17 July, 2025

Twentysomething … An Uncertain Age

by | 17 June, 2025 | 1 comment

By Tyler McKenzie

Clinical psychologist, Meg Jay, is considered to be an expert on early adulthood. She wrote a book called The Twentysomething Treatment: A Revolutionary Remedy for an Uncertain Age. The title says it all. The one word she chose to describe twentysomethings today is uncertain. Her research reported:

  • Twentysomethings will have nine different jobs by 35.
  • The majority are struggling financially.
  • The twenties are the loneliest time of life; 50% have no close friends and 50% are single.
  • Twentysomething brains are more likely to think catastrophically than older adults, and they have less experience managing those thoughts.
  • 93% of young adults are going to face rejection, and heartbreak is the most common precursor to feeling depressed.
  • Twenties are when we are most likely to abuse and/or become addicted to substances like alcohol, marijuana, and porn.
  • About one in four young adults are taking prescription mental health medication. They are “overmedicated and over diagnosed”.
  • Antidepressants are the most commonly used prescription drug.
  • Antianxiety meds have doubled since the year 2000 and are second to opioids in overdoses.
  • Over 50% of twentysomethings have not (yet) found a source of purpose.

 I believe this generational volatility and uncertainty are actually, at root-level, a crisis of identity. Our twenties is the time when identity gets worked out. The sooner we embrace our God-given identity, the sooner we will feel comfortable and confident in adulthood. However, the longer we look anywhere else for identity, the longer we will feel anxious and uncertain about life.

What’s fascinating is that, while identity formation is the problem, it’s not for lack of discussion. Identity is being discussed more than ever. In general, the way we do identity formation today is different than the past. In more traditional societies, identity was determined primarily through communal inheritance. Basically, you got your identity from your people. “We are the Smiths. You will be a blacksmith like your father. You will marry who we choose. You will live close to home. You will worship our family gods.” You get the point. In traditional societies, identity was inherited and communal. While that sounds oppressive to modern people, at least it’s stable. This communal inheritance model is low on freedom but high on stability.

Today, the pendulum has swung. Identity is built through self-determination rather than communal inheritance. This is high on freedom but low on stability. The cultural script is, “If you want to find yourself, look within. Follow your heart. Do what makes you happy. Live your truth.” The modern identity script casts the young adult as the hero on a freedom quest to break free from all the oppressive identity claims that others have put on them (“your conservative parents, the judgy religion of your childhood, bigoted societal norms and dusty traditions”). The emerging generation is told that they take us closer to a liberated utopia by choosing their own way and discovering “the authentic you.”

There are problems with the traditional communal inheritance model of identity formation. There are also real problems with the self-determination model. Self-determination resists self-control and self-sacrifice. The two are crucial to self-improvement as an adult. They are also core Christian virtues.

When we chase our feelings, we end up buzzing from flower to flower. This is why the institution of marriage is disintegrating. Over half of them fail in divorce, or young people aren’t getting married at all. This is why the emerging generation gets ridiculed for “prolonged adolescence”. The five broadly accepted sociological markers for adulthood are: (1) completing school; (2) moving out; (3) financial independence; (4) marriage; (5) having children. All these markers are getting pushed later.

Jay showed that young adults will have nine different jobs by 35. Why? Part of it has to do with the job market. Part of it is that we can’t find contentment. Eventually you won’t like your job. Even the best jobs get annoying. Yet, we tell ourselves, “The reason I don’t like it is because this isn’t who I am!” Pop psychology says, “The reason you’re not happy at work is because it’s not your sweet spot. So, take these 3 personality inventories! Find the job that fits you.” So, we switch jobs, and we are happy for a few months. Then the joy leaks, and we start over.

When I read Jay’s research, I couldn’t help but think, “This is the fruit of self-determination.” High on freedom, but low on stability. Self-determination is a recipe for uncertainty. “Let’s untether ourselves from the wisdom of elder generations. Let’s ignore societal norms and time-tested traditions. We can do this on our own!” … Hey! No, you can’t. We don’t have the wisdom to build your own identity. We have the arrogance but not the wisdom. For the record, I’m not picking on twentysomethings. None of us do! “Who am I? Why am I here? What should I be doing with my life?” That is God’s arena! So, let me copy and paste it again:

The sooner we embrace our God-given identity, the sooner we will feel comfortable and confident in adulthood. However, the longer we look anywhere else for identity, the longer we will feel anxious and uncertain about our lives.

I believe there is no such this as pure self-determination. Young people today develop their sense of self based on how others react to different versions they present. They are constantly buffering who they are based on how people respond. Exhibit A? Social media! Online, we get control over the presentation of ourselves. We get instantaneous feedback. And we can continually tweak our identity to maximize affirmation. Andy Crouch argued that this is how people form their morals today … not based on an honest read of Scripture or a sober assessment of what’s right vs. wrong, people form their morals based on inclusion and exclusion. “What will get me celebrated? What will get me canceled?” Then they make decisions accordingly.

I was watching a documentary about a professional athlete recently. He was into fashion and had a huge Tik Tok following. In the documentary, he said “I think people love me because I’m authentic.” He was not at all authentic though. He had stylists telling him what to wear, and the second the Tik-Tok camera was on, he became the version of himself that would get views. Then his media team edited the video to make him seem even better.

I read this from the late Tim Keller. He said, pretend there is a man who has a natural inclination toward both physical aggression and same-sex attraction. If that man was born in modern Manhattan, which of those desires is most likely to be set free? His same-sex attraction. Physical aggression is considered to be toxic. Now pretend that same man was born 1,000 years ago as a Norse Viking. Which of those desires is more likely to be set free? His violence and aggression! That is what would merit him honor in that society!

There is no such thing as pure self-determination. We either passively conform to the moral grid of our culture and let that decide how our unique self presents, or we actively conform to the Kingdom of God and allow Jesus to shape how our unique self presents. It is my belief that twentysomethings (and also everyone else) will experience maximum well-being if we embrace a God-given, Jesus-following, Spirit-possessed grid.

We are sold self-determination, but we need sacred-transformation. Your identity is meant to be God-given NOT peer driven, God given NOT self-determined. The sooner we say, “I’m not going to coronate my feelings. I’m aware of them but not captive to them. I’m done worrying about being on-trend. I’m just going to do this God’s way!” … the sooner this happens, the soon we transition into mature adulthood. When we let God give us our identity and begin believing what he says, it is a firm foundation. It is stable and sure. It is an emotional IV. It is psychological healing. It is true freedom! We are free from the chaos of self-determination! Free from the conformity of peer-validation! If you think you are going to get validation from a world that crucified a perfect man, you’ve lost your mind! If they found a reason to hate Jesus, they’ll find a reason to hate you too. Twentysomethings, want to stabilize your identity? Know your worth? Catch a time-tested vision for the horizon of human possibility? Let God tell you who you are!

Tyler McKenzie serves as lead pastor at Northeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky.

Christian Standard

Contact us at cs@christianstandardmedia.com

1 Comment

  1. Michael Bratten

    Thanks. Pretty solid insight.

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