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 by Randy Gariss
Preacher, You”ve Got Friends
This article is adapted from a chapter that appeared originally in Preacher, You”ve Got Friends, compiled by Murray Hollis. This collection of life and ministry stories and advice is written by 25 Christian leaders, all of them with considerable ministry experience.
The book is available for $15 plus $3 shipping at www.christianfriendsconnexion.com. Or write Christian Friends Connexion, 1111 Windsor, Joplin, MO 64801.
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In 27 years at the same ministry, there have been multiple opportunities and reasons to leave. Sometimes the temptation to resign and start fresh somewhere else involved joy and a longing to walk through intriguing and beckoning open doors. Other reasons to leave came in the middle of pain and tears and the passionate desire for flight.
Yet in each of these situations, our family (and our elders) always concluded that the benefits to the kingdom, and therefore the church and our own lives, were best served by staying.
And in the process, I”ve become committed to the concept of a long ministry for at least three reasons.
BETTER LEADERS
In our movement, we preach against the distinction between clergy and laity, yet our patterns often say something different. In reality, we have many hired clergy who move through congregations in much the same way migrant workers drift from field to field. The work is honorable, but the relationships are temporary.
But even more significant, these “migratory white-collared clergy” perform tasks the congregation can”t even imagine providing for itself. This faulty perception steals from the wonder, glory, and purpose of the church; it steals the ability to raise up leaders. The irony is this: in attempting to help a church with leadership, our system has harmed it.
The words may seem subtle, but the difference is significant””short-term ministries too easily become “to or for the congregation,” while long-term ministries, develop a minister viewed as “from the congregation.” Over time, he becomes more of a peer and neighbor. And he has a much better opportunity to model and raise up fellow leaders.
I fondly remember a stack of notes I found on my desk one Thursday morning. It seems the second-grade class from Wednesday night youth group had written appreciation notes to their preacher. The teacher later claimed she had not read the notes, but simply gathered placed them in my office.
The front cover of the first one sweetly read, “Dear Mr. Gariss, we are so glad you are our preacher.” On the inside it continued, “And never forget that we are paying for you!”
Now, I”d like to think that as that bright-eyed little girl copied the sample sentence off the board she left the “r,” out of “praying,” but one never knows. Perhaps even the sweet and innocent have figured out our system.
I am not seeking greater respect for ministers, but something far more important: a greater respect for the Christian community”s ability to raise up leaders from among themselves. Each congregation must develop shepherds and pastors and teachers capable of advancing the kingdom of God and leading his people. Temporary hired workers on short-term rotations perpetuate a lesser view of the church.
Is it wrong to hire someone to come in and help with this process? Of course not. But the pivotal concern is whether this hired one becomes part of the congregation and is absorbed into their midst”””one of us,” if you will.
A ministry becomes “long-term” when the congregation and community perceive the minister as a shepherd from the congregation, not the hired minister for the church. Morphing a ministry family from “the people we hired” into “one of us” usually requires time. This is especially true when there are deep and unhealthy patterns to be overcome. The privilege of being allowed to be deeply involved in leadership development is one of the primary reasons I have stayed.
SHEPHERDING
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Real discipleship involves far more than classroom preaching and teaching. If the church could create mature disciples by lecturing, we probably would be up to our eyebrows with mature Christians. But as important as the classroom is (and it is important), it has its limits.
Real discipleship is always the result of a shared journey down a long road. And shepherding is choosing to share life”s journey with those you would disciple. The longer an individual can accompany his or her fellow travelers, the more effective the shepherding. Love is never a short journey.
Our experience at College Heights certainly isn”t unique, but the babies we prayed for and watched grow up, the ones we loved and invested in throughout their childhood, are the ones who now have their own families and babies. We have shared life with them. We know the joys and burdens they have carried and the hopes and dreams they are now trying to live out. Our many years together allow an intimacy that no shortcut permits. We are their shepherds, and maybe even more significant, they are ours. We are fellow disciples sharing a long journey together.
One of our church”s staff members recently spoke with great appreciation of her time with our church. With tears welling in her eyes she revealed, “I have never before been part of a church long enough to be invited to the weddings, or wanted as a friend at the funerals. You don”t know what this means. My family and I, even from my childhood, were always so short-term that we were always on the outside looking in.”
I think the pain she expressed is felt both ways in a short-term ministry. The shepherds wish they really knew””and were really loved by the sheep. The sheep wish they really knew””and were really loved by the shepherds. There is no shortcut to a shared life.
Yet, I think “really knowing and really loving” are also part of the problem. As attractive as these sentiments sound, the difficulty of developing them surely is among the reasons the cycle of short-term ministries continues. Singer Joan Baez astutely observed, “The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one.”
