How Can You Help Him?

By Jerry Langley

One of the greatest challenges of ministry, it has been said, is staying in the ministry. If you took a poll among preachers on Monday morning and asked how many of them felt like resigning, the number of hands would surprise you. The vocational ministry can be quite demanding and lonely.

I have experienced what preachers go through and personally know several who have left the ministry. Many have become discouraged and never returned. The shame of it all is that even though I knew something of what these men went through, I never did anything about it. I did not call, visit, or make contact with any of them.

Then, after 20-some years in vocational ministry, 14 in the same community, I left the ministry. Because our daughter was a junior in high school, we elected to stay in the area. When we left the church no one called to see how we were, and not a single area preacher made contact with us. Only one family from our former church visited us. A few months later our 16-year-old daughter and her boyfriend ran away together and were missing for several weeks. During this time only one area preacher contacted my wife and me to offer support. My lack of ministering to other preachers in the past had come full circle.

There is no way to describe all the feelings and baggage associated with walking away from the ministry. There is shame and guilt for “removing ones” hand from the plow.” There is the loss of friends, and maybe your home. Your identity, your reputation, your self-respect, your role in the community””all are at risk. Sometimes you feel crushed, angry, and abandoned.

The Bible college degree you earned does not qualify you for many secular jobs. You might end up working at a job that is totally foreign to you. This means starting over again with a new employer, a different pay scale and benefits, new peers, and an unfamiliar environment.

So, what does all this mean for John Doe pew-sitter? What can the Christian community and our brother ministers do to help someone get through this difficult time?

Pray for him and his family. Most prayer promises Christians make are just that””promises. We tell others we will pray for them and then fail to follow through. Ministers out of the ministry need our follow through. They need our prayers.

The preacher”s family also needs our prayers. Leaving the ministry often affects the lives of his wife and children. There may be numerous adjustments, a new home, a change of schools, a different church. Prayer is one thing that everyone can do to help them.

Continue the relationship. What ministers need most from their fellow preachers is their continued friendship. My next job was in a factory; it was hot, hard, grueling work. I worked third shift for the first time in my life, and it was not enjoyable. Having the support and continued fellowship of a former comrade could have helped significantly.

Months after leaving our last ministry, when our daughter was gone for several weeks, we were comforted when a fellow preacher called to see how we were. He offered his support. Ministers who have left the ministry still need the support of old friends. A couple from our last ministry maintained contact with us. Their continued friendship was greatly appreciated. Making the time for a former minister and friend can truly lessen the blows of Satan and help the minister”s family deal with the changes.

Encourage him. Barnabas was a source of encouragement to the apostle Paul. If Paul benefited from the encouragement of a friend, then surely we all can. A phone call or a card offering words of encouragement can go a long way. An invitation to go out for coffee or lunch can give the preacher an opportunity to share what is on his heart. Act as a sounding board, have a patient ear, be positive and attentive.

Knowing that someone cares enough to listen can give your preacher friend the chance to work through some of his feelings and emotional baggage. Having an encouraging friend is something we all need, especially a preacher who has left the ministry.

Help him recognize his successes. Two years after I left my last church, my sons and I ran into two young men who had been part of our youth group. After the hugs and general catching up, I found out they were both enrolled in Bible college and studying to be youth ministers. I learned seven young people from their age group had gone on to Bible college to prepare for ministry, missions, or some Christian-related vocation.

Knowing what you had done has mattered is an important revelation for a minister. Realizing that the seeds you planted are bearing fruit is powerful ammunition against Satan”s accusations that you were a failure. Helping a preacher recognize his successes is a wonderful extension of God”s grace. The knowledge he made a difference helps heal the hurt of leaving.

Several months ago a minister from a nearby church was asked to leave. A group in the church was not happy with him for whatever reason. I contacted him and invited him out for a cup of coffee. Sometime later my wife and daughter ran into this same preacher and found out that only one minister from the area called him after he left his previous ministry.

I guess I learned something from what I have been through. Hopefully we all do.

 

 

Jerry Langley lives in Danville, Virginia.