June 15, 2023
"Nobody seems more mistake-prone than the average missionary (with the possible exception of presidents, congressmen, mothers and fathers of teenagers, umpires, and tax assessors)," Ward Patterson, tongue firmly in cheek, wrote in 1963. "That the missionary should so excel in error-ability is a phenomenon worthy of the interest of all of us . . ."
June 14, 2020
By Alan Scott In the midst of the COVID-19 crisis in April, I met a good friend at a restaurant because we could. We needed to. But nobody else was there. I felt fear and dread still creeping through the streets as I trekked toward our favorite eatery. A masked host seated us at properly distanced chairs outside on a patio. Apparently, innumerable state restrictions allowed restaurants to open, but with all the fun taken out. It was weird. But sitting outside in the warm sun and laughing wasn’t weird. I thought of Paul’s great theological words, “Rejoice in the
May 22, 2019
By Tyler McKenzie and Adrienne Feldmann TYLER (11:55 p.m. Saturday): Here I was, a grown man, a pastor nonetheless, about to commit a felony. I coasted quietly down the neighborhood street, lights off, car in neutral, toilet paper in hand. It was essential I not get caught. ADRIENNE: I have always gone through seasons of depression. A few months ago it was especially frightening. I called in all kinds of reinforcements just to survive my day-to-day. I constantly fought off suicidal thoughts. Reaching out was difficult, but it was my last hope. I needed my friends. They were reluctant to
May 19, 2019
From After Class Podcast As Christian parents, weâ™re always looking for family-friendly vacation destinations. Since our young toddler had been to Disney five times already, it was time to mix things up a bit. So imagine our delight when just two hours north of Orlando, in the beautiful city of Paradise, opened the ultimate Christian theme park, The Greatest Story Ever Strolled. Immediately upon entering the majestic pearly gates, we were transported into the exotic world of Scripture. Characters decked out in authentic robes and sashes strolled along sandstone walkways while camel-led carts leisurely transported guests down lanes lined with
April 22, 2019
From After Class Podcast It began as an ordinary Sunday for lead evangelist âDunkerâ Dave, but no one anticipated how it might end. âWe were only joking,â explained James Murray, chairman of the elders. âI guess some people canâ™t stomach a good ribbing. We all feel terrible now.â The first service went off without a hitch; the second, not so muchâan April Foolsâ™ joke gone awry. âThe boy performed splendidly,â explained deacon Joey Gatton, âperhaps too splendidly!â Dunker Dave beamed with pride when Murrayâ™s son came forward to be baptized. The two of them went back to the dressing room
September 1, 2018
By Caleb Kaltenbach ANDERSON, NE—Staff of the Fleetwood Christian Church are still picking up the pieces after a riot on Sunday. “That wasn’t our desired outcome,” said executive pastor Mike Millenhouse as he scratched his head in bewilderment. “It really boiled down to an economic analysis. I mean, no one really puts a dollar in the jar anymore.” Millenhouse was speaking of the church’s decision to discontinue offering coffee and doughnuts on Sunday mornings. The FCC staff was expecting some pushback from the congregation, but the intensity of the reaction caught them by surprise. “People began screaming when they found
By Caleb Kaltenbach INDIANAPOLIS—Church leaders around the world were shocked to learn that Alexander Campbell will be speaking at the yearly convention. 2018 North American Christian Convention President Drew Sherman reportedly hired a Transylvanian scientist—a mad one, no doubt—to fly in and reanimate Campbell, the leading thinker of the early Restoration Movement and longtime editor of the Millennial Harbinger. The process took longer than initially thought, due to good weather. Eventually, however, a thunderstorm passed through the area and made the impossible possible. “We just want to empower leaders and give them an NACC they’ll never forget,” Sherman said. “It’s
By Caleb Kaltenbach ASHLAND, MN—Back in January, the family ministry team of First Christian Church gathered to discuss possible VBS themes before finally settling on The Hunger Games. “It seemed like a good idea,” said student pastor Francis Jenson. “I like the Hunger Games movies, and kids play a significant role in the films. It seemed perfect.” That first night, parents dropped off their kids in the church’s sanctuary. Many parents left immediately, but some paused as the lights dimmed and a sense of foreboding took over. “They had fake trees all over the room,” reported Andrea Lansberry, mother of
May 23, 2018
By Caleb Kaltenbach MALIBU, CA—Pastor Paul Porgman needed an executive pastor, so he went on The Lead Pastor: XP Edition. The show is patterned after the hit series The Bachelor, which features a single man who spends weeks with many attractive women until he chooses his future wife. In The Lead Pastor: XP Edition, Porgman spent weeks with many unattractive, out-of-shape, type A personality men until he chose one to be his executive pastor. “It was . . . bizarre,” Porgman said. “We never got in a hot tub, but I walked on the beach with each one of them. I also had to take them out
May 3, 2018
By Caleb Kaltenbach DALLAS—“I’m not sure what happened,” said pastor Billy Yates. “I guess I just got too excited.” Yates was visibly shaken, head downcast, rubbing at the temples of his mask, after ill-advisedly hurling a Captain America shield into a crowd of people attending Open Door Church’s 11 a.m. worship service. In an effort to connect with culture, the staff of Open Door Church plotted out an Avengers sermon series. This past Sunday, Yates preached in a spandex Captain America costume while throwing his shield up and down. Eventually, as Yates grew bolder, he sailed the metal shield into
April 21, 2018
By Caleb Kaltenbach PARKER, CO—Independent Christian church pastors were thrilled to learn they can now count people who drive past their church during a service as part of their weekend attendance. The decision—part of an effort to boost numbers—was made at a meeting of the NACC Board of Stewards and other leaders. The decision included two stipulations: (1) Those driving by may be counted only during the first 30 minutes of the service, and (2) If not everyone in the passing vehicle can be counted, the vehicle counts as only 1 person. Many excited ministers have already acted on the
April 3, 2015
By Richard A. Knopp William Lane Craig relates that a high school friend once said to him, “There ain”t gonna be no Easter this year.” When Craig asked, “Why not,” his cantankerous friend replied, “They found the body.”1 The questionable humor unintentionally reveals a fundamental truth: without the resurrection of Jesus, there is no Easter””or as Paul put it, “Your faith is futile” (1 Corinthians 15:17). But in spite of the bellows of unbelievers and the screams of secularists to make Easter an exclusive experience with the bunny, a multitude of valuable materials are available to sustain our faith and
March 2, 2012
By Daniel Schantz The wooden pew is a kind of symbol of the church in the past century. For a preacher”s son who grew up in the 1950s, the church pew provided me with stability, discipline, and plenty of fuel for a child”s imagination. Stability Almost everything in those old churches was made of wood. Wood was warm, smooth, pretty, and as stable as an anvil. Children sat with their parents during worship in those days before graded worship, a practice that many churches are reviving today. The first thing a child learned in church is that God is forgiving. The second
February 11, 2012
By Daniel Schantz When my wife and I attend church together, we do not have the same experience at all. When we get back home and start comparing notes, I sometimes wonder if we were even in the same building. The Arrival She: We arrive at the church 30 minutes early. Any later would be unthinkable to my wife, Sharon, who is magnetically drawn to people and needs time to visit with them. Like a hummingbird foraging flowers, she moves from friend to friend, gathering newsy nectar and sharing the supernatural achievements of her grandchildren. At the same time,
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