Why Ministers Quit—and How Churches Can Help
Keith Wishum reflects on one reason ministers become discouraged: they may be known only for what they provide, not for who they are as people. He encourages church members to help ministers “exist” beyond their role by treating them as friends, showing interest in their lives, and including them socially.
- Ministers can feel reduced to their function rather than known as individuals.
- Church members can unintentionally relate to preachers only through needs, complaints, or expectations.
- Simple acts of friendship and inclusion can help ministers remain healthy and human.
By Keith Wishum
Why do ministers quit?
Many do every year. And, reportedly, not enough others enter ministry to fill the vacancies.
But why? The answers to that question are as varied as are the men who minister. Here, however, is one possible cause that may be universal to all discouraged ministers.
Ministers quit when they cease to exist. They cease to exist as ministers after they cease to exist as individuals.
Granted, that odd-sounding idea may take some explaining. It is a thought prompted by author Frederick Buechner in The Sacred Journey. Describing a typical child’s perspective on the people in his life, Buechner says of his family, “I knew them for what they had it in them to give me or to withhold, knew them not for whoever they were in themselves, but for who they were for me.”
What He Can Give
Perhaps that’s how it is with a preacher—known not for who he is, but for what he can give or withhold. He seems a very popular person at church, but those who line up to talk with him rarely wish to talk to him as a person. They come asking, “Can you explain this to me? Will you visit my mother in the hospital?” They come complaining, “It’s too cold in here. Why don’t we have Communion after the sermon?” But rarely do they come just to talk to him as a friend.
Sometimes they come bearing gifts, pleasant words: “That was a great sermon! I don’t know how you always know just what I need.” But even those well-intentioned gifts focus on the position and what he provides, not the person. They relate to what the minister can give (or withhold)—some pleasure from a sermon.
All week long guests stop by the minister’s office—for what he may do for them. They seldom come to offer anything, or to inquire how he’s doing. They come telling their troubles, pouring out their most intimate secrets, not as a friend to friend, but as a client to a professional.
The typical minister’s social calendar is full. Not for his witty conversation, however, is the preacher invited, but to say the prayer before the meal. At weddings he has a special place, so long as he has a ceremony to give. He is not there as a cherished friend, not even as a valued part of the couple’s church family, he is there as a tool, a necessary piece of equipment—a bit like the janitor, only in a suit and included in the photos afterward.
Perhaps it is inevitable for ministers to cease to exist. Even of Jesus, it was said, “Zeal for your house consumes me” (Psalm 69:9). As the minister’s dedication is sucked into the vacuum of ministry’s endless demands, it may be unavoidable that the minister be consumed.
Help Him to Exist
Would you like to keep your minister from vanishing? Help him to exist as a person. Here are a few simple suggestions on how to do that.
- Show the same interest in him as an individual that you would extend to anyone else. Talk to him about something besides your own church concerns. He may be happy to talk shop with you, but give him the chance to discuss his church concerns for a change, not just yours.
- Inquire about his hobbies. Recognize and acknowledge that he has a life outside his ministry. Of course, if he has already ceased to exist, you may find he does not have much of a life beyond his role as minister. You may need to help him rediscover a previous life, or to develop new interests.
- Treat him as a friend. There seems a tendency to shun preachers socially. Maybe they set themselves up for that by an air of piety that puts off others. Or maybe it’s reluctance by church members to let the minister see them up close, as they really are. In either case, both the minister and the church will profit from breaking down that barrier.
- Include him in social functions. Often the minister finds himself standing quietly while members discuss outings and trips in his presence. Invite him to go along. Invite him out to lunch or dinner—and you lead the prayer for a change.
Buechner says of his parents, “I gave them new selves to become—made my father a father, my mother a mother—and what they were apart from me, I no more knew or cared than I knew or cared what the world had been before I made my appearance in it” (Sacred Journey, p. 11).
Members of a church make a minister a minister. They give him that function. Wise Christians will also take care not to take from their minister his existence beyond that role. If he ceases to exist as a person, he will also, of necessity, cease to exist as a minister.
Keith Wishum has served as a preaching minister for 20 years. He now serves with the Williams Road Church of Christ in Americus, Georgia.
