By Ken Swatman
As ministers and church leaders, we see sin every day in our communities, congregations, families, and in ourselves.
We are called by God to recognize sin, confront it, and bring it into the light of Jesus. We are no more on the front line of sin”s personal battle than anyone else, but as servant-leaders in Christ”s body, we often must assume the roles of confrontational authority and navigator of the deep waters of redemption, repentance, and restoration.
In this three-part series, I will look at some practical issues we face as we lead people down this path.
The call came at about 10:00 on a Saturday night””not a good time to get a pastor all stressed out and worked up. The young lady on the other end of the phone was frightened and confused.
Someone she trusted as a parent figure and friend had morally and sexually crossed the line with her, and she needed help. The man in question was a leader in our church. He had shared from the pulpit and shaped the foundations of our missions program. Needless to say, the news came as a shock.
There was no doubt the brokenness of this relationship needed to be confronted. The immediate reaction often is to jump into the confrontation with both feet, to pick up the phone and demand an answer from the accused.
I understand the emotions behind this impulse, but patience, timing, and wisdom must rule the day. It has been my experience that what you do before a confrontation is just as important as what you do during a confrontation.
BEFORE YOU CONFRONT
A poorly thought out confrontation, one with little or no documentation or information, can cause great harm to the accuser, the accused, and the integrity and witness of the church. A premature confrontation without information and boundaries can cause a backlash on the accuser and damage the potential for restoration.
Before any confrontation, you should gather information, document the accusations, communicate with elders and key leaders, and determine the appropriate outcome. We need to remember the goal for every situation and person affected by sin is redemption. God wants those who have been hurt to heal, and those who cause hurt to repent and return to health.
As I began the preconfrontation process of this specific incident, I asked the offended party to send me any e-mails or other information that would help guide us. The goal is not to amass evidence to build a case, but to show you are not taking the situation lightly and you clearly understand the accusations.
In this situation, the e-mails and letters sent by the accused created an environment where he could be confronted by his own actions and by the offended party. This allowed me to step out of the role of confronting authoritarian and into the role of navigator and guide as we worked toward restoration.
After gathering the necessary information, I contacted a few key elders and leaders in the church to apprise them of the situation and the process. I asked them to begin praying for God”s grace, Spirit, and redemption to infuse every aspect of this particular circumstance. Informing and involving key leaders in the process will testify to the unity of the leadership in addressing sin, and also offer a layer of spiritual and practical protection for you as the pastor or leader.
Once you have gathered and informed the key leaders who will assist in the confrontation and redemption process, it is time to determine what outcomes you expect from the confrontation. The ultimate outcome for every situation of brokenness and sin obviously is repentance and restoration, but the specific outcomes from a particular confrontation need to be clear, immediate, and measurable.
I believe two expectations need to be predetermined and clearly communicated before any confrontation takes place: expectations of appropriate boundaries, and the next step in the redemption process.
In this situation, we determined the boundary would be no further contact between the accused and the young lady. This would provide a barrier of safety for everyone. No further damage would be done to the offended party, and if the individual was being falsely accused, there would be no more opportunity for further accusations. When an offender accepts boundaries, he or she demonstrates submission to correction and desire for restoration.
We also requested and expected the accused individual to step down from church leadership until the issue was fully resolved. Again this allows leaders and involved parties to focus clearly on the situation at hand, assess the humility of the individual involved, and minimize the opportunity for hurt and division in the church.
This is a tricky step in the process and should be approached with much counsel and prayer. The nature and degree of the boundaries and expectations obviously will directly reflect the impact and severity of the situation.
THE CONFRONTATION
Once you have prayed, gathered information, informed key leaders, and determined appropriate expectations and outcomes, you need to confront the accused individual.
It is interesting to note that in Scripture, Jesus publicly confronts those who publicly and arrogantly flaunt sin; think about the Pharisees who challenged and tried to trick Jesus as he taught the crowds.
Conversely, whenever a personal sin was exposed, Jesus tended to choose a personal and private confrontation. We see this in the woman caught in adultery. The Pharisees and leaders publicly exposed her sin, yet Jesus waited until they all left to personally confront and redeem his hurting child.
Whenever possible, I try to confront sin in private. Some sins are overtly public and need to be dealt with as such, but I have found it is always better for the redemption process to begin with the private confrontation. I suggest making an appointment with the accused party during a time when few or no other programs are happening at the church. I prefer to have at least one or two elders present at the meeting, and try to meet only with the individual involved. Be sensitive to the possibility there may be issues surrounding a spouse or family that may need to be discussed.
After everyone arrives, don”t waste time or beat around the bush. I try to begin the meeting with a simple prayer, “God, we trust you with this time together; use it for your glory.” Next I suggest a short, concise, purpose statement for the meeting, something like, “Jesus always wants us to be real with him and each other, especially when we are confronted by hurt and sin.” This statement sets the tone for the meeting and encourages everyone involved that authenticity, redemption, and restoration are the goal.
The confrontation is simple and to the point; I say, “An issue of sin has been brought to our attention, and we care enough about you to address it.” At that point, let the information you have gathered speak for itself.
It is important to remember that the confrontation is only one part of the process. People are often defensive and angry when they feel accused and their sin has been exposed. I never expect to see immediate and full repentance during a confrontation. Repentance, ownership, and the humility needed for redemption take time. The goal of the confrontation is to expose the accusation of sin, express care and God”s passion for full redemption and restoration, communicate expectations and boundaries, and determine the next step in the process.
Every situation is different. Marital infidelity, lying, stealing, and addictions are part of the human condition, a part Jesus desperately wants to redeem. The nature and character of each confrontation will be determined by your relationship with the parties involved and the strength of your leadership team. These types of confrontations should always be approached with great humility and dependence on the lordship of Christ.
Remember, we all have sinned and fallen short, and we all need to be redeemed and restored.
Next Week, Part 2 of 3 parts: The Road to Repentance
Read the sidebar, “The Credibility Factor,” by Ken Swatman
Ken Swatman is senior pastor with Oregon City (Oregon) Christian Church. He served as a police and fire chaplain for six years and is certified in crisis intervention and stress management.
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