Practice These Three Crucial Habits to Live at Peace with Everyone and to Be an Example for Our Communities and Nation to Follow
Never before has peacekeeping in the church been so difficult!
This past summer in the middle of the COVID-19 crisis, I received two emails from people who were upset at how we were handling the situation. The first said she was leaving the church because we weren’t properly social distancing (although we thought we were) and we weren’t making people wear masks. The second said she was leaving the church because we were listening to the liberal media and refusing to loosen restrictions on social distancing.
Our church members have not only been polarized about masks, riots, and the 2020 election, they’ve also been more judgmental than I’ve ever seen them. I believe it’s a product of the world’s influence.
The world preaches tolerance but practices judgmentalism and divisiveness. Observe the tone of tweets and social media posts, or listen as newsroom commentators debate one another. Seldom are disagreements debated civilly, and never do you hear even the slightest decorum or respect given to the opposition.
We show zero respect for the humanity of others when we behave as if they’re not fit to live because they disagree with us. It’s the kind of hatred Jesus condemned in the Sermon on the Mount as being equal with murder. This horrendous worldly habit has often infiltrated the church.
How do we exemplify peace in such a nasty environment? I’d like to suggest three important leadership habits that will help foster an atmosphere of peace in your church. Hopefully, our example of peacekeeping will spill over into our communities and our nation.
CLARIFY YOUR POSITION
The Bible says, “If the trumpet does not sound a clear call, who will get ready for battle?” (1 Corinthians 14:8). We mistakenly think if we’re just a little vague, then we won’t offend anyone and both sides will be happy. Instead, nobody’s happy in such circumstances. We forget that people are like sheep. Most people in your flock are not entrenched on a side but are looking for leadership. Without a leader giving clear direction, they will bicker and fight.
Though it’s counterintuitive, you will take giant steps toward peace in your church when people know exactly where leadership stands. That’s true even if your stance is not to take a stance.
In a recent sermon on 2 Thessalonians 2, I clarified my personal position on Bible prophecy. (I consider myself a historic premillennialist—today. I might change my mind tomorrow.) Later in the sermon, one of my points of application was, “Don’t be dogmatic.” I said, “This is very important: New Day does not take an official position on Bible prophecy. You can disagree with my position and still be an elder or teacher here.” People loved the clarity, and it helped to stave off potential divisiveness. It brought peace. (It helped that I joked that even my dad and I disagree about the timing of the rapture; he’s not wrong very often but nobody’s perfect!)
Some other issues are tougher, but our flock needs to know where the church stands on abortion, homosexuality, racial relations, politics, Marxism, the age of the earth, women’s role in the church, baptism, and so on. When we as church leaders take a stand on a clear biblical principle, we should take that stand boldly; if we don’t take a stand, we must make sure people understand why. Our movement has always borrowed the old slogan, “In doctrine, unity; in opinion, liberty; in all things, charity.”
Don’t succumb to the popular notion that preachers shouldn’t wade into such things or they will divide the church and drive the unchurched away. Vagueness will divide the church, and the world will lose respect for you—if they had any to begin with. Your core church members will respect you and rally around you for having the boldness to speak the truth in love. Outsiders will be drawn to someone who knows what they believe and isn’t cowardly. (By the way, I’ve especially witnessed this among young dads in the community. Young men are drawn to courageous leaders even when they disagree with them.)
BUILD TRUST
The Bible says, “Love always trusts” (1 Corinthians 13:6-7). The inability to trust one another has divided our nation. We don’t trust the heart or motives of those leading the other side. Maybe with good reason! But as long as we can’t trust each other, the divisiveness will continue. Such mistrust shouldn’t characterize the church.
