Deep Friendship Doesn’t Happen by Drift
John Hampton and David Vaughan reflect on more than four decades of friendship shaped through shared life, ministry seasons, and time on the golf course. They offer practical “building blocks” and golf-shaped wisdom for investing early, giving grace, choosing relationships wisely, and finishing well together.
- Deep friendships are intentional—planned, nurtured, and protected over time.
- Shared history, grace (“mulligans”), and loyalty create resilience for life and ministry.
- How you “play the back nine” matters—finish well with the right people beside you.
By John Hampton and David Vaughan
From John
Years ago, Gallup conducted a major poll of the top “felt needs” of Americans. “Having good friends” was remarkably high on the list. That’s no surprise. Outside of our families, friends often shape us more than anything else. But here’s the challenge: you never drift into deep friendship. Like anything that truly matters, friendship requires attention, investment, and intentionality.
An old Kenny Rogers song said it best: “You can’t go out and make old friends.” Old friendships aren’t manufactured. They’re formed slowly through years of shared life.
I met my best buddy, David Vaughan, during my freshman year at Cincinnati Bible College in the fall of 1980. I was 17, he was 19. Our rooms were side by side, but we soon found ourselves by each other’s side, bonding over basketball, University of Kentucky hoops, chocolate chip cookies, and preaching. He introduced me to golf, launching decades of friendly competition. I was a late addition as a groomsman in his wedding; two years later, he was the best man in mine.
Since then, we’ve watched our children—and later grandchildren—grow up. We’ve weathered every imaginable season of ministry together. We’ve traveled, shared burdens no one else knows, and seen the good, the bad, and the ugly in each other.
To paraphrase Steve Martin’s joke about Martin Short, “David Vaughan and I have known each other so long, we can finish each other’s careers.” In many ways, we are doing exactly that. Here are a few lessons we’ve learned across four and a half decades of friendship.
Buddy-Building Blocks
Deep friendships are intentional, not accidental.
You don’t drift into meaningful relationships—you choose them, schedule them, and nurture them. Dave and I have usually lived hundreds of miles apart, yet we’ve always shown up for each other through calls, visits, vacations, golf trips, and ministry gatherings.
You can’t “make” old friends later—so invest early and consistently.
Neither of us knew in 1980 how essential our friendship would become, but God did. Old friends grow together slowly through loyalty, presence, and countless shared experiences. We planned our calendars around opportunities to be together, and those moments often came at exactly the right time in our lives and ministries.
Shared history creates unbreakable bonds.
The silly, the sacred, the stressful, the surprising—they all accumulate into something strong and steady. From eating cookies and playing video games as Bible college students, to sermon planning as preachers, to world travel and deep conversations with our wives, our decades of shared moments have built something time can’t erode and troubles can’t erase.
Real friends stay through every season.
They see your whole story—the good, the bad, and the embarrassing—and they stay. Dave has shown up in hospital rooms, ministry transitions, and personal crises. Sometimes he arrived when I least expected it, but most needed it.
Investing in friendship is investing in your future health and resilience.
A faithful friend becomes your “first call”—your go-to source of strength when life hits hard. Build friendships now, because when the road gets rough (and it will), you’ll be grateful for someone who’s already traveled so much of it with you.
David Vaughan was the best man at my wedding and remains the best man in my life. I pray every preacher will have a friend like Dave—or better yet, be one in the life of another.
From David
As John mentioned, he and I love golf. I can’t begin to recount the discussions and decisions we’ve made on the course. We started golfing early in our friendship, and we’ve played all over the U.S., and even at the Old Course at St. Andrews. We’ve been a team for decades.
Golf is full of axioms that apply to life. Three of them, in particular, describe why our friendship has flourished.
Give (and receive) mulligans.
A mulligan is a do-over after a bad shot. It isn’t in the rule book, but it sure preserves your game—and in our case, our friendship. We’ve given each other plenty of relational mulligans.
I’ve forgiven John for things we laugh about now—like the time he hit me with an errant golf shot while we were playing with my dad! And he has forgiven me for many more things. But nothing has ever fractured our friendship because we have given and received mulligans.
Choose your clubs wisely.
Club selection is crucial in golf. In life, your success often depends on the people you choose to surround yourself with. I was wise enough to keep John close. Scripture speaks of “a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” John has been that friend to me. I never had a biological brother, but God gave me one in him.
He has built me up, not torn me down. Invited me in when others kept me out. Wanted me to win, even if he didn’t win. Years ago, he even turned down a great preaching position because I had applied for the same role and he didn’t want to hurt my chances. The search committee chair later told me that John said, “I was friends with David Vaughan before I applied, and I will be friends with him when I am no longer the preacher at this church. Our friendship matters.” That is loyalty.
Play your back nine well.
Golfers know what matters most is not how you start, but how you finish. As I watched John retire from his lead pastor role, he played his back nine brilliantly. And now, he and I get to play the next back nine together—coaching, teaching, and helping other pastors and churches with what we’ve learned from all our past rounds.
I’m grateful John invited me to be his partner in golf and in life. And if I had only one more round to play, I’d want it to be with him—my best buddy.
John Hampton is Pastor Emeritus of Journey Christian Church, Apopka, Florida, and Program Director of the Compelling Preaching Initiative with the Christian Church Leadership Network.
David Vaughan is retired Senior Pastor of Whitewater Crossing Christian Church, Cincinnati, Ohio, and Program Director of the Healthy Church Initiative with the Christian Church Leadership Network.
