True Friends

By Shawn McMullen

This issue of Christian Standard focuses on friendship—the importance of friendship in ministry, in personal relationships, and among independent churches. We’ll look at how friendship influences disagreement and conflict, and we’ll marvel at the relationship we share with Jesus Christ, who calls us “friends.” 

Proverbs 17:17 sums up well the work of true friends: “A friend loves at all times.” The love of true friends is expressed in a variety of ways. Here are some that come to mind. 

True friends are faithful. Selfish people make terrible friends. They may spend time with you when it suits their purposes, but the moment a better deal comes their way, you’re left behind. True friends care deeply for you and place your needs above their own. 

True friends are accepting. True friends appreciate you for who you are. You don’t have to prove yourself or pretend to be someone you aren’t. True friends are those people in whose presence you can be yourself and be at peace. 

True friends are present. They make themselves available. You may have heard the expression, “Everyone needs at least one ‘3:00am friend’ in their life.” This is the person you would feel comfortable calling in the middle of the night if you felt deeply troubled, knowing they wouldn’t get angry or hang up on you. True friends invest in you and make time for you. 

True friends listen. You can share your private thoughts with true friends without having to worry about an information leak. You can confess your greatest failures, admit your darkest sins, discuss your most debilitating fears—all in complete confidence. Everyone needs at least one person in their life who can be trusted to listen and to keep quiet. 

True friends are honest. They don’t tell you what they think you want to hear. They are kind but candid. We need straight shooters in our lives, people who will tell us what they really think about our dreams, our fears, and our circumstances. 

True friends are supportive. They share your grief, celebrate your successes, and stand by you when others don’t. 

True friends are protective. Mistaking it for an act of friendship, some people are quick to repeat to their friends unkind remarks others have said about them. True friends squelch gossip; they don’t perpetuate it. 

True friends are loyal. Have you ever been in a conversation where someone spoke unkindly about a friend who wasn’t present? True friends find a way to politely bring a halt to such talk and say something as simple as, “Please don’t speak that way about my friend.” 

True friends are forgiving. Even the best of friends disagree. And argue. And get annoyed with one another. But true friends don’t remain angry. They value the friendship above the disagreement, the bruised ego, or the hurt feelings. They take steps to resolve conflict. They’re quick to restore strained relationships. 

This isn’t meant to be an exhaustive list, but it addresses many components of true friendship. May you have such friends in your life, and may you be this kind of friend to others.