Freshmen Shocked: Bible College Nothing Like CIY

By Caleb Kaltenbach

JOPLIN, MO—Record numbers of incoming freshmen are dismayed that Bible college isn’t another Christ in Youth experience.

“There’s no morning encounter speaker at Hope International University,” reported Charlie Bowdrey. “I listen to my church history professor every morning, but he doesn’t help me encounter anything other than this angry dude named Martin Luther.”

Bowdrey wasn’t the only surprised student this year. For Manhattan Christian College freshman Jessica West, the disappointment started almost immediately.

“When I got to my dorm, I was ready to go to the evening session and stay up late, but the other students were reading books called commentaries,” she said. “And there was no evening session!”

West was also surprised to learn she had four classes before lunch, two classes in the evening, and no nightly small group to attend.

“We never had homework at any summer conference I attended!”

“We’ve never claimed to be a Bible college,” stated Andy Hansen, executive director of Christ in Youth. “We help churches impact students for Christ. I’m not sure why there’s confusion.”

But that hasn’t stopped students from continuing to wonder why college isn’t like a summer conference.

“I don’t remember CIY having an early morning Greek class,” complained Ryan Foster of Ozark Christian College. “The worship band never handed out verb charts for us to memorize.”

After his first week, a Boise Bible College student complained, “No one graded us at the Move conference I attended. And we don’t have lights and a smoke machine during chapel.”

Caleb Kaltenbach is just kidding.