THIS IS THE SECOND IN A SERIES OF FIVE “STICKY CONVERSATIONS”
By Steve Larson
We want to believe this is someone else”s problem. We want to believe that ministry professionals are above entanglement in this sin. But statistics tell us, and my experience affirms this: pornography is present even in the church, but those enmeshed in it can be helped.
A little over 15 years ago, I left the marketplace in Michigan and planted a church in Cary, North Carolina. Crosspointe Church began in the fall of 1997. Having been involved in a family business for a number of years, this was a significant change for our loved ones.
Any significant transition requires a great deal of planning on the front end. I had been leading the business in Michigan and needed to find a competent successor upon our move. We identified a capable replacement, talked at great length about the possibilities, and provided the necessary training.
My successor at the company came on board and worked with me for six months before we made our trek to North Carolina. Not only did he seem to be a good businessman, but he was already a great friend too. It seemed this would be a seamless transition.
We were able to form a relationship with East 91st Street Christian Church in Indianapolis, gained some great insights from other church planters, and began the work. With the family business left behind, nearly 700 miles away, we were beginning a new adventure in faith. It was exciting.
Real People
About a year into the church planting venture, I received a phone call from my former secretary in the family business. She informed me that my successor and good friend was viewing pornography at work. On several occasions she had walked into his office and been subjected to pornographic images on his computer screen. She didn”t know what to do, so she called me.
We discovered our computer network was filled with countless pornographic images. We had never encountered a situation like this before and needed to seek legal counsel. Soon my successor admitted to his pornography addiction and resigned in shame. The business suffered, and it was painful on a personal level too. Our friendship did not survive the ordeal.
In spite of all of the difficulties and challenges, when this experience was past us, I remember thinking, That”s what happens in the marketplace. But pornography is also present in the ministry.
Despite problems back at the family business, the church plant was alive and well. Crosspointe was growing rapidly. We were adding new staff members to our team, engaged in expansion plans, involved in church planting, and addressing general ministry needs in reaching many previously unchurched people. If you wanted to survive on the Crosspointe staff, you had to be a self-starter or it would swallow you up. The pace was fast, and it was relentless. I”m not saying this was right. It”s just how it was at that time.
About five years into the life of the church, our executive minister informed me that one of our youth ministers was involved in pornography. He had hidden pornographic images on the church computer network, and apparently had been doing this for quite awhile before he was caught.
We approached the staff member, and he admitted to it. He was released from his position. We offered to provide counseling, but he never took us up on the offer. Instead, he chose to leave town.
Many people were hurt. Students were angry. Some felt like they were abandoned. Parents were upset, some because of what happened, others because the staff member was let go. At that time, we had no staff policy relating to pornography. Like many other challenges in the new church plant, our response was something we invented as we went along.
About a year later, a church staff member approached me. At that point, we still had no written policy regarding pornography, but we were determined to try and exercise sound judgment if this situation were to arise again.
This staff member, in a very contrite manner, admitted to having a problem with pornography. He wished he didn”t, and he wanted this problem behind him. He realized he might lose his job over this, but he believed it was more important to save his personal life and marriage than his job.
The church worked to provide him with the help he needed. This staff member sought counseling, implemented some healthy practices with regard to the Internet, and put some additional accountability in place. Today, he is still involved in ministry and is in a much healthier place than he was then.
I have seen that pornography affects real people with marriages and mortgages and children””people in the marketplace and in ministry. People like you and me.
Real Problem
Pornography has become a real problem in our society. Much of the information in this section comes from a group called Covenant Eyes, which reports that from 1997 to 2006 the porn industry grew by more than half, with annual revenues that exceed the combined income of the National Football League, National Basketball Association, and Major League Baseball.
More than half the sites visited on the Internet are pornographic in nature. A Focus on the Family survey found pornography was a problem in about half the homes it contacted.
The American Academy of Divorce Lawyers reports that in more than half the cases it handles, one party is identified as having an obsessive interest in porn sites.
Author and Christian leader Chuck Swindoll has said it”s commonly thought that half of all churchgoers are looking at, and could be addicted to pornography.
A Christian.net survey found that half of Christian men and one in five Christian women are addicted to pornography. Are you noticing any trends here? It seems like pornography impacts more than half of all people, and more than half of all Christians.
About a decade ago, Focus on the Family said 10 percent of all calls it received on its pastoral care line were about pastors and pornography. Today, that figure is well over half.
Pastors.com reported that more than half of pastors have viewed a pornographic website in the past year””about one-third have viewed such a site in the past month.
It”s a problem””period. So what do we do?
Real Proposal
Here are some first steps””the ABC”s, if you will””that we can take:
A. Awareness. It”s time for church leaders to become more aware of this problem, and to start having intelligent conversations regarding its crippling effect on society and the church.
The statistics certainly indicate the prevalence of pornography in society, the church, and with pastors. We often express pride in the technology we are using to help advance Christ”s cause. All the while, Satan is using technology to advance his cause too. It”s time for our churches to become aware of this problem. Awareness is a start.
B. Be proactive. Adopt an action plan. What can you do? Perhaps you can learn more about this issue and stay current.
Maybe it”s time to talk to the leadership at your church. They oversee many issues. Perhaps you can be a point person for your church by helping to provide information about the problems of pornography, along with ideas about where to go for help. You might help save the marriages of people you don”t even know.
Perhaps you can establish an accountability system. According to reports, three out of four ministers are not accountable to anyone for their Internet use.
And through it all, remember the spouse. Christian leader Dan Allender says men have a 20 times greater likelihood of struggling with pornography than women. The wife can quite often be forgotten when this problem is addressed. Perhaps God is calling you to be an encourager, a “Barnabas” to a spouse in your personal sphere of influence.
