By Ryan Rasmussen
You might be surprised that the name Judas means โlet God be praised.โ
I find it incredibly ironic that the man who betrayed Jesus would carry a name of such reverence. Sometimes, though, things arenโt what they seem.
For example, the fact that Judas Iscariot was a disciple at all must have baffled those who spent time with Jesus. While Jesus welcomed misfits and the marginalized into his friend group, Judas must have seemed โnext levelโ in this regard. The Gospels documented that Judas, the bandโs treasurer, would regularly skim money from the groupโs funds (John 12:6).
A theology degree isnโt required to recognize a separation, of sorts, between Judas and the other disciples. The Gospel writers always include his name last when listing the Twelve, which seems to imply theyโd rather leave him off the list altogether.
In last Aprilโs Christian Standard, Bob Russell surmised that Judasโs impatience with the pace of Jesusโ ministry ultimately may have led to his downfall.
I think the source of Judasโs betrayal was a gradual corruption of his heart. His catastrophe began with greed, which led to stealing. He perhaps initially just โborrowed from the petty cash.โ Then he rationalized that he deserved some personal reimbursement for extra time spent handling the funds.
Slowly his attitude toward Jesus changed because of his secret sin. Instead of a teachable spirit, Judas became cynical. Instead of enjoying fellowship with the disciples, he became distant. Instead of loving Jesus, he began to resent him.
When Jesus rebuked him for his criticism of Maryโs extravagance, Judas had enough. โThen one of the Twelveโthe one called Judas Iscariotโwent to the chief priests and asked, โWhat are you willing to give me if I deliver him over to you?โโ (Matthew 26:14-15). Judas had become arrogant as well as bitter and decided to lash back.
Maybe Judas assumed Jesus would be a political leader and had finally realized that wasnโt happening. Perhaps Judas wanted to witness Jesusโ power on display, but Jesus mainly exhibited service and humility. Maybe Judas thought he might gain financial prosperity as a disciple but finally recognized Jesus wasnโt interested in that.
Jesus sometimes isnโt who we want him to be.
The Costs of Followingโand ServingโJesus
Years ago, while serving at a church near Boulder, Colorado, I preached a sermon about the cost of following Jesus. I remember feeling pretty good about the message. I looked forward to standing in the lobby after the service to receive attaboys, high-fives, and handshakes to stroke my ego a bit.
But I wasnโt prepared for the middle-aged man who approached me. Without a clue of the socially awkward position he was placing me in, he asked what following Jesus had cost me. I remember others who had gathered around being thrown off by his blunt question. Iโm sure from what he could gather, I sort of had my cake and was eating it, too. I had a home in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains, a beautiful young family, and I worked at a megachurch. To his point, it didnโt seem like following Jesus was costing me much.
I stuttered and tripped over my words as I responded to him. I left the church that day feeling like maybe he had a point.
Fast-forward about 10 years. I wish I could revisit the conversation with that man.
I entered ministry because I wanted to help people. A few student pastors invested in me as a young person and I wanted to pay it forward. That was a long time ago. Things were different then. In retrospect, the times seemed simple.
In the early years of my career, I recall telling people what I did for a living and folks would respond with respect or reverence. It always made me uncomfortable, so Iโd sometimes try to lighten the mood with a mild cussword or something.
Back then pastors were viewed as good people, I think. Yeah, there were some bad apples here and there: TV evangelists and scam artists, Bible thumpers and hellfire preachers. But generally, the local reverend made hospital calls, counseled struggling couples, and took phone calls in the middle of night. Thatโs why I accepted this calling, I wanted to be that guy.
Now, a decade later, when I think of what following Jesus has cost me, my stomach starts to hurt a little.
My family looks different now. I know Jesus didnโt take my marriage from me, but sometimes I wonder how much weight ministry put on that relationship.
Iโve had to let go of staff people I loved like family. Now, Iโm sometimes awkward with people I work with. I struggle with knowing where to draw the line between boss and friend.
I wrestle every day with whom I can trust. Can I be friends with people who go to my church? Can I really let people in? If people really knew meโif they knew my issuesโwould they still let me be their pastor?
Iโve battled bouts of depression, and my greatest fear, other than being alone, is failure. I am terrified of disappointing people.
Ministry is different for meโand, really, for all ministersโthese days. Now Iโm a face. Now I have a platform and I have to have โtakesโ on things politicians say or donโt say. I have to condemn or support people or causes that I sometimes donโt fully understand or that I wrestle with theologically. Now everyone seems to have wedged their Jesus into whatever political preference they walk in. Sometimes I just want to shake people and say, โJesus isnโt who you think he is.โ
I guess it boils down to this: Iโm tired. Iโm tired of having to appease people. Iโm tired of having to be what people want me to be. And I am often convinced there is no more unqualified person in a role like mine than me.
But Iโm still here. And Iโm not going anywhere.
Our Expectations of Jesus
Iโm still here because I believe in Jesus, the power of the local church, and that in the end the things Iโve laid down for the sake of kingdom work will not compare to the fruit that will come from those sacrifices.
The apostle Paul wrote, โYet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us laterโ (Romans 8:18, New Living Translation).
I canโt help but wonder if things would have turned out differently if Judas had been willing to lay down his expectations of Jesus. Thatโs a theological wormhole we donโt have time to explore here.
So letโs ask the more important question: Are there expectations you have of Jesus that are keeping you from knowing or seeing him in his fullness? Are you bitter because he hasnโt given you the life you think you deserve? Has obedience to him cost you in ways that sometimes make your stomach hurt?
Jesus sometimes isnโt who we want him to be.
But . . . whatever it is you want him to be, remember this . . . heโs better. His will for your life is anchored in a profound love for you.
Be patient. Stay the course. Trust Jesus.
Ryan Rasmussen serves as lead pastor with First Christian Church in Canton, Ohio.ย







Hang in there Ryan. There are many โordinary โpeople, who follow Christ and feel the same way.
Many of us pray for Christโs Church and those serving within every day.
Satan is alive and well. My opinion is that Satan hates everyone, including himself.
Christโs Church will prevail.
Thank you for sharing an important thought and and more important answer. Got to do a prayer of comfort for a family today that lost a loveone that not in any church that I know of. But “not giving up on Jesus is a message that I can pray for them that could make a difference in someones life.
Keeping The Faith
Dea. W. Carney
Peterson Capel M. B. Church