Niche Churches Are Popping Up All Over
Niche Churches Are Popping Up All Over

Niche churches are starting up across the country to satisfy the needs of worshippers who aren’t happy in a traditional setting. Here are some of the more interesting variants we’ve recently heard about:

Mighty Oak Christian Fellowship: This service-oriented church focuses on raking and removing leaves for elderly homeowners every fall and delivering garden compost in the spring. It’s a God-centered “circle-of-life” church. The “Big Three” evangelistic outreaches—Christmas, Easter, and Arbor Day.

Second Amendment Church of Christ: Don’t miss the weekly potluck dinner (“bring a critter to share”) and midweek target practice.

Supreme Bean Christian Church: There are 23.2 baristas per 100 in average weekly worship attendance (highest among our churches, according to Kent Fillinger).

Man’s Best Friend Christian Community: Dogs are welcome (of course). There is concern the church teaches a form of universalism; its website, under BELIEFS, states, “All dogs go to Heaven.”

King James Church of Christ: One Lord, one faith, one baptism, one church, one book, one translation.

“Crying in the Chapel” Fellowship: A Las Vegas church featuring Elvis impersonators who lead a weekly song service of some of the King’s best gospel numbers. (Late word: After meeting for just five weeks, breakaway Elvis impersonators started “Take My Hand, Precious Lord” Church, believing it to be more seeker-sensitive.)

Handyman Church of Christ: Nearly every member serves on the House Committee. (This church is surprisingly popular with single mothers and widows.)

Family Tree Christian Church: If you’re not a member of the Smith family, you should stay away.

Answers in Acts Church of Christ: If it’s not in Acts, you’re asking the wrong question.

“Madam, I’m Adam” Fellowship: This church sought to attract those appreciative of sophisticated wordplay but has since become popular with singles.

Time Will Tell Christian Church: This laid-back gathering lays out its beliefs but refrains from arguing. Members promise never to say “I told you so” in this life or the next.

Devil Take the Hindmost Fellowship: A church for people who enjoy running on Sunday mornings. A short devotional is offered before each run. On the monthly “devil” runs, the last-place person is eliminated (“ensnared by the devil”) after every lap around the church property. Church slogan: “Be Fast; Don’t Be Last.”

Craft Beer Church: Meets only on Friday and Saturday nights (but most members come to both). Is considering adding a Thursday-night service.

C&E Christian Church: This twice-yearly gathering (“Christmas & Easter”) caters to three groups: nominal Christians, people who fear commitment, and folks who suffer from ecclesiophobia.

 

Christian Standard is just kidding.

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