C. Communicate. I regret the church I serve did not craft a pornography policy early on and communicate it to our staff members. I wonder what might have been. Would the youth minister who was caught with pornography have come forward and sought help instead? If so, perhaps years of shame and pain could have been altered.
I still don”t have a skillfully written policy, but what if we offered some hope to a person who”s drowning in this area? Very few church leaders I”ve spoken with have actually encountered a problem with staff members in this arena. I wonder if it”s because we have had more of a “don”t ask, don”t tell” mind-set in the church. This secret sin stays hidden in the darkness. This is an issue that needs the light.
Can you imagine what could be if churches were to start leading the way with this struggle?
Can you imagine the lives that could be impacted, the marriages that could be saved, the kids that could be made safe, and the hope that could be restored, if the church leads the way?
I”m looking forward to the day when our churches gather again, perhaps at a North American Christian Convention, to address this issue head-on. And when we gather, I”d like to hear representatives from many churches saying, “Here”s what we”ve done. Here”s what we”re doing. Here”s the difference we”re making.” Perhaps you can be one who helps lead the way.
Steve Larson is church planting director with East 91st Street Christian Church in Indianapolis, Indiana, and director of New Churches of Christ Evangelism, Mount Pleasant, Michigan.
Some Responses
D. Mark Miller (Indianapolis, Indiana):Â Steve”s encounters with those entangled in pornography highlight my personal experiences related to this issue. There is a big difference between caught and conviction. Practical experience has taught me that very few who are “caught” are truly broken enough to even start a restoration process, let alone see it to completion. Overcoming sexual addiction starts with conviction and spiritual brokenness.
Over the last two decades I have sat across the table from dozens of couples whose marriages are on the precipice because of the issue of pornography. In that same 20 years, I have sat across from an equal number of fellow ministers from around the country who struggle with the same issue. These opportunities presented themselves for two reasons: (1) because I have openly shared my own past struggles, and (2) because I was able to share the same grace that was shown me by my wife and the church I was serving in Illinois when the Spirit provided me the courage and emotional support to acknowledge my addictions.
Terry O’Casey (Eugene, Oregon):Â Steve rightly agonizes over a fellow believer caught in the empty life of porn.
The question is, how can we create an environment where even “the worst of sinners” (translated””an elder”s wife who is gossiping about the staff member struggling with sin) can find healing?
Dietrich Bonhoeffer”s book written while on the run from Adolf Hitler, entitled Life Together, teaches us: “He who is alone with his sin, is utterly alone.” As believers, we must keep the broken in community, we must not drive them out.
Bonhoeffer also speaks of the power of intercession on behalf of that lonely brother caught in addiction: “Intercession means . . . to bring our brother into the presence of God, to see him under the Cross of Jesus as a poor human being and sinner in need of grace. Then everything in him that repels us falls away. . . . To make intercession means to grant our brother the same right that we have received, namely, to stand before Christ and share in his mercy.”
Dan Burton (Cincinnati, Ohio):Â Steve”s words are accurate and helpful. The three steps he proposes are practical (Awareness, Be proactive, and Communicate), but I wonder if there isn”t another part to this problem that isn”t easy to elucidate.
If we establish an atmosphere of grace, people are more likely to bring their struggles to us, but if we have an aura of rigidity in our church/business/family, then people are more likely to hide their shortcomings.
How can we strive to make our offices, churches, businesses, and friendships more conducive for honest conversation about the struggle to be men and women of integrity?
Creating an atmosphere of grace is not something that can be mapped out or easily put down on paper . . . nor can it be done by one person. With the help of the Holy Spirit and people committed to dealing with the ugliness of real-life struggles, however, I believe it can be done.
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ABOUT THIS FIVE-PART SERIES:Â One workshop at this summer”s North American Christian Convention was called “Sticky Conversations.” Five panelists each offered a perspective on an issue that troubles Christians today, and then workshop attendees shared experiences and asked questions.
We decided to open these discussions to all our readers, starting with last month”s issue that explored alcohol (“Is it ever right or always wrong for a Christian to take a drink?”)
This month we take up pornography: Is it a pervasive problem in ministry?
Over the next three months, watch for discussions of homosexuality, Calvinism, and divorce and remarriage.
Each month we will ask a few readers to join the “sticky conversation.” We invite you to contribute to the discussion by posting your comment with this article.
Within the Church today much of our membership is still very naive concerning this problem. The instant access that the internet gives all of us allows sinful habits to be pursued in secret. It would not be surprising in the least if 50% of all men within the Church have issues with pornography. After all, the seeds are planted on magazine covers, prime time television, radio air waves and in our movie theaters. Each of these is nothing more than an enticement for boys and men to do further exploration.
Though the first step in dealing with this issue is sound and proper Biblical teaching and preaching that clearly demonstrates God’s view of sin and the consequences ( eternal and temporal ), it is by no means the only course of action. Few Churches have truly given thought as to how to help those who might have this addiction. Hopefully, many ministers and Elders will look at this problem that is well presented here as a genuine epidemic and discuss what resources their flocks need to prevent, intervene and restore those who are at risk.
Steve, thank you so much for addressing this real issue. This issue is the big elephant in the room in most churches and we must address it. So many men that I meet with are searching for hope and practical help when it comes to this issue. Thanks for not only articulating the issue, but providing a real proposal as well. May God use the Church to free people from this addiction!
There is an importance resource in northern KY to help those suffering from this and other problems involving sexuality. This unique ministry is called Pure Life Ministries. They have been assisting families to recover from these problems. Their website is http://www.purelifeministries.org. Contact Jeff Colon or Steve Gallagher at 859-824-4444 for information.
Anyone can access their resources on the internet at http://www.purelifeministries.org/free-resources/pure-life-radio
I hope this is helpful to your readers.
Bill Robinson