Learning to Trust

By Mike MacKenzie

Jeff is not unlike many ministers we see. He has been in ministry for 25 years and has been reasonably successful. He accepted his current senior pastor position eight years ago knowing it was going to be a challenge. The congregation”s former senior pastor, who was also the founding pastor, had left under a cloud of suspicion. The church”s building program was hanging in limbo after a church split had seen half the members leave. And the finances were messy. But Jeff figured, with his experience, he had a responsibility to do what he could when he was called to the congregation.

But now, eight years later, he is exhausted, despondent, and questioning his faith and his abilities as a pastor. He is discouraged . . . and he is discouraged that he is discouraged.

As Jeff tells his story, he quietly slips into self-evaluation: “I thought I had more faith . . . I thought my faith was stronger.” When asked to clarify, Jeff responds that if he really had faith that God was in control and would work all this out, he wouldn”t be so stressed out and burned out. This is where the disconnect happens for many in ministry.

On the surface this sounds right. I am burning out because I am taking all this on my shoulders when really it is God”s work, God”s church, and God”s power; if I accept that, then I can rest in my trust in him. 

But what many in ministry really mean when they say this is, I won”t hurt if I have enough faith; there won”t be consequences to how I am living in ministry if I have enough faith. To be more specific, I could work 80 hours a week and, if I trust God is in it, there won”t be a negative impact on my life, marriage, and emotional well-being.

Frankly, only a miracle would make that true. I believe in miracles, but we should not presume on God to perform a miracle.

 

Living with Limits

We live with limits in most areas of life, and most people realize the consequences if they abuse those limits. If our spending is not under control, someday we”ll run out of money for something we want or need. If we don”t wear our seat belts, and we get in a serious accident, we will probably be hurt.

Yet many of us pursue ministry as if there are no limits or no natural consequences for breaking them. We work long hours, place ourselves under constant stress, and rarely take Sabbath rests. Then, when we pay an emotional, relational, or physical price, we wonder why. And, sometimes, we blame the negative consequences on our lack of faith.

Everyone in ministry has seen God intervene with supernatural strength or support. We were too tired to write a sermon, yet God provided inspiration. We felt unprepared for an important meeting or speaking engagement, but God gave peace and clarity. We missed an important moment with a spouse or child, but they extended grace, and that missed moment turned into an intimate one. But we should not presume on God to do this all the time, every time.

Now, sometimes our suffering in ministry does come back to a lack of trust in God. If we trust that God is in control and that it is his ministry, not ours, then corresponding actions should follow. We can go home at the end of a 40- or 50-hour workweek and truly be at home. We can delegate responsibilities, knowing God has provided others to help. We can take our Sabbaths and sabbaticals and know God cares about us. We can spend time with our spouses and children and trust that God is pleased with this. We can accept the limits to our own energies and gifts and not feel we must make the church grow. Often the faith issue lies in “letting go” and trusting God with our ministries.

 

Discovering Faith

Pastor Jeff was sure lack of faith was his problem. In a sense it was, but not in the way he thought. The same critical voice that told him he didn”t have enough faith was also the perfectionism that had been telling him he wasn”t doing enough as a pastor. This caused him to say yes too often, which led to long workweeks.

The same insecurities that now told him God was not pleased with him were the ones that drove his need to perform and then critique every performance. The coping mechanism he had found of doing more and trying harder was now fueling his exhaustion and burnout.

Ultimately, Jeff”s faith problem was not that he didn”t trust God with his ministry, but that he didn”t trust God with himself. He didn”t trust that God truly and deeply loved and accepted him. He didn”t trust that just being Jeff was enough for God to be pleased with him. He didn”t trust that God cared enough about him to want him to be whole and healthy.

To trust God with himself and his ministry, Jeff needed to see what was truly his motivation for holding on so tightly to his way of doing ministry, and he needed to see what was standing between him and trust in God”s love. Once he realized these things, and allowed the Holy Spirit to move in his heart and mind, he found a freedom in life and ministry he had never experienced before.

Until one discovers this primal truth, human life will be distorted and driven. In fact, all else should follow from the deep knowledge that one is loved. Without that knowledge, all else is likely to be efforts at self-validation, efforts to ward off shame and condemnation””in short, a lifestyle (especially for clergy) of drivenness.
“”from Spiritual Wholeness for Clergy: A New Psychology of Intimacy with God, Self, and Others, by Donald R. Hands and Wayne L. Fehr

 

Mike MacKenzie is director of the Doctorate of Ministry in Pastor Care degree at Lincoln (Illinois) Christian University.