Leading with trust will help to unite your church. Not long ago our staff and elders read The Speed of Trust by Stephen M. R. Covey. It’s sad it took a secular book to help me understand this biblical principle, but it was extremely helpful to me. The title conveys the book’s concept. Your organization will fly with lightning speed if you know how to do two things: extend trust and be a trustworthy person. Without trust, your organization (or your nation) will be characterized by mistrust, fear, and conflict. Extending trust and being trustworthy will lead to peaceful relationships and a peaceful church.
If your church is characterized by unrest and tension instead of peace, try focusing on this issue of trust.
Start by assessing yourself as the leader. Are you extending trust and being trustworthy? Do you say to your staff and elders, “I trust you”? Do they believe you trust them? Are you committed to being someone they can trust—someone who tells the truth, shows up on time, has their back, gets the job done, and genuinely cares about them?
Next, evaluate your staff and elders. Is there someone who has proven not to be trustworthy? They’ve got to repent or be let go. Shortly after I graduated from Bible college several decades ago, I read two books that had recently been published about difficult people in the church. The first book, Well-Intentioned Dragons, described people who meant well but unintentionally sucked the life out of you. They needed to be shepherded in the right direction. The second book, Antagonists in the Church, described troubled people who were determined to undermine everything you do.
A true antagonist, the second book explained, is concerned only about power, and so their motives can never be trusted. Such an untrustworthy person must be removed from power or they will divide the church. I encountered such an antagonist in my first church. Unfortunately, the board wasn’t strong enough to recognize and remove him. After two years, I decided to leave the church before the unrest broke me or caused a church split.
In the flesh, we want to keep the peace so badly that we appease the antagonist. But that creates a false and temporary peace. An untrustworthy person cannot be in power or your church will never have true peace. True peace requires mutual trust, so do your part to foster an atmosphere of trust in your congregation.
LOVE THE OPPOSITION
One other important principle for a peaceful church is that leaders must love those who oppose them. Even the antagonist has to be loved. Jesus said, “Love your enemies.” You may need to remove them from leadership, but you don’t stop loving them. Stories have surfaced lately about megachurch pastors who couldn’t control their temper. They lost the respect of those around them and eventually lost their jobs. Self-control certainly has been part of the problem, but deep down these men didn’t love those who opposed them.
A simple test of character is whether you can love those who disagree with you. An insecure leader thinks of others as disloyal simply for disagreeing with them. Great leaders surround themselves with people who aren’t afraid to disagree; in fact, they will search out disagreement just to test the strength of their position.
One of our deacons, Roger, modeled this well for me when COVID-19 hit. From the beginning, my gut told me the seriousness of the virus was being exaggerated and I didn’t want to shut down the church. But I heard through the grapevine that Roger believed it was more serious. I forced myself to call him and listen to his opinion. To be honest, it was fairly easy to call him because I trust him. Trust, as I mentioned, brings peace. Roger is an incredible man—a retired surgeon with a strong understanding of Scripture and a pastoral heart. And it helped that I knew he was politically conservative. He told me he thought this could be a serious virus and that it would soon dissipate, but for a time we should take it seriously. That helped me have a more balanced perspective. I didn’t come all the way to his side on every concern, but he and I had some great conversations, and I appreciated his polite demeanor when we disagreed.
It’s possible to disagree and remain friends, even when the situation is very serious and opinions are strong. Roger modeled what it means to love someone who holds a different opinion. He didn’t get mad, scream and yell, or threaten to leave the church if we didn’t follow his advice. I gained so much respect for him! And frankly, his peaceful demeanor had an added benefit: It allowed him the flexibility to adapt and change his recommendations without losing face as more information came in. From the beginning, he was right about how the virus spreads and how serious it can be, especially for those with comorbidity factors. His perspective kept us centered and helped us make some great decisions. But more importantly, he modeled what it means to love the opposition.
The Bible says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). As leaders, we’re called to model peacekeeping in the church. But let’s not cave into a false peace. Real, lasting peace requires a clear explanation of the truth, a genuine extension of trust, and a courageous effort to love those who disagree. Remember Jesus’ words, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (John 14:27).
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