29 March, 2024

Even a Leader Needs a Friend

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by | 31 July, 2012 | 1 comment

By Patti Cappa

Very successful people, driven people, devoted people, parents, leaders of all kinds, and people in ministry leadership sometimes don”t have a best friend.

We hear the excuses time and again from those who come to us at Marble Retreat (an interdenominational Christian counseling center primarily serving people in ministry):

“It isn”t safe to have best friends,” they say.

“I don”t have time for them.”

“I am simply too busy with work and ministry to make such an investment.”

“I really don”t need a best friend. That”s for children.”

“I have God and/or my spouse and I don”t need anyone else.”

Through my years of working with suffering people, I have learned that the evil one loves for us to be alone with our hurts and disappointments. This aloneness causes us to fold in on ourselves and make bad choices. It also breeds bitterness and resentment””two attributes that do NOT describe our Savior. We need one or two same-sex best friends.

When our participants say, “Yes, I have a best friend” or “I have a cadre of friends that travel the highs and lows of life with me,” I just want to stand up and cheer. Jesus had disciples. We have friends.

 

My Friends

A few years ago I had the privilege of enjoying a friend I have known since we were in fourth grade. We visited and shared our stories. She tweaked my perspective regarding one of my family members, which freed up my angst as my vision cleared.

I also had the good fortune to attend the wedding of the daughter of a dear friend I”ve had since we were 15. We did a lot of laughing together and shared a treasured memory of her only child”s wedding. With her, I am at home.

Another friend from my teen years is coming soon to visit. We spent more than an hour last night talking on the phone about life, faith, and our families, and I came away from that conversation with a conviction to apologize, yet again, to someone else in my family.

These are old and sacred friendships. They bring meaning and community to my life. These friends knew me when my world was small (and so was I). They witnessed many of my bad decisions, and they still love me. They see my blind spots and spur me on to be more honest with myself. They aren”t on a mission to change me.

All this is possible because we know each other. The Bible offers this simple yet profound truth: “Walk with the wise and become wise” (Proverbs 13:20).

 

Mary”s Friend

The Bible gives us examples of good friends. One of my favorite examples is Mary, the mother of Jesus. After the angel told her she was pregnant with God”s Son, he then told her to visit her best friend””that would be her cousin Elizabeth, who had recently discovered her own miraculous pregnancy.

Mary and Elizabeth spent about three months together. I am confident they shared their fears, their hopes, and their nausea. They may even have shared a struggle or two regarding a silent husband or fiancé. Mary needed a wise friend to walk with her at such a tenuous time, and the Lord provided one.

I have never been visited by an angel, but I am often inspired to make a connection. I don”t always listen to these inspirations, much to my disappointment in my disobedience. Of course, life gets busy and derails these inspirations. I have no excuse.

Is the Lord inspiring you to make a connection with a wise person you hardly know, or to reconnect with an old friend you have known well? I urge you to give it a try. Remember, “Walk with the wise and become wise.”

Go ahead, take a risk, find a best friend or two, and grow in wisdom.

 

Patti Cappa, a licensed marriage and family therapist, is executive director of Marble Retreat, a counseling retreat center that specializes in helping those in vocational Christian ministry.

1 Comment

  1. Brent

    Really great article. Especially in ministry we need someone we can bear our soul to. I know without my best friend whom I feel is more like a brother I would be lost.

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