Staying becomes hard for both preacher and congregation. It is hard for the minister because the longer he stays, the less he is able to deal with the people as a group or congregation; he is forced to live with them one by one. And I think it is hard for the congregation because the longer the preacher stays, the more difficult it becomes for the congregation to deal with him as the hired minister; instead, he becomes a real person, with a real family.
There is no disputing that from this hard thing, the best things come: real love, real friendships, real belonging, real unity, and ultimately real church. Though rare, the best kind of love is always the staying kind.
HEALTHY
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The third benefit of a long ministry is that the minister and his family have a greater opportunity for wholeness. I am speaking of far more than just the pleasant fruit of belonging, but also our own deep need for spiritual transformation.
My daughter now serves in a leadership capacity with a local ministry. Last night I overheard her on the phone attempting to work through one of those inevitable ministry problems. Anyone who has ever served in leadership can fill in the blanks: someone is mad, thinks the leaders shouldn”t have gotten involved, is leaving, and is not coming back.
As I listened, my father”s heart experienced two emotions. First, I was proud of her. It isn”t an easy balance to simultaneously confront and act as gentle peacemaker. My second emotion was sympathy; it isn”t fun to live with the drama that was thrust upon her shoulders.
Yet I felt worse for the individual who said he was leaving. A person often chooses to leave during a painful time, but that choice steals more than just unity or partnership; it steals personal wholeness.
The crucible for our change is seldom in the isolation of a monk”s cubicle. Scripture constantly reminds us the real crucible of transformation always involves the towel and the basin and a servant”s role in the lives of people. (Note: in Galatians 5, the fruit of the Spirit is directly related to a specific “walk” which is self-defined as “through love becoming the servant to one another.”)
Here lies the kicker. Servanthood seldom gets to be lived out on our terms. Servanthood is the action you take when you want to run. Servanthood is the gentle answer when you want to shout. Servanthood is the setting aside of your better plans because the team has selected lesser ones. Servanthood is forgiveness of those who can”t yet imagine they are wrong. Servanthood is staying when you want to leave. And yes, servanthood is the only road to transformation.
We each desperately need transformation. A one-man band will always think he walks in step. It is only when fellow marchers are added that the inconsistencies of his own pace will be discovered. It is not that we are hypocrites, for we all love Christ. Rather, it is that we are shallow and faint imitations of him. And in our shallowness, we have learned to avoid situations that will “find us out.”
Tragically, even in the Christian culture we have mastered the art of the short-term relationship. Much can be hidden that way.
It is through long-term relationships and difficult servanthood that we change. In staying, there is transformation: hard, tearful at times, exasperating, but ultimately beneficial. The runner does not just run from the pain, he runs from himself.
It is not just that I wanted to stay as a servant in this place. It is that I needed to stay.
“But,” some will ask, “can”t a minister get stale by staying too long?” My answer is I wouldn”t really know. The truth is, I have not been at one church for 27 years; I have been at four or five different churches, each named College Heights. In each chapter it has had different challenges, needs, and strengths.
It is also true College Heights has not had the same preacher through the years. The congregation hired a 27-year-old kid. I am now a man in my mid-50s. The church has had the best and worst of me, and we have shared the journey together. I am not sure at this point who is discipling whom. I suspect it has always been like that.
Perhaps the best conclusion comes from advice I received from my old cross-country coach. He was adamant, “Never quit on the hills!” He told us if we ever quit running on the hard climb of a hill then he was “done with us. You can quit whenever you get to the top of the hill and then walk if you must; I won”t mind. But you don”t ever quit in the middle.”
I think that has served me about as well as anything I know. I have wanted to quit when the tension was high. I have wanted to quit when the relationships were strained. I have wanted to quit during the dark nights that ministry brings. But the decision was already made,
“I will quit after we make peace; I will quit after this hard chapter is through; I will quit when the storm is over.”
The funny thing is, whenever we got “to the top of the hill,” well, who wants to quit then? And so we have stayed.
Randy Gariss serves as preaching minister with College Heights Christian Church in Joplin, Missouri.
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Is There Ever a Good Time to Leave?
Be very reluctant to leave a ministry:
“¢ When you are still able to raise up leaders.
“¢ When you are still granted access to love and shepherd his people.
“¢ While God is still shaping your life through the people in this place.
Is it ever acceptable to leave? Of course:
“¢ When fellow leaders in this place are developing other leaders, and you know other places where this is not happening.
“¢ When there are sufficient leaders in this place able to shepherd, and you know of other places short on shepherds.
“¢ When you are not running from pain in this place, but moving to a place that involves new ministry and legitimate new growth.
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