Disagreeing Without Being Disagreeable
By David Faust
The Bible says, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Ephesians 4:26), but anger rules the airwaves 24 hours a day. Someone is constantly upset on Fox News and CNN—just for different reasons. Talk shows boost their ratings by provoking controversy, and social media thrives on it. Yet, God’s Word cautions, “Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels” (2 Timothy 2:23).
How can we honor the Lord when conflicts arise? Is it possible to hold firm convictions without destroying relationships? A time-honored slogan says, “In essentials, unity; in opinions, liberty; in all things, love.” Several principles found in Romans 14 can help us put this slogan into practice.
Remember who is the boss. The apostle Paul asks, “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant?” (Romans 14:4). I can’t barge into a GM plant and tell the workers how to make cars, force a restaurant’s chef to change the menu, or march onto the football field and tell the quarterback and wide receiver what plays to run. They don’t report to me. “Each of us will give an account of ourselves to God” (v. 12). The Lord is in charge.
Build others up, don’t trip them up. “Make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister” (v. 13). Is glorifying God and loving others more important to us than our own rights and preferences?
Know when to keep your opinions to yourself. It’s OK to stand up for your convictions. “Do not let what you know is good be spoken of as evil” (v. 16). But that doesn’t mean you should spew your private views all over the internet. We don’t have to join every argument and take sides in every controversy. Sometimes it’s best to keep our mouths shut (and our fingers off the computer keyboard) while we ponder and pray about an issue. “So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God” (v. 22). Alexander Campbell wrote, “But men cannot give up their opinions, and, therefore, they never can unite, says one. We do not ask them to give up their opinions—we ask them only not to impose them upon others. Let them hold their opinions; but let them hold them as private property. The faith is public property; opinions are, and always have been, private property.”
Keep the main thing the main thing. First-century Christians disagreed about eating certain foods and observing special days, but secondary issues like these didn’t need to divide the body of Christ. “For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit” (v. 17).
In Christ we’re free to disagree about matters of opinion, but we’re not free to be uncharitable or to divide the church over minor matters. “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification” (v. 19).
Father God, show us how to speak the truth in love. Grant us courage to stand up for our convictions and wisdom to distinguish biblical essentials from our personal preferences. Teach us to prioritize what matters most. Fill us with the fruit of the Spirit so we can resist the hostility and quarrelsomeness so prevalent in our culture. Help us to conduct ourselves with godliness and respect even when we disagree so we can honor the Prince of Peace in whose name we pray. Amen.
Personal Challenge: Do a media fast. For one week, avoid the news on TV and radio, and don’t read it on your laptop or cell phone. Stay off social media for a week. Ask the Lord to clear your mind and adjust your attitude so you can express your opinions in a way that honors his name.
Author: Christian Standard
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