Up Against the Wall
Up Against the Wall

From After Class Podcast

Renovations to First Messianic Church’s building are underway. It was only a matter of time until the faithful followers at FMC took the Restoration plea to a whole new level by seeking to restore the ancient order of the Old Testament, as well. Since Jesus wouldn’t leave out a jot or tittle, neither would they.

It began one Saturday afternoon while these retro-Israelites were studying 1 Samuel 25 in their KJV-Hebrew Interlinear Bibles.

As the story goes, future King David fumed after being snubbed by Nabal. David vowed to avenge himself against every member of Nabal’s household who “pisseth against the wall.” As vulgar as it was to their 21st-century sensibilities, they could not deny the literal translation of verse 22, and the implications hung around their necks like a millstone.

The next step was obvious. The church-synagogue hybrid quickly sprang into action.

First, the men’s restrooms were padlocked and porta potties were set up in the parking lot . . . outside of “camp.”

Next, FMC launched a much-needed fund-raising campaign. Tithes poured in at an unprecedented rate, evidence of members’ intense fervor to live out the literal meaning of the Bible. These faithful believers quickly raised every shekel needed to complete the job.

Work began on the first day of the week and was completed well before Sabbath. Standard sit-down toilets replaced every wall-mounted urinal. No male in First Messianic Church—young or old—would be caught urinating against a wall.

“Yeshua will be pleased,” explained the rabbinic minister. “We are privileged to honor him by honoring David, his greatest messianic forebear.”

“I’m not sure I completely get it,” confessed one anonymous elder. “But ignoring a literal reading of any passage can lead to a slippery slope. So, I’m really glad we did this.”

“It’s fine for churchagogue, I suppose,” added another man. “I’m just not sure what to do at ball games. Traditional stalls are hard to come by there, and they are terribly unclean.”

The After Class Podcast guys are Bible and theology professors at Great Lakes Christian College; from left to right in the logo, they are Samuel C. Long, Ronald D. Peters, and John C. Nugent. They strive to engage provocative contemporary topics with wit and careful biblical scholarship.

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