Weekly Offerings Increase after Pastor Threatens Dramatic Interpretation of Leviticus Unless All Members Tithe
Weekly Offerings Increase after Pastor Threatens Dramatic Interpretation of Leviticus Unless All Members Tithe

By Caleb Kaltenbach

LAWSON, OK—“It worked,” said Gene Moody, pastor of Diamond River Christian Church. “The approach took a little refining, but we got there.”

After two weeks of preaching on generosity, the weekly offerings of Diamond River Christian Church still hadn’t changed. Members seemed unwilling to increase their giving.

“I had enough,” Moody said. “So, last Sunday, I announced that unless they started giving more to the church, I would begin a verse-by-verse dramatic interpretation of Leviticus!”

Several church members gasped when Moody announced this.

“My husband and I were frantic,” reported Beth Gilmore, longtime member of Diamond River. I whispered, “Herb, we ain’t gonna make it to Hawaii this year. Get out the checkbook and stop this travesty from occurring.”

“I immediately grabbed my cell phone and started texting as much money as I could,” said member Ed Filtter. “All I kept thinking was, We can’t let him do this. I mean, have you read some of those chapters in Leviticus? Wow!”

From the stage that morning, Moody said the sights and sounds were amazing.

“People were furiously grabbing for their cell phones, opening checkbooks, ripping out checks, dropping them in the offering buckets, and spurring on one another to give more. It was like the early church. Everyone pitched in.”

“I’m just nervous about next week,” said Beth Gilmore. “Rumor has it that he’s got four horses, seven seals, and some trumpets for a dramatic interpretation of Revelation.”

Caleb Kaltenbach is just kidding.

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